Tuesday, April 25, 2006

The Smiling Infidel Presents.....

An All Infidel Male Edition

My 8 year old son, Buster, went on an excursion to the local Arboretum with his Boy Scout Troop yesterday. The rest of us tagged along too. While walking on one of the many lush trails through the center we saw a huge green plant tagged with a sign that identified it as a 'Dancing Lady'. Buster pointed it out first, exclaiming, "Look Mom, that plants called a Dancing Lady"! To which I replied, "Of course it is son. That plant is easily identifiable by all the dollar bills around it".

The Arboretum volunteers refurbishing the gardens and planting Summer foliage are none other than the fine inmates from the Harris County Jail. Buster saw them and then read the lettering on the back of their orange jumpsuits before turning wide eyed to his Boy Scout companion and commenting, "That's the reason why we use the Buddy System".

For some unexplained reason Raven Symone was a featured entertainer at this year's Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo. Buster saw her on a rodeo ad and got all excited when telling us about it. Buster said, "It's that girl from that show. You know, "FATSO RAVEN". That cracked us all up.

My toddler son, Boo Boo, likes to curl up in my lap but only if I've just shaved my legs. Otherwise he tells me, "EWWW Mommy, you have spider legs".

Finally, my Mom has always liked Papi even when we were just friends mainly due to an incident that transpired in front of her where Papi and I had a discussion about names. I asked him what kind of name Papi is and he told me that it was in the Bible. Stunned, but Biblically ignorant, I believed him and asked, "Really??!!!?? Where in the Bible"? Papi laughed and told me, "I don't know about your Bible but mine has Papi printed right on the first page........where I wrote it".

10 comments:

Radioactive Jam said...

I think I speak for males everywhere when I say, "Dollar bills? Really?"

I'm kidding of course. But spider legs - no. Sorry. I respect a woman's right to not shave, but that doesn't mean I won't get the heebie-jeebies - whatever that is - just thinking about it.

Moi said...

Uh, are we supposed to shave our thighs, or is he sitting on your calves?

Mimo said...

LOL, you two!
Those were funny stories EWL. I especially giggled at the buddy system one.

Julie said...

Great stories...as usual. Thanks for the laughs.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Actually this entry wasn't anything thought out, just kind of a placeholder until bigger and better things materialize. My digital camera is on the fritz and we're still having ISP problems. However, we are working diligently today to bring you a better and improved Infidel tomorrow.

radioactive, Actually my statement about dollar bills surrounding the Dancing Lady plant was an attempt at humour because everybody knows that the Dancing Lady doesn't start shedding and dropping its bloomers until wintertime. That's when you see the money around it.

carrot, I'm not a spokesperson for Brazilian waxing. My son has really long legs and we wear shorts year round here so when he plops himself down on my lap his delicate skin inevitably runs up against my porcupine quilly legs.

Radioactive Jam said...

So... when he says you have spider legs do you correct him and say, "No sweetie, these are porcupine legs. Spiders would feel more creepy"?

omar said...

Seriously, six kids? I've got one and I feel like my hands are full.

wendela said...

Liked this edition, elastic, allowing us to know the menfolk infidels a bit better.
I'm looking forward to whatever's next! (Are you still at the library to post?)

Gia said...

I really need glasses. I read the first line and thought it said "My 8 year old son, Buster, went on an exorcism"

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Gia, When I finished chortling, I read your comment as such. "My 8 year old son, Buster, went on an exorcism...... and all I got was this lousy T-shirt".

I'm finally at home but they still haven't sent out a repair man to our house. The line is more tolerable now but still slower than usual.