Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Battle Of The Sexes In Texas

As most of you know, we are the proud parents of FOUR daughters, and two sons. We've noticed a few glaringly obvious gender differences right from the beginning. Our boys will get mad and fight, but then it's all over and an hour later, they're back playing as though nothing ever happened. The girls, though, oh man, they will carry a grudge forever. They live and breathe for the drama and theatrics. As they teeter perilously close to fullblown puberty, the gender divide is widening.

Now, that our eldest daughter has reached the ripe old age of 11, Papi has made a few wry observations about parenting FOUR girls. First of all, Papi says that we should start buying Kotex feminine napkin stock, since in just a few scant years, we'll practically be the backbone of the company. As a sidenote, I laugh every time I read the term, "feminine napkin". Makes me think of tiny lace squares with embroidered flowers upon them, not products that you use to catch..............never mind.

The other stroke of parenting genius to emerge from Papi's mind came after planting a Vitex tree in our front yard last year. Pictured above is very similar to how our tree looks right now, but I was just too lazy to go out and take a picture. They're gorgeous and hardy in drought weather. They also go by the name Chasteberry, and the purple blooms were once used by ancient Grecians, who ground them up for use as PMS remedies. Upon learning of the beauty and practical application purposes of our Vitex tree, Papi said, "Crap, with four girls, and one hormonal woman, we might as well just plant our whole yard full of Vitex trees to offset the PMS symptoms. It'll make life easier for the rest of us that have to live in this house." That's the point where I always remind Papi that the lion's share of gender deciding chromosomes comes from the man, not the woman. Not to play the "blame game", but Papi largely contributed to the fact that we'll have four teenage girls in our house at one time all on himself!


Lianne said...

Teenage girls... oh boy. I have two and two, and although my boys have gotten into their share of trouble, and I do mean TROUBLE, there isn't the DRAMA.

My girls have and still are drama queens. Sometimes, when I spend a long day with my 14 year old, I have to take a nap.

That's a true story.

jams o donnell said...

No kids so we don't get to see the joys of childhood and teenagehood through the eyes of a parent. I f we had, I am sure my shed would be comfortable!

mullet said...

those lady napkins have wings....they can fly!

Dan the Man said...

i have four older sisters.

i feel with papi.

wendela said...

Ohh boy, ditto what lianne said. I don't have the sons, but the girls can be a wee bit EXHAUSTING!!

Moi said...

Don't forget to remind him that he gets to pay for four weddings! Start saving now.

Syar said...

my dad can probably feel papi's pain : 5 girls, one married off, the other studying, one teenybopper (me) and two wee ones oh so close to needing a Vitex tree.

carrot jello has a point. ay carumba!

elasticwaistbandlady said...

I've been working nonstop the past day and a half, and can I just say how gratifying it is to come home and see all your comments? I love it! But then I'm an admitted attention whore and this feeds my addiction.

lianne, even my toddler daughter puts her hands on her hips and screeches melodramatically and tattles excessively too. How joyful to see my children learning from each other. *ahem*

Oh jams, how I pity you. Can I just tell you how much I relish being broke and spending every waking hour consumed with worry for my spawn? You're young jams, the parental possibility still looms large, and I'm making such a convincing case for the joys of parenthood, aren't I?

I actually LOL'ed at that comment mullet. I was around when the winged version was first introduced. If you didn't apply the adhesive just right to the panty, well, let's just say that now I understand why people need MERKINS.

Yeah, whine, whine, whine, captain M. Remember, I know most of your sisters and they treat you like a young Prince. No, not the diminutive little black singer guy who belts out "Raspberry Beret", the other kind of Prince.

wendela, Exhausting AND expensive

syar and carrot jello, Maybe we can demand a reverse dowry and have the boys pay us off for the honor of having our daughters' hand in marriage. Is there such a thing as a dowry paid in Cheetos?

omar said...

