Friday, March 06, 2009

From The Ankles Up, I'm All Business.......

But from the ankles down, I'm all party.....

More specifically, I'm a hippy-dippy, tie-dyed Bob Marley party. You should see my magnificent toe hair dreadlocks.
When wearing these shoes, my feet relentlessly tap out the Morse Code version of "One World, One Love" all day long as though independent from the rest of my body.
"Let's get together and feel alriiigghhhttt....."
That's the real reason why Asians bind their feet. It's to shut them up.
I finally was forced to adopt a zero tolerance stance prohibiting them from burning any kind of "incense" in the sanctity of my footwear. I understand that my feet may consider my Good Time shoes as their special private place where they can do whatever they feel like, but you know, sometimes I do need to get through security and ultra-sniffy dogs to get places.
Man, I'm such an unmellow fascist pouring holy water on their little smoke-filled lovefest.
Reluctantly, I did compromise and purchase some lovely socks for my feet made from the most organic hemp crops. They feel positively toasted in them.
Anyway, I think I've long established my predilection for the most bizarro WTF?-ery of novelty socks, but I've never before shared my bizarro WTF?-ery shoe fetish.
I picked up these little homage to the Grateful Dead beauties at a new thrift store that caters to teens called Plato's Closet. I visually scoured the shoes for any traces of foot funk left over from the previous inhabitants. I also did some deep and profound sole searching. I'm happy to report that these shoes were undoubtedly never worn and yet still bore an amazing price tag of only ten bucks.
I am a little disturbed to think about Plato, one of the greatest philosophers in history, as a cross-dresser, but at least I can take comfort in the fact that the sparkly tube dress and high heels in his closet were cheap. I do like a frugal man!
I only have a few pairs of weird shoes. Certainly not enough to open up my own FooFoo Feet Museum in the shoe closet just yet.
See, I have certain stringent criteria regarding price, function, and comfortability factors. I'm not easy. Not just any old random oddball shoe can apply for employment at Smiling Infidel Central.
Here's some of the lucky few who made it past the rigorous selection process:

If Papi and I ever get divorced, I'm going to date both Dr. Scholls and Mr. Vans so I can be sure that my poor, defenseless little feet will never be stinky or cold again.......

16 comments:

Millie said...

"You should see my toe hair dreadlocks" was only the first of several golden nuggets left in this post. I LOVE these shoes! Where do you find them? I might have to join the Bob Marley Ganja Shoe/Hemp Sock movement.

My shoes are so boring compared to yours.

Karen said...

uhhhhhmmmm....are you aware that in the first pic, the shoes are backwards? Do you wear them on the wrong feet like that? I do love them though....wish we had a store like that around here!

Jami said...

Ooo! Most excellent!

Carrot Jello said...

My daughter has those tie dye ones. In high top, of course.

Rebecca said...

I'm still giggling at "toe hair dreadlocks".

At least they keep your feet warm!

Elizabeth-W said...

Karen stole my comment. And those are good lookin'.

Nancy Face said...

Those shoes are SA-WEET! I'd love to be snooping around in Plato's Closet! :)

jams o donnell said...

Ooh the not-wife would love those. SHe is braiding her toe hairs as I type!

I like Vans but my God they are expensive here

Jean Knee said...

I love toe hair


okay we have a new operating system and I no longer have yer email so email me something okay?

I will be there Friday-Sun and look forward to the gas fest that will ensue

Hilary said...

And here I am in boring old white sneakers. I need to go shoe shopping with you.

Suzanne said...

Elastic, you will have such happy feet!

Come and check out my Blog when you have the chance. I have been working on a cool project! :)

Rhonda said...

If those are your only two choices, you should date the Dr. Besides the comfy footwear, he also has the "are you gellin'?" pads and foot creams and all those callus/wart/bunion/stinky feet remedies. More bang for your dating dollar.

J-Mom said...

I love it here! It's sad I've not been in awhile. Love the toe hair dreadlocks! Shoes are pretty cool too!

J-Mom said...

I was swinging back by here and my 8 yr daughter saw your shoes and she absolutely loves them!

Suburban Hippie said...

I'm jealous of your shoes.

I've wanted to check that place out but I've never gotten around to it... now that I know cool chicks like you shop there I'll have to make it a priority.

aubrey said...

i've heard great stuff about plato's closet..but have never been. love your new shoes. i want some just like them.