The Smiling Infidel Is Your Guide To Deviant Geology



It's of vital importance to learn something new each and every day. Today, the mini-Infidels learned of a magical body of water situated between Peru and Bolivia and bearing a majestically regal name......LAKE TITICACA! Reportedly the names Lake Boobycrap and Lake Tatapoo were already taken. Interesting to note that this could possibly be the place where Lola and Tony danced their last at the Titi.....Titicaca......stupid 70's censors changing Titicaca to Copacabana.



I recently became intimately acquainted with several variations of schist. I touched schist with my bare hands in the Geology lab and I was like "Oh SCHIST.....I got schist all over my hands!" I then told my lab partner that I thought he was the "SCHIST." Not surprisingly I had to study a lot of schist for my test. Schist, I can't wait for this semester to be over. This schist's too hard.....even though I am full of schist most of the time.

This be SHALE. Sentences uttered by me during the course of the class rock practical:

• "Oh SHALE no!"
• "What the SHALE?"
• "Yeah? Well you can just go to SHALE!"

Nobody is clamoring to be my Geology lab partner. I'm not really sure what the SHALE is going on with that. :(



This is a diagram of an AQUITARD. It's politically incorrect to say this but........ you know Clay? Yeah, it's true, Clay is a total aquitard! Remember shale? Shale is one of the biggest aquitards around! "You Might Be An Aquitard.........." That's going to be my signature routine when I hit the Geology standup comedy circuit. Will you be there to see me and cheer for me? No? Pssssshhhhhh, you're such a freakin' AQUITARD!

*****I'm the oldest student by far in this class filled with impressionable youngins. We have to use hydrochloric acid a lot in Geology. I told my teenage lab partner that now he can tell his friends that he was looking at cleavage, dropping acid, and rocking out at school. His horrified expression was priceless.*****

*L@@K* Romeo & Juliet Suicidal Sweethearts Special! *Must Own JEEP And Lack Any Desire To Live*

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Jeepers! I hate it when The Living Dead use their maggoty decomposing fingers to troll the Craigslist ad section.
Obviously, they don't need their burial plots anymore and so these zombie fiends are willing to dig deep to pass the savings on down to you, the non-zombie consumer!
Zombies in a Jeep 4x4 just may be the sign of an impending zombie apocalypse so pace yourself because soon there's going to be more awesome grave site deals than you can shake a half-eaten brain at!Undead Peeps In Jeeps......coming soon to a city near you!!!!

Walking Down The Store Aisle Is Reminiscent Of The Day I Walked Down The Aisle With My Papi

A simple trip to the grocery store always serves to remind me of the boundless love that Papi and I share and how it all came to pass. The aisles, practically brimming with symbolic reminders of our life together.

Papi went looking for some White Snuggles......and he surely did get what he was seeking! Obviously, I trounced the competition who advertises that a golden brown whole wheat equates to wholesomeness. Well, I guess Papi didn't want something healthy for him. Ha! Oh, wait a minute......

Papi and I shared nothing in common except the same employer. So, when he continued persistently pestering me, the resident workplace heathen, to go to church with him, I thought he was full of.......

(Well, not really. But they don't sell crap manure at the grocery store, now do they?)

And then, while only two months into our courtship, and many stomach lurching dates down at Pancho's Mexican Buffet, Papi proposed to me. Yeah, I know, that guy has some big......

Stop that! I can read your calculated little minds. You're putting together and computing short dating time along with a seemingly hasty marriage. Well, I most certainly was NOT ........

Nice And Easy just isn't my style. Rather, I'm more of a......

kind of gal!

Papi and I enjoy a glittery fairytale ending, and it's definitely not a classic boy gets girl yawner like Cinderella And Prince Charming. Neither does comparisons to The Princess And The Pea. Aside from the fact that I do re-enact the story everytime I serve split pea soup for dinner. Our story isn't even relatable to Beauty And The Beast, althoughPapi often calls me a beast. No, ours is a happy union of a salty white cracker coupled with a spicy Mexican tortilla. I'm so very glad that Papi likes..........

JUMBO BUNS!!!!

I Wish I Had A Moose. I'd Name Him Dr. Seuss. And Turn Him Loose With My Goose To Cause Terror On A Caboose.

I'd like to welcome you to a very special edition of The Smiling Infidel! It's tailor-made to cater to the easy-reading needs of your inner pre-schooler. I've got rhymes! No big words! And pictures! Lots of pretty pictures! In color!

On Saturday, as my truck got severely hit and folded like a MAP, I felt my tender red neck SNAP and I still sort of feel like......

Says I, this is teh SUCK! Only 18 more payments until I own my beloved Infidel TRUCK! Those dreams vanished with the WTF? hit-and-run chick gone AMOK. (It does rhyme. Quit picking on me)
Wow, what LUCK, Progressive insurance paid off my old TRUCK and I still managed to make a decent BUCK! So, I immediately set forth to buy a new.....(Oddly enough, both these pictures detail the same color and style as my before and after Infidel trucks)
Did I take my new truck to go SHIRK and LURK with Captain KIRK while eating Jamaican JERK? No! I went immediately to WORK! (I have never in my life sung and danced while throwing papers. I do have a Cabbie Cap like the Newsies boys do, though.)
Sometimes I just want to POUT as I throw my paper ROUTE (II need my truck to work. I need to work to pay for my truck.*sigh*) I'm dorky like URKEL and hopelessly trapped in a.........
Like a Donut that needs DUNKIN and a Bronco that's BUCKIN, still I continue to....


Well, I do keep on truckin, except on that fateful day that was CRUMMY, when a girl who's downright SCUMMY made me into a real live .......
I'm going to break in my new truck just like a Smiling Infidel SHOULD- by only putting on high heels and my State Farting Champion T-shirt and rolling around on the HOOD. Be cool like me? Coked-up, man-beating, OJ-dating Tawny, only wishes she COULD!