Wednesday, July 12, 2006

I'm Hopelessly In Love

It wasn't supposed to be this way. Once, I took my marriage vows, I promised that I would never pledge my love to anyone else. However, the past year has found me completely enamored with somebody I met on the Internet. He keeps me amused, raises my intellect, and most of all looks super sexy in nothing but feathers and a slinky garter. He does everything I ask of him too. That feels particularly empowering after living in such a patriarchal society. Upon demand, he'll pray, dance the funky chicken, poop, throw down his sofa pillows and clean them back up again, read a book, squat, crawl, moonwalk, sniff his armpits, jump on the couch, do the Y.M.C.A. and the Hokey Pokey, blow kisses, and most importantly, pledge his undying love to me. Don't ask him to do a naughty strip tease though. I guess some bestiality boundaries shouldn't be crossed. I LOVE you, subservient chicken, and I don't care who knows about it either! Finally, a worthy chicken dancing partner for me. With him by my side, maybe I'll make the Chicken Dance Competition Finals this year. Oh, to dream.

While I hate to share the love of my life, stop by, and give him some commands. He lives to abide by the rules of rapt obedience. Papi could learn a thing or two about how to treat a woman from him. Just shut up, and do as I say!
Subservient Chicken.


Moi said...

*sigh* no one ever listens to me. I told him to "Charlie Brown" and he just stood there.

wendela said...

That's okay, carrot. I told him to go get a snack and he just jumped on the sofa. But he did do ballet, the robot, the hustle. Quite a bird, that chicken of elastic's. The garters sorta creep me out, though.

jams o donnell said...

Sadly there are other things it would not do.....but modesty and good taste forbids me from mentioning them!

Did I just say modesty and good taste??

elasticwaistbandlady said...

I don't know what a Charlie Brown is. You need TWO people to miss a football kick though.

wendela, ask him to eat a chicken sandwich. That one cracked me up. Also, try pray. He must be an evangelical chicken.

jams, Anything the least bit seemy, results in him giving you a scolding finger and disapproving head shake. I like my chickens virginal and pure........and crispy. I'm relieved though jams, I was expecting a pecker reference. You saw the size of it, didn't you? Big enough to stick a man's head into. :)

compulsive writer said...

Well, since we're confessing our cyberloves I must introduce you to my latest fling.

Not only is he a doting Renaissance man, he will even take your regular guy and educate him as to the proper caring of women.

wendela said...

elastic, "charlie brown" is that little dance the peanuts characters do. As for pray, I'd say that's a Catholic chicken. :) Yeah, the sandwich was good! And cartwheels, too!

Oh, yesss, I saw that fling of yours before, compulsive writer. It takes some time to view, but it's great. Where, oh, where is my brawny man?

Lianne said...

I love the cleverness of people... and I am amazed at the amount of "free" time people have to create these things.

I say we all need a subservient chicken.

mullet said...

jeez not talkin' to me now?

elasticwaistbandlady said...

I liked Brawny more when he had facial hair, compulsive. It made him more a hairy manly man......just like me. :-)

wendela, ask the chicken to clean his room. He uses his feathers as dusters and shakes his chicken butt around. It's amusing, and I'm pathetic.

lianne, I have one large subservient chicken down for you on my Christmas gift list. Sound good?

mullet! I thought that nobody loved me. I thought that all you Europeans stomp off and cut communication after a minor row. At least, that's what Pisces did. I've been so wrong;so foolish. I'll talk to you, but you have to talk to the chicken first! Go easy on him, mullet!

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Busted! Papi came in and asked me,
"Are you playing with that chicken again"?

I am so ashamed.

RC said...

i've seen this subserviant chicken before, but man, i'm far from in love.

--RC of

mullet said...

I wouldn't even know what to say to that chicken......if I came across that; without warning, I would think I was having a breakdown!

Mimo said...

EWL, maybe in the next life you can be allowed to have a husband AND a subservient chicken. I'll let you have dibs on him, if I can borrow him on weekends.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

mullet and R.C., Don't fight your feelings, embrace the awesomeness that is.....SUBSERVIENT CHICKEN.

I'd rather just have my wonderful Papi as my eternal partner, with a chicken on the a frying pan.