Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Chronicles Of Appalling Parenting Chapter Four

KANDOO. The Official mascot of The Smiling Infidel.
I changed my avatar to feature the World's most beloved frog, KANDOO, because of the significant contribution he has made in my household. After great reluctance from our toddler son to potty train we started purchasing some of the hygiene products from this amazing line manufactured by Pampers. The flushable wipes are fantastic and has helped our son to master the art of arse wiping without all the yucky laundry that goes along with that sort of training. We convinced him to use the toilet by showing him the butt wiping frog and telling him that if a frog can use the commode, wipe his little froggy derriere, and wash his webbed fingers with foaming soap all by himself while bearing a large smile, than surely a smart 3 year old can do the same. Added bonus is the beguiling "Tropical Jungle Fruit" scent. My Papi likes to use them too and I can always tell what he's been up to when I whiff the unmistakable fruitiness as he saunters past me. Tropical Jungle Fruit scented butt is indeed a lovely fragrance to behold.

What, may you ask, does all this have to do with former 80's superstars Hall and Oates? Well, while driving around the other day their big hit, "I Can't Go For That", started playing on the radio. My kids and I listened intently and sang the lyrics that we knew when all of a sudden my toddler son, Boo Boo, noticed that Daryl Hall passionately belted out the words, "I can't go for that. No I, NO CAN DO". My Boo Boo got all excited and said, "Mom, do you hear that? He no have KANDOO"! We started laughing, but then I paused to think about what a thankless job that must be to wash out the skidmarked panties of a faded superstar who doesn't utilize the advantage of KANDOO. Maybe that's one of the jobs filled by an illegal worker just doing the job us Americans don't want to do. The upside of Hall And Oates and their "No KANDOO" status, is that crappy underwear is a sure deterrent for a "Man Eater". Maybe instead of adding your kiss to their list, they'll instead add a box of KANDOO to it. Somewhere, a Rich Girl and Sara is smiling.........

12 comments:

Moi said...

Download free Hall and Oats tunes at www.urcompletlyfunny123.com ;)
I must try those, um, "butt wipes" for my seven year old. Maybe it will enhance my laundry doing experience.

White Man Retarded said...

Hey! I never knew the words to Maneater. Used to think they were "Manita" or "Mandita"...Do you like the symphony?

Lianne said...

Man, we should get Hall and Oats some "Eighties-be-Gone" shampoo or something.

Excellent post! You are hilarious.

Pisces Iscariot said...

Don't try Hall & Oats Butt wipe - rough!

omar said...

Tropical jungle fruit scented butt. Interesting.

And I'd argue that Hall and Oats are not former superstars. Or did I mean that they're not former superstars? Not sure.

wendela said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
wendela said...

Any mention of Hall and Oates reminds me of "Yacht Rock", a parody on channel101 (some course language now and then, but pretty funny- Hall and Oates are in many episodes; lately in #8). At least it used to. Now I'll be thinking of personal hygiene wipes.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

I do like the Symphony Patrick. Symphony candy bars that is, with delicious little toffee bits in every bite. You must be thinking of Sinead O'Connors song, Mandinka, way back when I actually liked her music.

As evidenced by the elitist attitude of an interview with Daryl Hall last year on the morning radio talk show I listen to, he thinks that we're in the 80's, and that he's still a big star. Gaw, he was such an pompous azz. Memo to Daryl Hall:Your once top of the charts music is now relegated to grocery stores, elevators, and "lite rock classic" stations everywhere, so get over yourself.

The rest of you made me smile with your comments. I'm thinking of sending this nice little publicity piece on Kandoo into Pampers for some monetary advertising compensation.

Julie said...

You realy crack me up!
I think I should purchase some of those! :)
Now if they just had a remedy for farts! Got any ideas?

Radioactive Jam said...

So you're saying these guys are inherently connected with flushable wipes? 'Cause that would explain some things.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

I'm envisioning a personal hygiene infomercial featuring Hall and Oates. The duo will endorse such products as "Old Fart" flatulence remedy, and "Tightie-Whitie" wipies for "Private Eyes" only.

Toni said...

Oh! This is too hilarious! You crack me up!