This Chicken Ranch Special Always Includes Legs, Breasts, And Thighs!

Well, 'The Best Little Whorehouse In Texas' is fine and dandy and all, but I live in The Best Little Infidel House In Texas! And who rated them as the best, anyway? Is there some kind of whorehouse survey and customer comment card that they distribute to the clientele before they put their pants on and leave?
A local Houston legend passed away on Sunday and I felt compelled to memorialize him on my blog. The much ballyhooed and plastic surgery-enhanced, Marvin Zindler, campaigned tirelessly for the little guy, and hosted a weekly 'Roach Report' dirty restaurant review. His trademarked catchphrase? A loud bellowing of "SLIIIIIMMMEE In THE ICE MACHINE!" There's even a song about him and his pursuit of busting eating establishments with the dreaded slimy ice. The man is a bonafide legend solidified with his very own WIKI page. Outside of the Houston market, though, he's most notable for his part in shutting down the La Grange Chicken Ranch whorehouse and battling with local authorities who didn't want to give up their painted ladies and the revenue it brought it in.

Dom Deluise played a Marvin Zindler-esque character named Melvin Thorpe in the movie, but everyone knew that the basis was rooted in the true life account of the events that unfolded in 1973.

And now for a retro "Oh no, she didn't!" moment from my awkward youth:

My mom let me watch 'The Best Little Whorehouse In Texas' with her, even though I was only 9. My dad comes from a very morally puritanical family. How puritanical? Well, I'm related to Bill Hybels, the Pastor of the largest congregation in all of North America. So, all the family gathered together at an elegant Indiana restaurant that summer of 1983 for my Aunt's rehearsal dinner. As glasses clinked with festive toasts and chatter sounded above the knives slicing up the sumptuous Chicken Kiev (I have a photographic memory when it comes to food) I innocently asked the lady next to me if she had ever seen 'The Best Little Whorehouse In Texas.' You know how in movies when somebody drops an outrageous tidbit into conversation and everyone stops to stare slack-jawed at them? That's what happened to me. That is, until my very proper Grandma abruptly whisked me away to the bathroom to sternly tell me that 9 year old girls should never discuss anything related to the word 'WHOREHOUSE' in polite company. I wonder if using brothel, house of the rising sun, bordello, or No Tell Motel would have been more acceptable?

R.I.P Marvin Zindler-Who Will Rid Our City Of The Insidious Slime In The Ice Machine Now?

And Then The Day Came When I Had To Make A Choice Between My Two Great Loves.....BIMBO Or Ho-Ho's?

Houston, where you can get a hot, fresh BIMBO delivered right to your door everyday! I wonder if they offer a discount on their stale, day-old BIMBOS? Would people actually settle for a crusty BIMBO that's been sitting there awhile? Have you ever encountered BIMBOS with an expiration date stamped right on them? I would assume that kind of fore knowledge makes BIMBO life planning a lot easier, don't you think? You can purchase a BIMBO twin pack. Double your pleasure. How sinful is that? If I confessed to you that I once bought a BIMBO value sized package deal and then delighted in the bounteous BIMBO goodness found therein, would you think less of me? I never made BIMBO buying a part of my life until I met my Papi. Shamefully, he's an ardent BIMBO lover of the highest order.

I've decided to host a BIMBO party, and you're all invited! That way, if everyone partakes in a little BIMBO action, I can feel validated in my own BIMBO wickedness. R.S.V.P. me if you're coming. Naturally, the party is BYOB....... Bring Your Own BIMBO!
Hey! Who you calling a Ho-Ho?