Monday, February 27, 2006

Toilet Bound American Idol Wannabe

Without question, music can invoke certain feelings within us. It has the power to form a Super-Glue bond between distant memories from our past and the song that may have been playing in the background of our lives.

In the late 1980's, I was about 13 and had two friends named Melanie. Yes, just exactly like the Spice Girls, except we didn't wear platform shoes and sing craptastic songs in slutty mini skirts while screaming out about GUUUURRRLLL POWER! Other than that though, just the same, two Melanies. Melanie H. and Melanie C. Melanie H. and I decided to go over to Melanie C.'s house one sunny Saturday afternoon to hang out. When we got there, her older brother told us that she was upstairs and to go on up.

We did, but Melanie wasn't in her room. That's when we heard it. Singing, that seemed to be coming out of the bathroom. So, we ventured down the hall and stood outside the bathroom quietly listening, with our ear to the door and our hands over our mouths to stifle the giggling. Melanie C. was singing Berlin's, 'Take My Breath Away', in her best voice, but it sounded exaggerated and squeaky. Still seated on the toilet, she performed acapella with her only musical accompaniment stemming from the occasional turd hitting the water and splashing with a giant, PLOP sound, blissfully unaware that her two "friends" were standing in the hallway dying with laughter. Finally, she finished up and walked down to her room to find us sitting in there cracking up. Melanie C. asked what was so funny, and we started singing, "I know, take my breath awaaayyyy, PLOP, PLOP". Poor Melanie C., she was mortified, and we never let her forget it. Truly, between her voice and her stink, it really did take our breaths away.

Now, my daughters and I went grocery shopping last week, and the absolutely horrific Jessica Simpson version of that song started blaring over Kroger radio. To which I couldn't control myself. Like a tribute to my past glory days, I started singing with gusto along with Jessica, "Take my breath awaaayyyy", but I had to add the PLOP, PLOP, much to the confusion of the people on the aisle with us when we erupted into uproarious laughter.

To most, that song represents a number one hit, a song that they slow danced to at their first formal, or the tender love song from the movie, 'Top Gun'. Not me, it reminds me of poop and tormenting a good friend. Ahhhhh memories.

6 comments:

wendela said...

You know I'm gonna tell you I prefer the food-based (before digestion) posts. :)

By the way, what is it with LDS folks and crackers? First your post, now this one I found on another blog which I have no idea how I found. While I am at it, seems I keep coming across loads of LDS blogs. Maybe it's the "new scrapbooking". lol

Anonymous said...

IF I SAID IT ONCE...I HAVE SAID IT ONE THOUSAND TIMES...NO SINGING IN THE SHOWER, RAIN , BATHROOM OR IN KROGERS. YOU COULD NOT CARRY A TUNE IN A BUCKET.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

I can't vouch for other LDS people, but I use crackers solely for entertainment purposes and the occasional accoutrement for my soup.
Also, I try not to specify my denomination because as a spiritually sluggish convert, I don't want people to misconstrue my radical ideas, and craziness to be in any way represenative of my faith. Already we got a bad word of mouth because of mistaken beliefs about our doctrine and such.
Arranging and posing crackers in provocative ways for a photo shoot, and making them be my personal political analogies is a much more productive use of time than scrapbooking.

Hey anonymous, you sir are wrong. Last week I was mopping, and dropped my Walkman into the bucket (fortunately it was already empty), so I did carry a tune in a bucket. IN YOUR FACE!

wendela said...

I was only joking about the LDS thing/scrapbooking. I saw from an older post you aren't into scrapbooking- I agree! Back when I homeschooled, (had lots of LDS friends) it seems all the moms (of all faiths) scrapbooked. I was always the pariah listening to the "bad music" and generally doing stuff of which they (all the homeschool moms) didn't approve *sigh*. But I actually kinda liked it that way. My kids turned out fine, are not devil worshippers, and have a decent grip on reality. This has absolutely nada to do with your post so I will shut up now.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Hooray for social pariahs, let's band together and take over the World! We'll show the meek and reverent who will inherit the Earth!

On a side note, my 10 year old is becoming increasingly odd and sings, "I am woman, hear me roar, I am too BIG to ignore, I AM WOOOOMAAAAN", half the day. She's definitely member criteria for the youth branch of our Social Pariahs Of America Club.

Todd Lillywhite said...

Thanks for your comment. Your blog looks interesting. I especially enjoyed this. Music and scent are some of the strongest keys to memory storage and recall. I posted briefly about this last year http://toddlillywhite.blogspot.com/2005/02/music-with-hooks.html
Take care.