I'm Really Too Old For This Kind Of Nonsense

Hey, guess what fun madcap adventure I had last night?
Absolutely exhausted, I collapsed onto my bed with a big gnarly wad of minty fresh Eclipse gum still wedged into my mouth.
Hey, guess what fun madcap adventures I had this morning?
I got to dutifully scrape gum off my pillowcase. And my nightstand. And in between my fingers where the gum fused together in a webbed pattern rendering me into the likeness of a severely malformed platypus. There was also remnants of chewed and fragmented gum strewn across the fleshy wasteland of my lower neck area.
Apparently, minty fresh Eclipse gum is a nomadic wanderer with a nocturnal streak. It just wasn't content to take up permanent habitation in my cavernous Infidel mouth.
So, if I followed that wise old proverb and let the gum go but it still chose to stay fairly close to me does that mean the gum truly loves me?
I wonder if the Double Mint twins ever had these problems?

Finally, A Viable Third Party Emerges For American Voters!

I deliver the local community newspaper. When I picked up my bundles yesterday, I immediately noticed this headline proclaiming the emergence of a new political party. Obviously, I was overwrought with joy at such an announcement.

Judging from this snapshot taken depicting long lines of voters just waiting for the chance to make their voices heard at the polling booth, I surmise that this strange and new party must also be wildly popular amongst the constituents, too .
Personally, I loathe all 3 of the Presidential front-runners this election year. I don't know who the Democartic Party is or what they stand for, but I just may re-register as a DEMOCART and vote for them anyway.

Vote Infidel Party By Giving Me Your CLICKETY Right Here! Gracias.

Did You Know That Party City Is Next To Funkytown?

It's true! Seems that we were doing something close to nothing, but different than the day before. And that's when we saw them, ooooh, we saw them. They stood IN at the OUT door! (Neither wore a raspberry beret)
We have glimpsed the future of Green politics in America.......and it involves costume looks inspired by the Jolly Green Giant's vomit. The model above is working it in her official Green Party Representative Uniform. If the Green Party ever seizes power, this is a sample of what they'd force everyone to wear. Yeah, that's right. They'd force you using the brawn of their mascot, The Incredible Hulk. That's precisely why you should take the voting process so solemnly. Because, really, the only one who should be sporting two fuzzy, green Pom-Poms is Kermit the Frog. Right, Miss Piggy?
And here's the photographic proof that we got to meet the title star of the upcoming movie 'Darby O'Gill And The Village People!' Producers actually found him while he was working a stint down at The Lusty Leprechaun Cabaret.

Don't be hatin on us and our exciting adventures, aight? If you click here on humor-blogs.com for me, we'll share some of our golden pot with you! (Ummmm, "Golden Pot"= A Yellow Bowl Filled With Lucky Charms cereal.)

And Now For Another Exciting Installment In The 'Stevie Wonders' Saga!

Today, Stevie Wonders if he can reinvigorate his career by tinkering with some of his song lyrics in hopes that Weird Al will agree to perform the revised versions and make them a hit amongst a demographic of younger listeners.

Suddenly 'Sir Duke' becomes 'Sir Dookie' and Stevie Wonder is cashing in twice on a 30-year-old song. Oh yeah, you can feel it all over. You can feel it all over, people.

humor-blogs.com only likes Green Day Dookie.

You're So Vain.......You Probably Think This Blog Post Is About You

A lovely English Sister in our ward at Church delights in fussing over Melody every chance she gets. She quite often tells me in her stately accent, "Your Melody is so gorgeous."

So on occasion I'll teasingly repeat that to Melody to which she matter-of-factly and proudly exclaims, "That's right! I AM so gorgeous!"
For sure, the gods of self-confidence were smiling upon this child the day she made her grand entrance into the mortal coil.

Huked On Fonix Wirked Fo Mee

Okay. I jumped out of my truck this morning in the darkened twilight hours just to capture the magnetic signage marvel slapped onto the tailgate of a pickup in my neighborhood. They spelled computer as 'KOMPUTER?' Seriously? I'm not sure I want a technician poking around at something he can't even spell. If he was trying for alliterative cuteness, why didn't he name his business KNOX KOMPUTER KOMPANY rather than Service? They could have abbreviated it to K.K.K. Maybe I have it all wrong and KOMPUTER is something totally different from COMPUTER. In which case, I want one for Christmas. I don't want to be left out.
File this one in the E For Eelliterate category.

From The 'Its A Dirty Job But Someones Gotta Do It' Files.....

One must always remember to wash ones hands rather vigorously with the strongest anti-bacterial soap available after meeting the acquaintance of a real, live Dick Carrier. That is all.

In An Effort To Win With Wynne......

I'm cheating and submitting two of the coolest videos I've seen in a long time for Wynne's Halloween Contest! These are both, funny, original, and Halloween-worthy.........and they're short.

Hey, Wanna Buy A Ghost??!!? [2:06]

Evil Floating Head [1:12]

An Infidel Quickie!

You know that this Infidel, well usually, 'she love you long time.' Yeah, that basically means that an abbreviated blog rendezvous at The Smiling Infidel's red-velvet wallpapered headquarters rarely happens because my posts tend to run long. Really long. Ridiculously long. Looooooonnnngg. But not today! My Fat Melody is obsessed with Christmas because she knows her birthday lies somewhere around that magical date. She coyly asked me all summer if it was time to put up the Christmas tree because that's her sneaky little way of gauging time in correlation to her birthday. Fat Melody thinks she's the center of the universe and that all time stops and starts based on the annual marking of her grand entrance into the mortal coil. She's our baby, so Papi and I have never told her any differently.

We went swimming yesterday and as I floated around the pool ferrying Fat Melody like the Grand Poobah Princess she is, she asked me what I wanted for Christmas knowing full well that the conversation would evolve into birthday talk.......again. I told her that I only wanted everyone to be happy. Melody smiled and persisted with, "Me gonna buy you a necklace!" I made my neck disappear under my considerable chins kind of like the guy in the picture is doing and I laughingly told her "Oh, so sorry. I don't have a neck to put a necklace on." Melody thought for half a second and brilliantly declared, "For Christmas, me gonna buy you a new neck!"

See, blog quickies can be a satisfying experience because it's all about quality; not quantity. So.......was it good for you?

*I'm Not A Mommeeeee Blogger. But I Play One Sometimes On Teh Internets.*