Sunday, April 23, 2006

Tools Of The Trade

Everyone needs a structured hobby to mold themselves into complete and well rounded individuals. Lately it seems that I'm lacking the ambition and hours necessary for many of my former interests so I've adopted a less taxing and time consuming hobby; hair removal.

Gaze in stunned amazement upon the tri-sectioned plate and all the astounding 'Hair Be Gone' accoutrements located therein. Yes, I do own three pairs of tweezers. One for every occasion and need. When I settle myself in for a nice long afternoon of tweezing, my mind wanders back to the days of childhood growing up in a one movie theater town in northern Indiana. All the community groups like 4-H, Lion's Club, F.O.P, and Jaycees, etc. held fundraisers featuring skeet shooting for rewards. My Grandpa was a police officer which curries celebrity and favor in a small burg like ours and I accompanied him to many of these events. When I capture a really big hair in my fancy tweezers I liken it to skeet shooting and mentally think, "PULL". Then I do with all my might, and I occasionally win the prize of which I seeketh. A long, curly black neck hair.

All my life people have told me that I'm "plucky". That term used to befuddle me, but not anymore. In fact, yes, I DO have a lot of pluck. I'm contemplating installing a PLUCKOMETER on my tweezers so that I may gauge exactly how much pluck I actually do have. My theme song to life is Paul McCartney's, 'A Little Luck', only I sing it, "With a little PLUCK, we can pull it out".

I used to wish upon a shooting star that one day I could afford a really good electrolysis session but now I fear that if all my fondest dreams come true, I may lose my PLUCK and PLUCKINESS forever. Maybe I should just revert back to my old shooting star wish of winning a lifetime supply of Pop Tarts.

9 comments:

Elizabeth-W said...

You reminded me of that movie with Val Kilmer, Top Secret--it starts with his singing Skeet Surfing.
So here's a question. If you had to pick between plucking, and peeling skin from a sunburn, which would you prefer? This will tell us even more about your character.....

Bill C said...

I think you'd appreciate receiving - and probably sending - one of these.

omar said...

1) Mmmmmm, pop tarts...

2) "Stunned amazement" is a perfect way to describe my feelings when I saw your tri-sectioned plate. Not because I'm not down with hair removal, but because you have a plate of hair removal products. Honestly, if it was a drawer, or even a bowl, I probably wouldn't have even thought twice about it.

3) I am so fascinated by the fact that plucking body hair brings back such vivid childhood memories. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that may be the best paragraph I've ever read on any blog.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Neither elizabeth. I prefer pouring glue on my fingers, waiting for it to dry, and then peeling it off. Oh, and I enjoy picking my nose more than picking at dead skin. What does this say about me?

Thanks radioactive! Tweezing nose hairs over the Internet was a new experience for us all and entertained my kids immensely. A new frontier: Cyber Plucking.

carrot, This kit is assembled and utilized by a plucking professional. Amateurs like you shouldn't attempt such maneuvers at home.

omar,
Thanks for the compliment and being part of the cultish Pop Tarts fan club. I used a lime green plate only for dramatic emphasis for my picture. I usually keep my plucking apparatus in a special bag under lock and key and constant security.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Straight out of a HORROR MOVIE MARATHON it's........The Blog From Outer Space That Ate Everybody's Comments.

AAAAHHHHHHHH, the sheer terror of it all.

I think I fixed theproblem. Sorry for any inconvenience.

Elizabeth-W said...

I haven't done the glue on the finger thing since 5th grade. Maybe I'll go get a dab of Elmer's right now!!!!

Mimo- JenK said...

I didn't do the elmers glue thing, but I made fake boogers with the rubber cement :)
My how splendid is your "tool kit"! Ohhh you should try those plastic plates that if you turn one upside down you can lock it on as a lid!
It almost makes me wish I had hair that needed plucking so I could have a kit too.
(I'm a nair kind of gal when it comes to the eyebrows.)

White Man Retarded said...

What are you really thinking about?

elasticwaistbandlady said...

What am I really thinking about?

There should be a law against white men wearing dreadlocks. Is Tom Cruise really the baby daddy? My deodorant is crapping out on me in the middle of the day. Useful everyday applications for the Pythagorean Theorem.