My oldest daughter, Sunbum, keeps getting asked by other girls at Church if she's "EMO." She does indeed wear her hair over one squinty eye, she likes Fall Out Boy, and openly despises bubbleheaded fakey people. Papi has taken to calling her EMO EMU which she doesn't quite appreciate either. So, Santa left this little beauty in her stocking with a note that said, "For the good little EMO girl on my list- a white belt to make your wardrobe complete!"
So, we're waiting behind a lady at Target processing her 351 Christmas card photos on the Kodak computers when she types her name, "SHARON BOX," into the onscreen order form. Before I could stop him, my oldest son asked her if her husband's name was Jack. Yes, we just met Mrs. Jack In The Box!
My 5 year old son kept calling her "Chicken Patty!" during our annual viewing of Charlie Brown's Christmas Special. She's definitely a white meat patty with some fillers added and a plethora of preservatives. That girl is what, 50 years old by now, and she still looks like a child??!!???
We passed one of those calendar kiosks at the mall and the amazing color photographs of the all new Outhouse Calendar for 2006 really churned up some major excitement within me. I already subscribe to "Outdoor Crapper Monthly," and their December centerfold featuring a rare two seater privy with golden fixtures was truly stunning. I'm not ashamed to admit that I don't buy that publication just for the articles. I can't wait to see what fabulous outhouse pic will represent my birthmonth of May!
I wrote a Christmas skit this year that we performed at Church for our Ward Christmas Party. My Papi, usually loathe to participate in our skit madness, joined in too. While our daughter Natalie (so named after the infamous Thoroughly Mormon Millie) held up the famed "burrito stick" with a tethered frozen burrito dangling down, Papi and I waltzed our way underneath it as our kids sang with gusto, "I saw Mommy kissing PANCHO CLAUS underneath the BEAN BURRITO last night!" Then, I ceremoniously dipped Papi backwards and smooched him to a rousing chorus of applause. Papi had to wear a sombrero lined in pink and he kept calling it the "gay sombrero of doom," so I appreciate him showcasing himself in the gay sombrero for all at Church to see......and laugh at.