Monday, July 31, 2006

Something Wicked This Way Comes

My profound love of all things Febreze is no secret. This is truly a miracle product designed to whisk away the pungent sins that assault the olfactory glands. The many blessings that Febreze have brought into my home would boggle your mind.

Wal Mart has them on sale, so I stocked up. You can never have too many air freshener supplies on hand in case of a malodorous emergency. This seemed to prove fortuitous as there was an "incident" in our household yesterday.

I'm under a lot of pressure to finalize and perfect a skit and dialogue I wrote for the opening of our homeschool conference this weekend. When I'm under pressure, I tend to procrastinate and the stress manifests itself as "stomach problems". Ahem. So, yesterday, I'm traipsing backwards out of the restroom while simultaneously spraying copious amounts of Febreze in an obvious and discernible pattern. My daughter, Sunbum was sitting in my room and asked, "MOM? What the heck are you doing"? I told her in a very serious tone that I had taken it upon myself to perform an exorcism on the evil that resided within the walls of my bathroom. Sunbum perked up and said, "Yeah, um, okay. But why are you moving the Febreze can back and forth and up and down"? I didn't want to come across as sarcastic during such a somber moment but I responded as piously as possible, "Dur! I'm making the sign of the cross with the Febreze spray. How else can I ward off the evil spirits"?

I included this picture because it reminded me of the old Reese's peanut butter cup commercial where they talk about what a great combination peanut butter and chocolate is. "Febreze and BEANS. Some things were just meant to go together". You really shouldn't have one without the other. Amen!


Elizabeth-W said...

Elastic, I'm concerned that you might need to be seen by a gastric doctor of some type. I worry that you're hyper-stinky-flatulent. Maybe there's something medically wrong with you :) If you find out what it is, let me know because I'm pretty sure my otherwise very sweet husband has the same thing. (I tease because I love. Are you feelin' the love?)

the flying monkeys said...

Ha ha you are so witty and funny

White Man Retarded said...

Here is an answer: mix one tablespoon of febreeze with one can/cup beans and you won't have a problem. Which leads to an invention I want to come up with: designer-fragrance suppositories for the flatuently-impaired. Just imagine: Coco by Chanel, Eternity, Drakkar Noir. Can you imagine Liz Taylor doing a commercial for it? Or Marilyn Monroe's 7 Year Itch picture being used for advertisement?

RC said...

how funny, i love the febreeze/beans combination.

you could do a series of these...

liter box + febreeze
wet dog + febreeze
fast food in car + febreeze

in fact, you could even try to get febreeze to pay you for such promotions.

--RC of