The Monsters Be Lookin At Me As If To Say 'You Don't need No More Candy Today!'

Have you ever noticed how retail stores deploy crafty techniques to keep their candy merchandise safe from the hands of little would-be candy thieves looking to acquire sticky fingers in more ways than one?

Yeah, motion-activated mad scientists and howling skeletons would definitely deter most young Milk Dud addicts from plundering into the sweet stuff. This is no coincidence. The ingenious ploy engineered to prevent people from pilfering the treats and leaving empty wrappers behind as a trick is rooted in the scarecrow technology that farmers have used for centuries to keep their corn crops safe. We nail crucifixes up above the door to keep vampires away, right? [Well, we'd probably make an exception for the vampiric but delicious Edward Cullen.] I intimidate Papi with my astoundingly whiffy gastronomic arsenal that I always have at the ready to keep him firmly ensconced on his own side of the bed. So why shouldn't shopping centers keep a talisman of sorts to ward off candy-taking evil spirits too?

Do you need a candy protector for your Halloween harvest this year? I hear the Boogeyman is available and he's slashing em deep.........slashing his prices deep, that is!

Giving The People What They Want

Enjoy the collage of painfully depressed, angst-ridden EMO EMU who drown their sorrows in pseudo-alternative rock bands. Rock bands that specialize in poetically despondent lyrics, grousing and bemoaning the harsh and woeful existence they lead out in the tree-lined suburbs.

FEEL the urge to flop your hair over one eye.

APPLY black eyeliner copiously to form dark rings around your eyes.

PIERCE any body part you can stick an earring through.

LISTEN to Fall Out Boy on your ipod.

WRAP yourself in the standard EMO uniform issued white studded belt.

WORSHIP and pay tribute to the Godfather of EMO, Robert Smith.

Why the sudden EMO EMU onslaught? Well, I've had a mad rush of people lately, logging onto the Infidel from all across the world. Just today the site meter marked visits from Finland, Sweden, Czech Republic, Serbia, Poland, Romania, Peru, Spain, United Kingdom, Mexico, Canada...... Holy crap! Who knew that EMO-ism has spread like a virulent disease to become an International movement? So, of course I'm encouraging this behavior. Come one, come all to marvel in wide-eyed delight at the amazing assortment of EMO EMU's that I have to offer. An EMU for every taste and predilection. Ostriches need not apply.

Oh, and for the freak who logged on from beautiful downtown Tehran, Iran this morning.....SHAME ON YOU! When terrorist countries come a looking for Infidels, it strikes a certain amount of fear into me. Visions of beheadings and bombings go dancing around in head. But, no, not Mr. Iran. He had other things on his mind today. More pressing, urgent issues. I honestly think that Mr. Iran just plain has issues. Want to know what he was looking for? Dirty pictures of domestic cooking queen, Rachael Ray! May mercy be brought upon his sick and twisted little soul.