Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Age Before Beauty

I'm not sure how widespread these new self-checkout DVD rental kiosks are, but in Houston, we have McDonald's Red Box, and Kroger's now has a similar version of it too. Considering that Blockbuster Video charges $3.99 for new releases, while Red Box is only $1.00 a day, it's a rare bargain indeed. To every pro there has to be a con though. That's just how the universe works. Murphy always gets his cut of the action.

My eldest daughter, Sunbum and I, only went to Kroger's to pick up a few items for dinner, and to return a DVD. An elderly couple beat us there, and I could tell that they intended to take their own sweet time. So, I left Sunbum there in line and set out to buy our groceries. When I walked back up to the front, ten minutes later, she was still waiting. I forgot the refried beans, so I again strolled to the other side of the store, and came back another five minutes later, she was still waiting. Irritated, I asked her, "Sunbum, you're still here"? To which, the guy shot me a mean faced glance. Sunbum started to whistle to pass the time and he narrowed his eyes at us. Finally, I figured that our impeccable manners and patience wasn't working for us, so I might as well be as bitchy as possible. The old man asked a teenage sacker what movie he recommended, as the wife, hooked up to a nostril tube oxygen apparatus, scrolled through the computer menu for the umpteenth time. I dialogued with Sunbum in my most snooty British accent, "Yes Niles, what do you suggest off the menu for our evening jollies? Which flick possesses the robust bouquet to compliment a fine meal of steak tartar? Perhaps, we'd like to try the house special after all, because I don't care for the flavor of foreign productions". The man narrowed his eyes even further and threw in a snarly lip curl.

Finally, we hit comedy gold when the man turns to the young clerk and queries, "My wife really wants The 40 Year Old Virgin, but there aren't any more". That's it. Sunbum and I lost it, and started laughing like hyenas. The old farts and teenage boy, though, did not seem to catch the humor in it. Later, while at the checkout stand, I relayed the tale to the 60-ish cashier, and she started laughing too, as she told us in her southern accent, "OOH-WHEE! Let me know when they do find The 40 Year Old Virgin, and send him MY way"!

Dirty swingin seniors!


omar said...


But no, we don't have these machines up here in upstate NY. At least, not yet.

Radioactive Jam said...

Scene: same elderly couple, driving home (or mass transit, or whatever).
She: *silent, stares into space*
He: *likewise*
Time passes...
She: *eyes pop open; turns, uses handbag to club partner on head* "You pervert! How dare you humiliate me like that!"
He: "Ow! Wha...?! Ow!"

jams o donnell said...

Such new fangled dispensing machines are not known here. I daresay someone will import them sometime in the not too distant future. We relay on good old fashioned rental by post from Amazon (not bad a choice whn the local Blockbuster has Revenge of the Nerds III in its World Cinema section!)

40 year old virgins? I can't imagine many men would admit to that!

christo said...

It wouldn't work here. Before anything can be done, the machine would have been vandalised and all its contents emptied out.

Malaysians [i]really love[/i] watching movies.

Moi said...

Wait, wait, wait! They make McDonalds in a machine??

White Man Retarded said...

Old people are feeble, so just push them out of the way next time.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

HAHA, OMAR, We have something you don't have! neener

That's the funny part raj, the humor of the moment just sailed right over their heads. Something tells me by their demonstrated inconsiderate nature, that they're pretty shameless, and not easily embarrassed.

You haven't seen The 40 Year Old Virgin yet, jams? I heard it's raunchy. However, the whole Revenge Of The Nerds trilogy is a cinematic classic.

I think Malaysians are better off with pirated copies anyway. Then they can enjoy the experience the joy of ownership as opposed to renting. A co-worker gave my husband a pirated copy of King Kong at Christmas. It had an anti-theft commercial at the beginning of it. Irony!

carrot, if that were true, I long since would have purchased one of those machines.

Patrick, that cracked me up! Don't tempt me, I'm really trying to get back on the Churchy track again.

Julie said...

*SNORT* That is TOO good to be true! I think I'd have died laughing!

Orion's Mom said...

Haven't seen them here, but my brother-in-law in Utah LOVES them.