I'm crossing my fingers in hopes that if we have another kid, we get another boy. It's all about weddings and napkins. I don't want any part of it.

wendela said...

Sheesh, elastic. I am naive. Never heard of a merkin before you gave that link. Yeah, bad adhesive trauma sure could lead to that sorta thing. ;-)

Gia said...

OMG that tree has saved my life I swear! (and my husband would plant a field if he knew he could, instead of running off to GNC when I ran out) Bottle it!

elasticwaistbandlady said...

JAMS, Everyone should experience the abject pain, er, I mean, "JOY", of parenthood. We should have a foreign exchange. I'll take in Robyn, Bebe, or Mimi,(your choice) and in return you can host my little green-eyed devil toddler,MELODY. She IS housebroken and has had all of her shots.

Omar, My girls are emotionally exhausting for us, but the boys are on another level entirely. Do you know that not one of my girls has ever had to go to the emergency room? While my boys have about ten trips between them. That includes broken bones, lots of stitches, ear infections from jamming stuff into their ear, dislocated collarbone. It never ends.

wendela, I learned about merkins from a historical account of aristocratic life in the 1700's. Charming. Yeah, those liners bunch up sometimes and make a woman's life profoundly uncomfortable. A friend of mine from Church nearly died last year from Toxic Shock Syndrome introduced to her system by tampons. Menopause isn't looking so bad to me now.

Vitex trees likely won't grow in Canada, but they bloom year round here in Texas. Start your own apothecary! I'll start sending you Vitex blooms.

RC said...

very interesting thoughts...i can't imagine having 4 girls.


I totally agree, plant more of those trees.

--RC of strangeculture.blogspot.com

Elizabeth-W said...

Elastic--I'll be visiting our local nursery next month to see if those things will grow here.
Also, I thought I'd share this little tidbit about PMS/periods in general, in hopes of saving you even a tiny bit of grief. There was a study done recently that examined women's attitudes about menses, and what their mothers taught them. It showed that women who were taught that periods are just part of life, that they are not disruptive, horribly painful, etc. described their periods in much the same way. Conversely, women who were raised by mothers who referred to "the curse", that life shuts down for days at a time, pain is horrible and unbearable, etc., reported having periods which greatly negatively affected their lives for about half of the month. Yes we do have hormonal fluctuations, and some of us do have it worse than others, and yes, teenage girls have it even worse, but still...I think if I set my girls up to have an excuse for crabbiness, I bet I'm going to have two crabby daughters.
ps--I've long thought about having a dinner in which only women are present, and having 'napkins' on the table with the salad and regular forks laying on them.

Me said...

Your life sounds full but fun and adventurous - I am ashamed to admit I struggle to raise one child! She is a 7 year old girl and as dramatic as you indicated yours can be! I have really enjoyed reading your blog

christo said...

When I have kids of my own, I want them to call me Papi. Makes me sound exotic it will.

And I love the The Count of Monte Christo. Makes me sound exotic it does.

LOL! (I'm not much of LOL! fan but... you know that already. :))

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

Yeah! Cry about it, Papi!

I always see you on Lianne's and Carrot's blogs so I thought I'd pop my head in and see what was going on. ;)

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Hey RC! They say that when boys grow up, they leave. While girls are a joy forever. I'm bearing that in mind. Constantly.

meh elizabeth, We don't really suffer, I just thought that Papi made a funny comment. Stereotypical, but funny. Although, I'd love to be invited to a women's banquet featuring feminine napkins. As you know they are super absorbent and will aptly handle cleaning up whatever I spill!

Hello me, I've seen you around wendela's. What can I say? "Thank heavens for little girls"! Now I'm going to be singing that for the next hour.

LOL, Papi Christo has a nice ring to it. Don't cha think? LOL LOL LOL
Alright, that met my LOL quota for the third quarter blogger projection.

We've been expecting you naddin. What took you so long? Elizabeth and I will break out the feminine napkins and treat you to a sumptuous welcoming banquet!