It Was The Best Of Films:It Was The Worst Of Films:And we had the pleasure/misfortune of seeing them both yesterday.
The Spiderwick Chronicles isn't faithful to the imaginative but dreary books. No, instead it covered all the criteria needed for an Infidel family super smiley face rating. We laughed. We cried. We saw flying griffins in the sky. We also saw scraggly Nick Nolte as a wily, yellow-eyed ogre as though that was a big acting stretch for him. And I learned that Andrew McCarthy is not dead like I once believed. I'm so relieved. Maybe I'll get to live long enough to see Pretty In Pink Two:The Midlife-Crisis.
Jumper did jump all right.......directly on to my Worst 10 Movies Of All Time List! You know how there's always at least one attention whore person who insists on standing up at the most inopportune times to talk about the most inappropriate thing (You know the one. The kind of person who talks about French-kissing in the middle of a crowded church meeting) and all you can do is stare down at your shoes and avoid eye contact because you're so embarrassed for them? That's how craptastically lame the dialogue was in Jumper. The main guy actually said: "Thank you very much. I'll be here all week. Don't forget to tip your usher."
I've seen wittier repartee on Cartoon Network. They should have hired the Spongebob people as scriptwriters. The action sequences were completely shaky and hard-to-follow. It felt like back in the day when I couldn't afford cable and I'd try to watch it through the scrambled signal. It's never a good sign when the people around you in the theater continue yawning and whispering "Is it over yet?" to each other. No, it'll never be over because not one, but TWO upcoming sequels are planned. I don't know why. Jumper has only jumped over one thing.....THE SHARK!
In life there must be sour with sweet. Light with dark. Buffet with ala carte dining. Old Willy Wonka and New Willy Wonka. Sunshine with rain. So, there must also be movie joy with movie pain.
*humor-blogs.com only owns a bootleg copy of the Elmo In Grouchland DVD. They force their guests to watch it over and over and over again.*