Sunday, April 27, 2008

Prayers Are Needed To Make These Mean Machines Into Clean Machines!

We need divine intervention to soften the steely-cold hearts of the Kitchen-Aid appliance manufacturers and to let them know that while we despise the ideals of Communism and how it crushes religion, we still love them as a company and maker of fine cooking apparatus.

How do I know that Kitchen-Aid has gone Commie on us? Well in addition to their bright red corporate logo lettering, Sunbum and I spotted these disturbing anti-religious stickers adorning their floor sample models.

Yes, it reads: DO NOT IMMERSE IN WATER

That's sad, really, because without immersion how can this stand-mixer ever feel truly clean? Sure it has a lifetime guarantee but what good is a life filled with the heartbreak of internal filth?

I can only hope that missionary stand-mixers will find the fortitude to minister unto these floundering flocks; perhaps even convincing them to shed their stickers and become cleansed through the power of immersion.
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20 comments:

  1. elasticwaistbandladyMonday, April 28, 2008 1:25:00 PM

    This post only works if you remember that my faith believes that the only true way to baptize is baptism through immersion. :)

    My daughter noticed the stickers first. She's has religious righteousness on the min 24/7!

    I do too when I'm not thinking about nachos, saggy bras, SPAM on sale, shooting my neighbor's yappy dog with a BB gun, Wendy's chicken sandwiches, burning down my house for insurance money.......

    ReplyDelete
  2. damonMonday, April 28, 2008 1:45:00 PM

    You can add George Forman grilles to your list too. Same sticker, same evil potential.

    clickin for ya, for a hb return?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Elizabeth-WMonday, April 28, 2008 2:39:00 PM

    We need to find out what percentage of your readership is Mo :)
    (that's short for Mormon, for all you nomos)
    Go eat a Chick Fil A for me...we don't have 'em here :(

    ReplyDelete
  4. LaurenMonday, April 28, 2008 3:03:00 PM

    Sunbum is so awesome! Is she not?

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  5. LaurenMonday, April 28, 2008 3:03:00 PM

    Ha! I commented on your Blog. Suprised?

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  6. Rebecca BlevinsMonday, April 28, 2008 4:24:00 PM

    I'm double-mo. Mormon and lives in Missouri.

    Poor mixer. You see anti-religion sentiment everywhere these days.

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  7. Ed & JeanneMonday, April 28, 2008 4:56:00 PM

    No, but they do wonderful immersed in lubricants. Oh wait, I got that all confused with the missionary mixer...

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  8. DeenaMonday, April 28, 2008 4:57:00 PM

    It's good of you to care for the eternal salvation of those steely appliances.

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  9. StaceyMonday, April 28, 2008 4:58:00 PM

    Who does kitchen aid think they are?? Haven't they heard of free agency?

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  10. MillieMonday, April 28, 2008 5:09:00 PM

    This is fun

    I started to watch Cry-Baby with Johnny Depp today but then someone in the movie - Ricki Lake, actually - said a naughty word and I had to turn it off.

    (Speaking of things that need to be washed clean)

    ReplyDelete
  11. Jean KneeMonday, April 28, 2008 5:50:00 PM

    ha, I got nothing here. must be the prozac

    ReplyDelete
  12. Bee (the one who muses)Monday, April 28, 2008 7:10:00 PM

    I knew they were evil! I just thought it was because they would require lots of work on my part so I'm glad you cleared things up!

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  13. AliceMonday, April 28, 2008 8:10:00 PM

    I was going to get all deep about physically clean vs. spiritually clean, but then I read about you shooting a yappy dog with a BB gun and was thinking I might hire you for a few neighbors of mine right after I declared you soul sister.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Hey It's DiTuesday, April 29, 2008 2:30:00 AM

    I guess my Kitchen-Aid will have to join my electric frying pan in the cupboard of outer darkness. I just can't have this going on in my kitchen.

    I think the sticker says "Do not remove by penalty of the law". I think they are doomed!

    ReplyDelete
  15. jams o donnellTuesday, April 29, 2008 6:36:00 AM

    Ah EWBL, I have two other explanations for the sign:

    a) it is a catholic appliance and thus only needs a little splash of water as a baby

    b) It's a catholic appliance but of the Opus Dei persuasion - in which case baptism entails a wire wool brush and scouring powder!

    ReplyDelete
  16. SuzanneTuesday, April 29, 2008 10:57:00 AM

    LOL! That is all. :)

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  17. AnonymousTuesday, April 29, 2008 11:11:00 AM

    this post makes me want to go and rip off the tag on my new mattress...the one that says DO NOT REMOVE!

    ReplyDelete
  18. MelissaTuesday, April 29, 2008 12:11:00 PM

    Love the new header :D
    I love that your daughter is concerned for the welfare of the every day kitchen appliance. It's good to know that she is in the world, but not of the world...

    ReplyDelete
  19. Nancy FaceThursday, May 01, 2008 7:28:00 AM

    Woman, YOU ARE SO FUNNY! :D

    I love the post, I love the comments...I even love my evil unwashed Kitchen-Aid stand mixer...yeah, the one I've had for several years and STILL don't know how to use! :0

    ReplyDelete
  20. Nancy FaceThursday, May 01, 2008 7:29:00 AM

    No, really, I'm serious!

    ReplyDelete

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