Add Another Food Commandment To The Bible Diet

And it shall read thusly: THOU SHALT NOT EAT ANY FOOD WITH THE WORD "TURD" IN IT.

We'd fallen into a blandly stagnant Easter dinner tradition of green beans and honey ham, so I decided to mix it up a little this year.

I was standing in the middle of the grocery store entertaining alternative dining possibilities when I spotted the magical orange clearance sticker slapped onto the side of a frozen Turducken concoction.

I was greatly relieved as the runner-up option was rabbit which seemed inherently wrong to serve up on the hallowed day of the Great Easter Bunny.

A Turducken is a Cajun specialty most fowl. It features a partially de-boned turkey stuffed with a duck stuffed with a chicken stuffed with oyster stuffing and covered in a spicy, orangey blend of spices.

If you serve a side of bacon you can almost have an entire petting zoo of animals fighting their way through your intestinal tract.

Turduckens allow you to eliminate three species of beast in every single bite. And that is precisely why the world will never fear being conquered by a fleet of small poultry.

Maybe us Infidels have a hillbilly palate that can only appreciate the finer things in life like Funyuns and pickled pigs feet because the Turducken Taste Trial was a resounding flop.

So, lesson learned: We shall henceforth stay far, far away from any food item with 'TURD' featured prominently in the name.

If you call it a Turd, and it answers to the name, Turd, then it must taste like a Turd.

I've never actually tasted turd before but based on yesterday it could be that the "TURD" part in TURDUCKEN might indeed be a secret stuffing ingredient that those sneaky Cajun's don't want the general public to find out about.

Remember they are the ones that eat the deadly Poke Salad as discussed in my favorite grunting song, "Poke Salad Annie....The Gator's Got Yer Granny."

I wouldn't put anything past them.

I may be a unrefined Yankee living in the South but I can come up with fanciful recipes, too.

I want to start a TURDUNKIN trend....it'll feature a powdered sugar glazed turkey stuffed with real Dunkin Donuts stuffed with various fillings like Bavarian Cream and gooey raspberry jelly.

I'm taking orders now for your next holiday gathering.