A Veritable Potpourri Of Pet Store Poppycock

Anyway, Poppycock is the official Infidel Word Of The Day. As such, I hope and yearn (bet you thought I was going to say pray, didn't you? Poppycock Prayers are blasphemous!) that you will henceforth find every opportunity you can to drop the word poppycock.
Anyway, we went to Petco today because our gorgeous pettable (Yeah, we pet our fish, and? At least we didn't name them Mrs. Paul and Gorton) Siamese fighting fish Phoenix and Poseidon have decided that they have such a sophisticated palate that they can't possibly dine on the .99 cent package of fish food I scored at the .99 Cents Only store. Snobs. Don't they know there are fish starving in Africa that would love to have their aquarium kibble?
Anyway, we spied with our Infidel eyes a garishly pink hamster cage. I asked aloud "Why? Why? Why?" Sunbum said "It's obviously a hamster-led stance for breast cancer awareness."

Anyway, we then spotted a box for a ferret habitat called "Ferretville." Sadly, it did NOT come with a lost shaker of salt, a sponge cake, or a woman to blame. The lettering on the box was in an unfortunate font style rendering the name to look like this: FEPPETVILLE. Sunbum blurted out "Hey, it's FEPPETVILLE where they make evil abomination hybrids out of a Muppet and a ferret!" "I think that Jimmy Muppet would probably cover a bitchin' song version of FEPPETVILLE. "Wasted away again in FEPPETVILLE.....searching for my lost baggy of dung....some people say that there's a weasel to blame....but I know, it's my own damn fault."

Anyway, and then we ran into a lady from church where we then proceeded to talk about our guinea pigs and their "furry butt chaps" that we have to trim on a regular basis.
Anyway, the cashier was an effeminate black dude and he kept loudly singing songs about Jesus at the register. We were his backup....temporarily. It was a long line and we got bored so we started singing "We got the fish flakes in our hands. We got the fish fllaaaakkkes in our hands....."
Anyway, we left before buying/adopting/taking any more pets to add to our ever-growing menagerie so I consider the trip a total success.

My Baby Is Growing Up So Fast.......

Can you believe it? Ophelia, the youngest member of the Infidel family, is already driving!
Granted, she doesn't have a license or insurance or even a Jack-In-The-Box antenna ball, but hey, those missing qualifications don't seem to stymie the thousands of folks driving every single day in these here United States.
Naturally, while elated at Ophelia's developmental progress, I'm still a trifle disappointed with her and the way she brazenly displayed her innate carjacking skills.
Poor Barbie was caught completely unaware as Ophelia ambushed her, nibbled on her head, and then crawled into the Barbiemobile for a quick joy ride around the living room.
I am Ophelia's mother and so of course I very sternly admonished my little guinea pig heathen for her criminal behavior before sentencing her to punishment in the Time Out Corner.
She pooped all over the Time Out Corner.
Such defiance!
I guess I'll have to dispatch the Rescue Heroes patrol car (with real working siren and lights!) to lay down the law with Miss Ophelia.
I should probably warn Jake Justice beforehand though that Ophelia has a thing for plastic men in uniform. He needs to be prepared when she strikes with sharp-toothed retaliation.
Ophelia, the Chomp&Gnaw Outlaw Scofflaw.

P.S. Ophelia won't be receiving her PHD, but we are working on a custom plate that says "OH GEE!" in reference to her initials O.G.