Bad puns are a predatory and invasive species.
I never wanted to tell you of my many afflictions but it's time you all knew the soul-crushing truth......I suffer from TERMINAL SEVERE ACUTE INCURABLE BPS.
Oh, the torturous heartbreak that is BPS: Bad Pun Syndrome.
My BPS symptoms started flaring up again last night, cleverly waiting until I was floating in a dream state with my BPS defense system down.
Blame it on too many doses of Muskrat Love but I endured an entire dream sequence that revolved around not the cheesy 70's superstar duo, Captain and Tennille, but instead their pillowy soft bedspread material counterpart.......The Captain and CHENILLE.
It was horrifyingly real and very upsetting especially since I'm ardently anti-chenille.
I think the chenille manufacturers strategically place conspiratorial musings against the rest of us on their bedspreads using the little puckered dots that's synonymous with chenille.
It reads like Braille so that only blind people can run their hands along the dots and decipher the true secret of the chenille bedspread.
The True Secret of the Chenille Bedspread....sounds like a Nancy Drew novel, doesn't it?
However, because of my sheer determination not to succumb to the ill effects of my BPS disease, I survived the night of BPS mind games.
I must be strong and the next time The Captain and Chenille rears its ugly head I can tell it (Don't) Do That To Me One More Time because not even Love Will Keep Us Together!