7 Words To Live By:
1. A cat can have kittens in the oven but that don't make em biscuits.-Quanell X, local Nation of Islam activist
2. Stop jumping around like a fart in a skillet.-My wise, old, El Camino driving deceased Great-Grandpa, Edmund Cook.
3. The nine most terrifying words in the English language are, I'm from the government and I'm here to help.-Ronald Reagan
4. Laugh and the World laughs with you, fart, and you stand alone.-A Brilliant Anonymous Philosopher
5. Borders, Language, Culture.-Michael Savage of The Paul Revere Society
6. He who live in glass house must not walk around butt naked.-Ancient Chinese Proverb
7. If it's brown, flush it down. If it's yellow, let it mellow.-An Unknown Water and Environmental Conservationist. (rumored to be an alliance between the singer-songwriter of 'Mellow Yellow' and the 'Mello Yello' soda company to drum up sales).
Here I sit all broken hearted, tried to poop but only farted.-Bathroom Stall At Pizza Hut
7 Family Nicknames:
1. Sunbum (my hippy daughter who spouts love, peace, and happiness)
2. Monkey (second oldest daughter with the loooong skinny arms and legs)
3. Buster and Charlie Brown (son with the big head who likes to wear yellow shirts)
4. Caterpillar (daughter with furry little eyebrows)
5. Boo (I'm not entirely sure why. Pottymouth Mom has informed me that this is slang for "FART" in Japanese. Nice.)
6. Stinkbug (self-explanatory)
7. Beast (that would be our chocolate Labrador. Of course, I call myself Beauty)
7 Surprising Things About Me:
1. I auditioned to be on the children's game show, Double Dare.
2. I can drive a forklift better than any other alpha female around.
3. I birthed kid number 4 in the bathtub completely alone. Papi delivered kid number 6 in our bathtub too while the midwives were still en route.
4. I actually did win many spelling competitions in my youth and I have a near photographic memory for words and names. In English, that is.
5. I once drove with a friend of mine onto the high school football practice field and did figure eights all over it.
6. I won the watermelon seed spitting contest at the Church Fourth of July party.
7. I lived with two gay men for awhile. It wasn't anything like 'Will and Grace' though. Not even a lower middle class version of it.
7 Things I Love About My Husband, Papi:
1. Strong work ethic and ambition.
2. Tolerates my dysfunctional family.
3. His gorgeous Roman nose, thick black hair, and copper colored eyes.
4. He's a nerd. I LOVE nerds!
5. Strict, demanding, but also loving to his children.
6. Considers us a team working together to meet life goals.
7. We are exactly the same heighth and shoe size which makes shopping for him much more convenient.
7 Of What I Consider The Worst Movies Of The Past Decade:
1. The Master Of Disguise (I flush my toilet in tribute to you and your career, Dana Carvey)
2. Legally Blonde 2 (I want to sue the film makers for my hour and a half of wasted life back)
3. A History Of Violence (far-fetched, unrealistic character reaction, thumbs down on Aragorn's unsightly naked butt. Blah.)
4. Fat Albert (Can you say, "Hey, hey, hey. Bombs away"?)
5. SharkBoy And LavaGirl (We watched it at the dollar cinema. That was .99 cents too much. That money would have been better invested in an antenna ball from Jack In The Box or a package of rubber hillbilly teeth from The Dollar Store.)
6. The Dukes Of Hazard (The first half was funny, I turned off the DVD in the middle of the second half. I'm no prude but they exceeded my maximum limit of pointless naked booby shots in a PG-13 film).
7. War Of The Worlds (Shockingly bad for such a big budget film. I hate it when we're not supposed to feel any sympathy for the bloody deaths of cursory characters and random people, only the stars. Also, how probable is it that cities are annihilated, but lo and behold Tom Cruise's family and ex's family are all safe. Most annoying is that his pregnant ex-wife looks like a freakin maternity fashion ad, and all her kin are scrubbed clean and dressed nice with nary a rubble pile on their street. In BOSTON. Right. Let's just suspend all belief and common sense, Spielberg)
Most classic children's books made into movie adaptations. Disney is like poison to these films. Sickest among them, Ella Enchanted, Tuck Everlasting, and Summer Of The Monkeys.
7 Things Most Often Heard In The Infidel Household:
1. Will somebody pleeeeaaaasssseee bring me some more toilet paper!
2. Your ass is grass, and I'm the lawnmower. (I stole that one from my police officer Grandpa)
3. Yeah, that could be possible, but then it could also be possible for me to sprout giant butt wings and fly away.
4. Pull up your pants. Cover your belly. Your underwear is sticking out. Those shorts have a hole in it. Dang! That must have shrunk in the wash. No, you may NOT wear that to Church.
5. Are you ever going to get off the computer?
6. You kids are driving me CRAZY!
7. Who colored on the wall this time? Who broke that? Who dropped this crap all over the floor? Why is your room such a freakin mess? Did you feed the dog? Did you finish your chores? Did you hit your brother/sister? Did you call your brother/sister that? No work, no eat.
7 Of My Favorite Things:
1. My kids and my husband.
2. The Internet
3. Tuna salad sandwiches, lemon cream pie, Nutter Butter cookies, cherry limeade, tapioca pudding, caramel sundaes, chocolate/peanut butter ice cream, zucchini, taco salad, raspberries, green olives, pepperoni and mushroom pizza, and shrimp (but only when someone peels them for me).
4. The Restoration Of The Gospel.
5. Canceled T.V. shows that get released on DVD. Especially Wonderfalls, Sledge Hammer, American Gothic, and In Living Color. (Looking for Friday the 13th:The Series)
6. The color green. Not Army green or "I'm barfing up pea soup" green but I like shades of lime, citron, forest, and emerald(my favorite gemstone).
7. Cooking, crafting, dispensing unwanted advice, gossiping with my Mom, and blogging.