Chewing a piece of gum and realizing that an escaped strand of hair has embedded itself into it. The feeling of pulling the hair out of your mouth and untangling it from the gum is indescribable. YUCK!
A Sister in our Ward who's sweet as can be and graciously volunteered to bring my family a home cooked meal post birth of our fifth child. The same Sister has gorgeous, brilliantly lustrous raven black hair that descends all the way to the middle of her back. However, it looks much better on her scalp than the numerous long hairs we extracted from her cucumber salad and mystery casserole that was nondescript due to the shimmery grease pools floating on top.
Finally, I miss Major, my Brokeback Mountain watching comrade and contributor of amusing comments.(Look closely Major, I'm blowing kisses to you via the Internet) Sadly, he is no longer employed at the same glamorous warehouse that I am but I wish him well. Our boss is 40 ish, tall, and jogs on a regular basis. Granted he does have some fine looking legs, but he insists on wearing these little itty bitty nylon running shorts. One of the last quotes relayed by Major that I will cherish always is, "Damn, if his shorts were any smaller, he'd have to wear a hair net".
I cut my own hair once every year and a half to donate to Locks Of Love, but it's not for purely altruistic motives. The most awkward thing ever is engaging in conversation and having to pause mid sentence to fish some stringy hair out of your mouth. When in the company of people that I'm less comfortable with, I've just swallowed it and then felt like I was going to choke to death. The scratchy feeling of hair pressed against my windpipe is nastiness personified. I totally empathize with cats and their battle of the hairballs. So, if you're searching for a support group for hair atrocities, you've come to the right place. My sympathy lies with you.
16 comments:
Eww, hair in food and grease pools on food. Yukko. Can't say I've willingly swallowed my own hair, either. I've instead opted to look like a mental case swiping out and away some unseen "thing".
Good for you to do the Locks of Love donation. They wouldn't want mine- I checked- "no bleach" and, well, yeah, there's a bit of that "highlight" here and there ;)
As for Major, maybe you can still persuade him to contribute, even though his job has moved on.
Yeah, just because his job's moved on, doesn't mean he has to... it's a big wide world!
One of my Laurel's donated her hair this last week for Locks of Love too. She's Tongan, and her hair was down to her fingertips. It was very very beautiful hair, someone's going to get a gorgeous wig. Yesterday she had a tiny little ponytail. I think all the hours she spent growing that hair should count towards at least two value projects! Don't you?
My family tries to tell me that they find my hair in their food all the time, so finally I said, "next time you do- tell me!" I haven't heard anyone complain since. But I almost believed them because I buy Draino often from Sam's Club.
I remember one time when we moved into a new house in our ward when I was a kid a RS member gave us a frozen casserole that was disgusting! It turned out the casserole was given to this particular sister when she moved into HER house. Hmmm...no hairs though, but tacky.
When my kids hold up a hair they discovered in our food, I tell them to scrapbook it so we can savor the memories forever.
I'll miss Major's Lilliputian charm, our hours spent during the night discussing decorating, recipes, and his top ten favorite lesbian list. Long story, but trust me, Major won't be back.
patrick, the worst is when people assume we want their stained, mutilated hand me downs to clothe our children in and they dump it surreptitiously on our doorstep or on our truck while at Church. One Sister who doubled as my kid's preschool teacher gave us good stuff though. Lots of Gap, Polo, and Limited Too, that her daughter had barely worn. In that case my girls were thrilled. Hand me down casserole is another story altogether though.
I used to be a pastry chef before I became an RN and my hair was getting pretty long. My boss asked me to cut my hair, although we wear hats and he never saw my hair except when I came to work and left work to go home. So, the next morning I shaved my head with my wife's lady bic. Smooth as a baby's buttock, (the right buttock, to be exact). Well, he thought I was a freak, but the whole point of this, Carrot Pudding, is that only you can prevent hairy casseroles. How was Relief Society?
Mimo, I looked you up and found no site. Scared?
We're just returning from a Boy Scout dinner with a Mexican theme. Aye Carumba! Sometime I'll have to blog about buffet line table manners. People licking and slurping their damn fingers then grabbing chips with their nasty bare hands. Not talking about kids here either, ADULTS! Crimes against humanity.
If my immune system can survive hairy casseroles I'm sure it can survive this evening's fiesta.
I am also good friends with the lint roller. But I've made it a rule of thumb never to eat food made by random ward members. I could explain, but let's just say one story involves a cat and the other invloves 12 people contracting hepatitis-A (that's right, the kind you get from FECAL MATTER).
So that's how Mormons shall overcome the world, by building immunities to certain viruses through the vehicle of ward functions that non-members won't stand a chance against; the conspiracy grows deeper. And Carrot Pudding, I know you make casseroles; I can tell by your writing. I am psychic...Don't deny yourself, it's nothing to be ashamed about. Some make steak, some make casseroles...
Abby, that sounds awful. Did you get sick too? A Ward member who is also a Health Inpsector had commented about the high potential for illness given the lack of proper food temps. people using their freakin hands instead of utensils, etc., my friend told him thats the real reason why we bless the food. (I apologize for the strong word usage in my comment, but I have higher expectations of Church members than to behave like what I witnessed and it turned my stomach)
When Hair Gets In The Way Part 2: Ladies, do you ever have a stray hair find its way into your bra? It becomes extremely uncomfortable and itchy and makes you just want to reach your hand down there and dig it out, to heck with the consequences. Man, I HATE that!!!
Hey carrot, my Mom used to embarrass me to no end because she would wear V-neck tops and when her McDonald's French Fries fell into her bosom, she thought nothing of plucking it out and popping it right into her mouth while laughingly telling me that breast sweat gave it that 'special flavor'.
Other than that though my Mom is a lovely woman. Lovely.
As for me, the booby section on all my shirts have spots and dots because that's just a natural landing strip for food drips.
WOW carrot, that's a real rite of passage to have 'the talk'. I told my girls, my oldest is almost 11, that Heavenly Father made our bodies perfect in every way and included a 'natural shelf'. I told my boys that they better spread a napkin across their laps while eating because without the virtues of a feminine natural shelf they just make the most repulsive stains on their pants.
And speaking of buffet manners, you'll have to check out one of my brother's blog about Engineers and handwashing. I'm sure you'll enjoy it!
http://eatingpaste.blogspot.com/2005/09/working-with-engineers.html
JULIE, yes, your brother has his finger on the pulse of us more considerate people. I'll never forget the day my daughter who was 5 at the time, screamed out loud in the department store bathroom, "Mommy, look at that lady. She went potty and didn't wash her hands. She's NASTY!". The woman turned red with embarrassment and did come back in to wash her hands. It is teh suck to be burned by a kindergartner in front of a room full of women.
Oh, that is a great story! I'm still laughing...because "nasty" is my favorite word! I especially love it when my 2-year-old lisps out "dat's naaaaaahsty!"
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