Thursday, January 27, 2011

My Brother Is The Non-Caped Ketchup Cleaning Crusader!

I'm always in awe of the legendary innovativeness of my family.
It's as though we sprang from the sacred hoo-hoo of The Mother of Invention herself!
Anyway, my 22 year-old brother may have lost his job due to to a newer kind of sport I'll dub "EXTREME PROBLEM SOLVING."
See, he's afflicted with a chromosomal disorder similar to Down's Syndrome but he's high functioning enough to secure placement in a work skills program at school.
Alas, Amelia Bedelia Syndrome may also play a part in this sad, sad tale of well-meaningness gone horribly awry.
Anyway, the manager of the restaurant at my brother's latest job site instructed him to go out to the patio and clean all the ketchup bottles.
Always the dutiful employee, my brother did exactly as he was told.
The problem? Well, the problem is that he cleaned the ketchup bottles by meticulously licking each and every one until they shone brilliantly; something only a potent spit varnish will accomplish.
I'm the mother of picky pickers and a sister to a real live ketchup licker.
The teacher in charge called my mom to notify her of my brother's kitty kat-bath-meet-ketchup-bottle cleaning technique in what had to rank as the most awkward conversation ever.
Puzzled, my mom just kept repeating, "But he doesn't even like ketchup."
How many licks to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop? The world may never know.
How many licks to clean a ketchup bottle? Ask my brother who is now presumably the newest ketchup-licking champion of the world.
I can't wait for a fast and furious match-up between him and the CATSUP-licking champion of the world because that'll undoubtedly be a feat of condiment epicness that Pay Per View will add to their lineup.
Advice For Ketchup Bottle Cleaning Day:
A cleaning rag that's handy is dandy.......... but to licker is quicker!



Just found a recipe for ketchup cake. YUM!

I think I'll save that for my brother's birthday.


This post made me do soemthing I haven't done in over a decade.....start singing "The Ketchup Song" complete with the dorky hand dancing motions.

Carrot Jello said...

a great way to save on laundering cloths to clean them. he should get a raise.

Elizabeth-W said...

Every chance I get, I will lick my 7 year old's face if it's got something I don't mind licking--like chocolate cake or something.
Maybe your mom's a secret licker.

elastic said...

I lick my fingers and then attempt to "clean the schmutz" off my kid's face while channeling my inner Jewish mom.

Usually they jerk away from me just in time.

The Elastic Company said...

I was just thinking about the elevated levels of beneficial lycopene coursing through my brother's veins...

Nancy Face said...

My son would probably get along great with your brother - he doesn't like ketchup either, and he constantly cleans his iPod by licking it! :D

J-Mom said...

No witty comment---too busy laughing!