Wednesday, February 13, 2008

The Infidels Go On A Shopping Excursion!

If you've ever attended Primary in my church you can sing along with the bouncy little ditty joyfully teaching about preparing for the Sabbath and all the crap important work that must be completed on Saturday so that we may rest on Sunday.

The mini-Infidels watch a very limited amount of T.V. each week so we all burst out laughing when 6-year old Boo-Boo began singing:

"Saturday is a special day
It's the time we watch our cartoons all day
We watch T.V. and we watch some more
And we won't stop watching til Mondaaaayyyy"

Lovely, no?

Boo-Boo was quite disappointed because we cut into his sacred Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle time and spent most of Saturday at our favorite haunt, Traders Village Flea Market!

We stopped here to look for some half-price azzes in the event that we ever actually LMAO like we say we do. Sadly, the pickings were mighty slim in the azz department. False Azz advertising. :(

Nothing shows a deep and abiding love for your soulmate like dragging home sleazy lingerie from the flea market. I couldn't resist the fuzzy blue ensemble in the middle. It seems perfectly perfect for a surprise Valentine's gift. See it? It's the one that looks like eyes and a mouth screaming out "NOOOOOOOOOO!" I love it! I sure hope it fits Papi because they said you can't exchange or return the merchandise.

These are the Infidels Of Discontent. I denied them the pleasure that only a flea market corndog experience can bring. The corndog stand is conveniently located next to the row of puppy peddlers. Coincidence?

Here we are terrorizing the fine folks at Half-Price Books. My daughter Sunbum likes Big Buds, and she cannot lie! She had her hands all over those Big Buds when no one was looking.

Buster does not like shopping unless it involves B.B. guns/Nerf guns/air guns or some sort of camouflage clothing. He's either wondering if it'll all be over soon or if he can make eye contact with passing spacecraft in hopes of rescue.

Melody is practicing her facial expressions just in case the Face family ever adopts her. One must exercise and expand the elasticity of the jaw line before even attempting to replicate a patent Face Family picture moment.

Thinking about wrapping your baby up in plastic like a newly won goldfish from the county fair? What a fantastic idea! It even features air vents for "good circulation." I know, why not just put your kid inside a plastic grocery bag? That way they're more easily transportable and you won't even need that bulky stroller.

The official dusting apparatus of The Gay Pride movement. It's made from 100% percent authentic Rainbow Brite particles, beyotch.

This is what happens when you leave your trashy trucker cap next to your cowboy hat in a darkened closet.......they spawn monstrously ugly headwear.
If you build your cap out of straw the Big Bad Wolf is going to get you.

All Natural, Fat Free, and Mild.......that is exactly how I like my Mexican!

And finally, for the pet with the most discriminate of, scratch that. For the pet with absolutely ZERO taste buds, Dollar General presents their own line of processed pet food. Chunks&Bones is made completely from organic material donated to the company by people who didn't have the time to bury their victims. Coats'N'Tails calls itself a complete and balanced meal for your pet but they left out the Snips'N'Snails. Or maybe Coats'N'Tails is actually comprised of discarded tuxedos. Whatever the ingredients, Mmmmm, Mmmmm that's some good eatin!
* owns Husker Du's Greatest Hits*


jams o donnell said...

Ha I remember the ordeal of shopping with parents. I think Father Toninello, our old parish priest, used it as an appropriate penance for confession!. I can ever imagine my mum buying one of those blue ensembles under any circumstances!

jams o donnell said...

Wooo hoo I'm first!

glittersmama said...

Did you pay them to flip the sign up like that for that first picture?

omar said...

I can't believe that stroller cover exists.

Nancy Face said...

I see my name!!! (tear of joy)

I want to adopt her! ;)

Nancy Face said...

Love Boo-Boo's song! :D

Nancy Face said...

I do not wish to imagine that fuzzy blue lingerie ensemble on your Papi.

Nancy Face said...

That stroller cover is...uh...?

Nancy Face said...

Chunks & Bones? Coats 'N' Tails?
Hahaha! :D

Nancy Face said...

There you have it...six utterly useless comments.

Nancy Face said...

Seven...I'm done now.

I promise.

Rebecca said...

Rainbow Brite particles? Definitely. That was hilarious!

In the shot of the "lingerie", (haha), it looks like there the middle of the fuzzy bra. Is that an illusion or are there really holes there?

Lingerie for Mrs. Cookie Monster! Or those with a Cookie Monster fetish.

nikko said...

That's it. I'm putting "Visit H-ton and go flea market shopping with EWBL" on my to do list. ;o)

Hilary said...

How many of us went back to check on that blue fuzzy bra after Rebecca's comment? (raises hand)

Love your commentary.. and your kidlets are adorable. :)

Maddy said...

Ooo that transported me back a couple of decades when I had to MAKE my own stroller cover.

Glad you had a blast.

shay said...

I think maybe boys the world over have that same look while shopping. Made me laugh with recognition. My husband has it too but he's much scarier and surely to boot. I just don't take him anymore lol.

yummy taste free Mexican ____________??? What is that anyway? Should I eat something that I don't understand? Hmmmm!

Thanks for the chuckle! My kids get that same look (re: fun time boys on my blog. I think you gave me the nod of recognition on their joy lol). Ah joy!

Bee said...

That's it! I'm moving to Texas just so I can shop at your flea market! The one we have here is inside because of the weather!
I say weather smeather!

Sketchy said...

Alas, I didn't have to go back and check out the blue lingerie ensemble I notice that for myself. I also notice it may be some sort of prostetic device for those who's bikini wax went tragically array.

I don't think my husband would appreciate it if I was out tasting the all natural mild mexican. He would probably consider that grounds for divorce actually.

Boy I am just taking the clean and chaste road tonight, aren't I?

Elizabeth-W said...

That stroller cover is a breeding ground for impetigo

Klin said...

No false azz-vertising here. Swing by and pick up your bloggy bling! It's a waiting for ya.

Lisa said...

Mmmm, Chunks and Bones. Who can resist?

Millie said...

Hey now - I would pick up one of those stroller covers in a heartbeat for Roz. She'd at least keep her pants dry.

The holes in the fuzzy blue bra are in case you're really a Fembot (you know - for the nipple guns).

I did not know the Gay Pride movement was so into dusting. But it makes total sense.

wynne said...

*snicker* There are so many things I could comment on I don't know where to start, so I don't think I'll even try. (Except to say that the idea of the blue lingerie being a face screaming "NOOOO!" made me laugh aloud--and that's rare as finding an unnatural wild mexican "cheese product" (what--it's not quite cheese?) at your local grocery store).

What I'm trying to say is that I enjoyed the post immensely.

Jennifer B. said...

Glad to see you're hilarious as ever.

Happy Valentine's!

No Cool Story said...

A+++++ post EWBL!!!!
If I had an award for A+++++ posts you'd get it, but alas, I don't.
The sweaty fogged baby in the stroller is my favorite.

Rebecca said...

Laughing at Millie's "fembot".

Hee hee.

Jean Knee said...

Melody is mine, infidel. You promised her to me. meeeee.

Amanda said...

Who knew that flea markets could be so much, fun. I like millie's comment about the fuzzy, blue, missing something lingerie. It makes perfect sense now!

Melissa said...

I don't know how you find these items... but I too have the hope of one day being adopted by the face family... sigh.. said...

Traders Village is pretty darn Jazzy. I can't say I have every bought anything there but I like looking. It seems like lingerie from a place like that would be sure to give you crabs or scabies... even if you washed it.

DO you laugh really hard when you take pictures like that... the few times I have I couldn't stop laughing.