You know how the PBS stations keep you abreast of progress made during their annual, semi-annual, monthly, weekly, seemingly daily Pledge Drives, right? It's usually a big freakin deal with lots of hoopla and machine manufactured bubbles floating around. "Tiny Bubbles" for Don Ho and bigger ones for Lawrence Welk. Man, that dude had some BIG bubbles! It's time for an update on The 2006 Infidel Newspaper Carrier Donation Drive. Brought to you without any bubble interruptions or gagarific PBS styled Peter, Paul, and Mary music.
So far I've received almost 100 envelopes containing a various assortment of cash, checks, and gift cards. All totaled I have a subscriber base of nearly 700 customers so I'm rapidly closing in on a 15 percent response mark which ain't too shabby.
I'm obsessive compulsive about the tips too. I keep a notebook where I chronicle the days haul by dividing it into sections by date, last name, address, amount given, and then I make small notes detailing whether or not they wished me a Merry Christmas, or if they sent a particularly lovely card. That way I have everything in order when I make my deposit slips and a nice detailed account for writing out my thank you notes without having to pilfer through an entire envelope stack. I have a system. A very anal retentive system.
Papi's new daily ritual involves excitedly asking me at the tallying up conclusion how much I got, and what that brings the grand total to. When I revealed my booty today, (hee hee 'BOOTY') he rubbed his hands together with apopletic glee, and I swear he licked his lips. So I casually told him that we could always re-enact that classic movie scene between Woody Harrelson and Demi Moore in "Indecent Proposal" where they roll around passionately on a bed filled with the million dollars in small unmarked bills that Demi 'earned' from getting it on with Robert Redford. Sweet. I grabbed up the envelopes and gift cards in preparation to spread it around the bed with reckless abandon but Papi only looked at me while shaking his head NO. I bet he would have done it if it had all been in cash. What a snob. Like, a few Target gift cards stuck to your butt never killed anybody.