Yeah, true enough, having a personal eunuch really would be awesomeness personified. I mean you could utilize them in the way that sultans and emperors alike did for centuries and have them guard your personal harem or station them next to your glowing fireplace as an interestingly exotic conversation starter when entertaining your friends and family this holiday season. Won't your snobby neighbor, Bob just keel over with jealousy at the sight of your fancy new eunuch??!!?Before you rush out and grab the first eunuch that comes your way just bear this fact in mind: There's a tag attached to the back of every eunuch stipulating that they're DRY CLEAN ONLY. Scrubbing them up with simple soap and water will only lead to additional shrinkage and don't nobody want to see that.
Luckily, theres a cleaning service that specializes in the particular grooming needs of the average eunuch-- A place where eunuchs don't mind getting hung out to dry. Why else would they name their establishment UNIK Cleaners? Obviously the owners were just too cheap to spring for the additional letters to make their neon sign read properly as 'Eunuch Cleaners' but I'm sure that doesn't detract in the slightest from their dedication to producing gleaming, bright eunuchs spit-polished until they sparkle.....thanks UNIK Cleaners!
*The stockings were hung by the chimney with care in hopes that Saint Nicholas would soon leave a shiny new eunuch there. But please be sensitive to the feelings of eunuchs this Christmas season and don't sing Jingle Bells or Silver Bells around them. They loathe songs that remind them of ding-a-lings.*
Very Short And Funny Eunuch Commercial Here
So do you have to prove that it's a eunuch standing by your fireplace?
ReplyDeleteAnd is additional shrinkage really an issue for a eunuch?
Maybe unik is like cyber language like "c u l8r " (which I despise btw).
I think they just misspelled "unique."
ReplyDelete...which is a good thing, really. I'd much rather take my eunuch to the cleaners than take my clothes to a place that would clean them in a "unique" fashion. Hmm...
ReplyDeleteHoly Bananas!!! Where do you find these things? I live in a boring city or I don't drive around enough ;)
ReplyDeleteI will make sure to only dry clean my eunuch.
Still chuckling. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
*snip snip*
ReplyDeleteDo they like being spit-polished?
I love your "Silver Bells" and "Jingle Bells" remark. It reminds me of Johnny Dangerously. "You better look out. You'll end up with your bells in a sling."
I'm so glad this important service has been made available in your fair city. Eunuchs deserve proper care and grooming, just like other people.
ReplyDeleteHahaha! :D
In a city where there are at least 4 dry cleaners at every intersection, a business as gotta go do something unique to bring in business.
ReplyDeleteI was not familiar with the term "eunuch" until I looked it up while reading this post. I'm generally not OK with words that have definitions including the word "castrated."
ReplyDeleteNeedless to say, I will not be patronizing that business.
What in the world?
ReplyDeleteThey wanted to by UNIK. Instead, they made it to Elastic's The Smiling Infidel.
Those lucky dogs.
Tee hee...eunuch.
ReplyDeleteYou said "Before you rush out and grab the first eunuch that comes your way", where would you grab him?? :o)
ReplyDeleteclicketh from worketh
ReplyDeleteAnother word you shouldn't have used in this post: "hung".
ReplyDeleteI have a set of emasculators if anyone wants to borrow them to make their own Eunich.
ReplyDeleteTheyve only been used on cattle!
WHat the heck is UNIK supposed to be?? I don't get it. That's like people that spell their kid's name so weird that you can't figure out how to pronounce it.
ReplyDeleteWhere can I pick me up one of these Eunichs?
No I don't think I have any definition for UNIK - maybe you could ask them!
ReplyDeleteCheers
This is my calling card or link"Whittereronautism"until blogger comments get themselves sorted out.
LOL! I'll avoid those two songs the next time I'm singing Christmas songs with eunichs! Ooh, the high pitched songs would be especially pretty with their high ranges! :)
ReplyDeleteNow that is a gift anyone would be delighted to receive. I have the perfect alcove for one and I promise never to play Chuck Berry's My ding a ling in his presence!
ReplyDeleteThat's what we should be putting in our living rooms instead of the dreaded controversial Christmas tree - a holiday eunuch.
ReplyDeletelol. that commercial was hilarious. ding a ling.
ReplyDeletewhich reminds me, in a round about way..we went christmas caroling on sunday night with some friends and at one house after we finished our silent night, the lady came to the door and politely said, "didn't you guys notice the menorah in our window?" uh. whoops. so then we proceeded to attempt a weak version of dreidel, dreidel, dreidel.
I click because I love. I think there's something seriously wrong with humor-blogs! You see me clicking don't you? Then why does it say only one visit from your blog?
ReplyDeleteIn my next life I want to be a motherboard. Maybe then I'll understand.
Millie just said CHRISTMAS tree.
ReplyDeleteOh the outrage!
anyway, about these x-men, will they really rub oil in your skin and bathe you in milk? sounds like a souffle recipe or something.
can you make them slice off the three inch layers of white trash heel calus? cuz that's what really matters---do they pluck?
Will my eunich clean the house and stuff? I could get on board with that.
ReplyDeleteMy WV: is Sass pie. Really, Sasspie from a blog that calls me a spitball. I've got a lot to live up to.
what the *%!@? how do people think of these names? Truth is, as they say stranger than fiction :-)
ReplyDeletebarn goddess- We should totally open up a gift shop together. How does "The Unique Eunich" sound?
ReplyDeleteBee- I like totally meant to do that when I wrote it! The power of the subliminally messaged words.....I think theres a conspiracy afoot at humor blogs. How else are long dormant blogs and traveling bras beating me?
And you know what else goddess? We could sell Tunics For Eunichs That Are Made In Munich!
ReplyDeleteI wrote a tender song dedicated to my holiday eunuch:
"You'll have a holly, jolly eunuch. I'm sure you'll all agree. Say hello to cameltoe and sitting down to pee....."
Hmmmm ... somehow I wouldn't put a guy without working parts on the top of my Christmas list. More likely a woman with all working parts. :)
ReplyDeleteHaha, I love the holiday eunuch song you shared!
ReplyDeleteI had a feeling to just scroll down without reading the comments on this one...to save me from awkwardness ya know...from my virgin mind...and other things.
ReplyDeleteI have no clue how they beat you. Maybe you should put a picture of your bra on your banner thing??
ReplyDeleteOh, and by the way, "hello to cameltoe and sitting down to pee" BWAHAHAHA! Hey! Maybe you can puit that on your banner!!
Click from work!
uh... "put"
ReplyDeleteYeah, how would a eunuch pee if not by sitting down?
ReplyDeleteWhy have I never wondered about this before?
(maybe that's a good thing)
Are you on Santa's naughty list or what??!?
ReplyDeleteI'd rather not have a eunuch for Christmas. I don't need another person to feed or clean up after!
the sitting down to pee thing---don't they just remove the balls? isn't the pen*s still there?
ReplyDeletethey didn't cover this in anatomy 302
the seed lady nearly put me to sleep, yawn.
ReplyDeletethat thing is sooooo rigged
pens what pens? I find it funny that the person that said the vajayjay word on my blog oh about one thousand times can't say pen-s uh... p-nis uh... peni-...
ReplyDeleteIt's harder than it looks!
[bjjjbbb that's what she said!]
click from home
I have heard they do a great job but I can't bring myself to bring our 'uniks' to be cleaned because of the name.
ReplyDeleteOkay, THIS was funny:
ReplyDelete"You'll have a holly, jolly eunuch. I'm sure you'll all agree. Say hello to cameltoe and sitting down to pee....."
That did me in.