Is there something about having the name, Sharon, that makes people a little off? I'm starting to see a disturbing pattern emerge here.
As a child, I had the most nightmarish baby sitter ever, named Sharon. My stepdad, already married to my Mother, was pursued relentlessly at work by an obese woman named Sharon, who was also married. Her grand pick up line? "Hey baby, do you wanna see my Rose Of Sharon"? My poor stepdad finally gave in, thinking that she would show him a vase with actual Rose Of Sharons(pictured above) in it, or a picture, but NO, she instead pulled out one of her saggy, floppy breasts to show off the giant red rose tattoo inked upon it. Flabbergasted, and possibly temporarily blinded, my stepdad said, "Oh good Lord, put that away"! Sharon smiled boldly and asked what he thought of her "Rose Of Sharon", to which my stepdad took an oath of silence. He ended up transferring out of there a few weeks later, mainly to get away from psycho Sharon.
Today, my Mom calls me with some disturbing news; her favorite bra was grievously stolen from her locker at the YMCA, while she exercised. No, she didn't lock it up like she should have. My Mom had her wallet, a gift bag for a friend and her lovely checkered ladybug pants (I have the matching pair!), all nestled together in the confines of the locker. Nothing else turned up missing but the brassiere. The lady who has a locker next to my Mom is named, surprise, surprise, SHARON, and the two of them have been feuding for the past several months. Nobody else was around at the time but Sharon. Usually, Sharon takes an inordinate amount of time primping and preening in the mirrors before she leaves. Well, today she left in a big hurry, still clad in her dripping wet bathing suit. So, my Mom is highly suspicious that she is indeed the unscrupulous bra thief. Irritated, my Mom had to meet her lunch date at a nice steakhouse; braless.
I told my Mom that I'd make her some giant posters featuring a replicated picture of the purloined brassiere this weekend to tape up in the YMCA dressing room.
Missing Bra. White, stretchy, has extreme sentimental and uplifting value.
Answers to the name White Wonder.
Reward for any information leading to the recovery of the bra or apprehension of the wily bra thief who must be brought to justice.