Thursday, May 18, 2006

Phoning It In


Radioactive Jam's post the other day about inconsiderate cell phone owners reminded me of a little trick I played on my Papi a few years ago.

If we all had the opportunity to select a theme song to our lives, mine would be "Sour Girl", by The Stone Temple Pilots, and Papi is perfectly matched to Adam Ant's, "Goody Two Shoes". Yes, he don't drink, don't smoke, and never has. My kids and I like to play our music at deafening decibels. To which Papi vociferously objects and tells us, "This is a home, NOT a freakin Cantina. TURN IT DOWN". Papi's musical tastes runs the gamut from classical to big band to smooth jazz. Uh huh, all the same old man choices that my Grandpa picks out on his preset radio dials. When they had a Secret Santa gift exchange at his office a few years ago, Papi requested one of those "Sounds Of Nature" CD's. Do you personally know anybody that listens to those??!!?? The musical divide between us grows wider every year as Papi delights in telling me how uncultured I am because of my proclivity for techno and pop sounds. That made my revenge even sweeter.

Papi works in a nice office environment with predominately all women. Of course his cell phone was programmed to ring with some monotonous sonata that induces narcolepsy within the first few notes. I changed all that by downloading Snoop Dogg's classic, "Gin And Juice". The phone rang during a conference meeting thus allowing everyone in the room to hear the poetic stylings of Snoop. "Rolling down the street smoking indo, sipping on gin and juice. Laid back. With my mind on my money and my money on my mind". For a brief moment in time my conservative Papi was rollin wit da Dogg Pound! I struck again last year replacing the standard Nokia tone with the peppier "Get Right" by Jennifer Lopez. Between work and school he didn't have time to change it for several months, much to our delight. The kids and I danced with unbridled joy and laughed every time his phone started ringing. Papi shook his head, rolled his eyes, sighed, and complained a lot about it, but still didn't seem to have any sense of urgency to replace the tune for a long stretch of time. Me thinketh he doth protesteth too much and that he got a secret thrill from it too. Does that make him a phone-y?

10 comments:

Moi said...

ROFLMBOWSCOMN!!!! (Did I get that right Elizabeth?) You are one bad arse Elastic!

Pisces Iscariot said...

I'm not sure I approve of your tone, elastic. Ring the pope - Papi deserves a sainthood.

Elizabeth-W said...

Elastic-you are too much! Here's what I think. I think that Papi lives in a wild, crazy, very exciting house, and that anything that helps him breeeaatthheee in and out, sloooowwwwly, probably ain't a bad thing. I have to agree I have never known anyone to buy those cd's who hadn't been ordered to buy them by some freaky therapist. I'm not namin' names as to who those freaks might have been, tho'. In through the nooosseee to the count of four....out through the mouuthhh to four. Goood. Let the stress out...bring the calmness in.....

wendela said...

I bet he did get a thrill. Otherwise, he would have found time to change the ringtone. I wouldn't mind Stone Temple Pilots. Mine's the theme from The Rockford Files.

(Tell Papi I feel his pain. Confession: I, too, have the nature sounds cds. By choice. It's all about the "smoothitude". Or maybe it's also got to do with me, too, being one of those freaky people who tell others they should give the calming sounds a try. Breathe in deeply....good, now let it all go....)

You just think he's at work or school. I bet he has some stealth karaoke time scheduled in there.

Radioactive Jam said...

Here's some samples of a couple ringtones you might want to find and surprise him with at some point.
Hey! Answer...
Monkey!
(I have the second one assigned to a couple children that call me on occasion)

elasticwaistbandlady said...

carrot, right now I'm LMBAO. (Laughing my bad arse off).

Yes Pisces, My Papi is long suffering. I'm a good cook though, so that somewhat compensates for the craziness.

I've almost peed the bed on numerous occasions when Papi plays the "Sounds Of Nature" CD at night and it gets to the waterfall sounds. So as a therapist this should not be recommended for clients struggling with both stress and bed wetting problems. Come on, admit it wendela, the CD waterfall sounds inspire feelings of warmth, happiness, and urination.

The ring tones startled me radioactive. I guess I was expecting to hear, "Shock The Monkey", as that's more your style.

Elizabeth-W said...

That waterfall stuff makes me have to go, too. How can I relax if I keep feeling the need to eliminate?

Gia said...

the bad pun! oh the bad pun!!! I love it!

Suzie Petunia said...

I can't wait to try that on my hubby! Unfortunately he is so technilogically savvy... he'll have it changed back to his normal, boring "ring" (vibrate) in no time. Don't get me wrong, he's a fun guy full of personality, but his cell phone is not (full of personality).

This same sweet man downloaded some nature cd meditation music to help me sleep while back. It was all fine and good - rolling waves on a beach... lovely, lovely... and then suddenly an obnoxious seagull pipes in: "CAAAW! CAW!" SO loud! It makes me laugh every time (and not fall asleep).

elasticwaistbandlady said...

What??!!! According to "Finding Nemo", seagulls bellow out ,"mine, mine, mine". That made me laugh Suzy.