This is an inspiring tale of the plight of crackers to forge a cohesive, effective unit against a common enemy... a large woman looming closer and closer, with a nefarious can of Cheez Whiz in hand looking to terrorize the peaceful community of Crackertopia.
Crackertopia is a wondrous place located in the state of Serving Platter. They have a long sordid history that goes back many hundreds of years. As time passed, crackers from other places, countries and cultures came to live in Crackertopia. Sensing the difference between them, all the crackers divided themselves into their own little groups and refused to mingle with crackers not of their kind. They even taught their children history in accordance to their COLOR. What? That's crazy, you may be saying to yourself, but it's true. Much strife ensued as there was mutual distrust among the many cracker varieties of Crackertopia.
Having never been truly threatened with imminent death, the crackers became complacent. That is until one day when terrorism came to strike at the heart of their beloved community.
The strange creature in the shape of a Bromdinagian woman was relentless in her attacks against them. Her hunger insatiable. They knew that in this time of great emergency, that they must forget from whence they came and think of themselves as simply the brotherhood of crackers. The residents of Crackertopia formed a great alliance that swiftly defeated their foe.
It was then that they realized that they shared a commonality that transcends variety, shape, color, and culture. They vowed to never again be divisive in their ideology and teaching of their young.
Look at this picture of them in happier times. A Jewish matzo next to a Christian fish next to an African wafer. Wealthy 'ritzy' crackers next to generic brand. Round crackers next to ovals and triangles.Brown crackers peacefully coinciding with white and orange crackers. They truly learned to love one another and look out for their neighbors. Too bad we can't all live in the state of Serving Platter. Beautiful story, right? You may be wondering why Crackertopia has an invader located right in the middle of their town square. That would be me, the narrator, a giant slice of WHITE CHEESE!
P.S Before you feel all happy and warm inside, time passed and they forgot their camaraderie just as another enemy was revealed to be bent on their total annihilation. Can they band together once more or will they perish at the hands of wicked radicals?
7 comments:
AHHH, yes! I think I have heard this story somewhere else....
I love crackers, however, they are better when separated in packages. Crackers are best enjoyed when not mixed with other crackers. You could get a tummy ache.
Hey Major! Mixing crackers makes beautiful results. Just gaze at the gorgeous multi-cracker tray. Obviously, you are some kind of cracker hater to make those comments. I'm phoning C.R.A.P. to report you. (Cracker Relation Alliance Party)
Can you keep a secret miss biotech? While I enjoy the can-do attitude of my little cracker citizens, they are also very tasty. Their Serving Platter homeland is not their own but was instead a piece of land preordained to go to them if they were worthy of such blessings.
Clearly, my skills surpass Hans Christian Andersen and the city of Houston will erect a giant statue of a cracker at the Port in my honor.
Well miss biotech, like most genius masterminds nobody recognizes my awesomeness, and they won't until I'm dead. Then the World will celebrate me and my mere name and image will command huge sums of money.
This could take awhile for the unveiling to happen, but when it does I suggest you wear a sparkly velvet dress with a feather boa for the occasion.
Oh my cow! A second coincidence in one day? Just this afternoon, I perused over a friend's student agenda and on each daily box she had written every odd holiday, including "national crackers day" sometime this week or the next. That's how naive she is, but chancing upon your blog I think I'm just ignorant of simple things like "Celebrate Cracker History Month." Thanks for the interesting scoop.
Well aldrich, apparently you and I aren't ethnically special enough to have our very own history month so by staging Cracker History Month, I feel less slighted and angry at the World, and a bit hungry at the thought of crackers topped with Cheez Whiz.
Triscuit, triscuit
chicken and a biscuit
http://www.smilinggoat.com/cracker_portraits.html
Everybody loves crackers...
You're right Veronica! Maybe that can be the working title of a mid-season replacement show at CBS.
'Everybody Loves Crackers'
Thanks for posting, we need more Yankee opinion on this blog. Will you be our official token Mid-Westerner?
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