Friday, August 11, 2006

Guess Who's Coming To Town!

I'll give you a clue, it ain't Santa Claus.


This exciting announcement lied in wait for me to open yesterday in my e-mail inbox, and the entrepreneurial side of me started to ponder the many clownarific possibilities.

Do you have a special coulrophobe in your life? Sure! Don't we all? Exciting news then boys and girls, The Insane Clown Posse concert tour is finally coming to an arena near you.

Buy a ticket for you and your coulrophobic friend. Make it an evening they'll never forget with a gift package of the newly released DVD, "Killer Clowns From Outer Space", 2 Insane Clown Posse backstage passes, and one of these sweet little clown phobia T-shirts, all tucked inside a dual use hyperventilation friendly paper bag that boasts a super smiley BOZO face upon it. If you call and order right now, we'll even throw in a set of these superb "Evil Clown Nesting Dolls", guaranteed to bring hours of enjoyment.

This WOO-WOO moment of the day brought to you by Lianne's Maternal Alchemy wisdom: I've heard tale that retaining a deeply seeded fear of clowns results from repressed memories of alien abduction. It seems that the aliens take on a clown appearance to calm frightened children abductees. This apparently dispels the myth of aliens having superior intellect. The guy who wrote "COMMUNION", Whitley Strieber, documented these things and says that it happened to him while residing in a Northwest suburb of Houston. Ummmm, I passionately HATE clowns and I've lived in a Northwestern suburb of Houston since childhood. Definitely WOO-WOO feelings here!

32 comments:

Senor Cheeseburger said...

Well I hope the stadium doesn't collapse on them and kill both of them in a long, painfull, fiery death.








Oops! I mean I hope it DOES happen. My bad.

jams o donnell said...

Hmm elasticwaistbandlady you forgot to add IT to the "scare em witless" package.. Nothing like good old Pennywise the Clown to send them screaming!

wendela said...

elastic, maybe you can tell RaJ about this and he may want to go. After all, he already has the nesting dolls.

I guess being a coulrophobe like me has some new, exciting benefits- I never knew I had alien abduction in my past. This is all too much. I think while RaJ is at the concert I'll have to borrow his new cd by The Veronicas.

(...and you were right. The avatar does look like a dancing platypus. He's actually frantic -like me- from a killer headache. Must be something those aliens did.)

Callous Communist said...

What's wrong with ICP? Is it because they are black, or put humor into the living word of hip-hop? ICP is brave in this colorless world just by using the language and content-material they do in their music. Music is the message. Free yourself, Elastic Waste Band wench.

tom said...

Clowns could be scary.

the flying monkeys said...

WOO-WOO! That may be the solution to our matzo man. I can just imagine him touring with the crew and scaring the boys and girls. Perhaps we should buy a blind ticket and send him it. So he can have a taste of his own medecine - an evening he never forgets.

the flying monkeys said...

*medicine i must have been thinking in french

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Hola senor cheeseburger! No, you can't kill any clowns because then they resurrect as evil undead zombie clowns. I saw this once in a movie, so it must be true.

jams, I read the book and I watched the movie starring Tim Curry. I do really try to suppress my masochistic side but it surfaces sometimes.

Yeah wendela, raj gave me the inspiration for including such a treasure in my special Coulrophobe Gift Pack. Now, I'll have to revise the list and throw in a copy of "IT", per jam's suggestion. Yeah, I get severe frontal lobe headaches. Damn alien embedded micro chips.

Ahhhh, callous communist. At last we meet. I hate clowns. I hate communists. It doesn't really surprise me in the least that you should be a clown loving communist. Evil goes hand in hand, after all.

Yes tom, clowns ARE scary. I dated quite a few back in the day. Nearly married one too. Aye Carumba!

obokun, lianne's phraseology of "WOO-WOO" has inspired me. I may just dedicate all next week to WOO-WOO stories in my life. Matzo Man is already pasty white and a bit clownish looking, so makeup would be kept to a bare minimum. Touring around the country and scarily hitting on married women, would mean that I'm safe to walk the ailses of Kroger's at midnight again. I wonder if he can drop a rhyme, sport some tats, learn izzle talk, or get jiggy with it, tho?

Callous Communist said...

You misunder5stand, Erratic Waste Land Lady, the clown costumes are a tool, to make you let your guard down, then they hit you with their truthful messages. ICP is weak but they are useful. What's with the platypus, Wendela, what about the sickle and hammer?

the flying monkeys said...

My English wife had a similar experience with a “matzo man” and can fully appreciate how you feel, convinced he had the necessary attributes to leave women, married or not, helpless to resist. Funny thing, the guy (saddo man) was not only lacking in the necessary physical attributes to woo his unsuspecting victims he had the personality of a slug (perhaps that’s an insult to slugs). Consequently polite rebukes or even aggressive ones have no effect. These people are truly a breed of their own, perhaps members of a secret society for sad and lonely non-entities who can do no better than try to force themselves on you...

mullet said...

Pennywise scares the hell out of my man...haha - instead of the old 'not tonight dear, I have a headache'...I think I'll just get clown outfit and raid the son of a mullets face paint & roberts your mothers brother!

Ex-Liberal Wendela said...

Callous communist- I agree that ICP has a message that is quite different than many think. But "black"? As in humor? Because you couldn't mean any other way- they're two white guys.

"Sickle and hammer" was used in the same sentence as Wendela. Clearly an error. I pray for communists, whether they like it or not, even if they tell me it's pointless and don't bother. Always have.

The platypus is Psyduck from Pokemon, by the way. The sickle and hammer will never be a part of anything to do with me. "Have a nice day."

White Man Retarded said...

Ex-intelligent Wendela, you shall know the truth one day and you will cry at your former ignorance.

callouscommunist said...

Patrick Henry are you mocking me? Ex-Lib Wendela, how appropriate Putrid Henry would take the same words I would say to you and make light. Typical whitey...

White Man Retarded said...

Callous Commie, if I knew who you were I'd kill your precious cat and stuff it in your mother's mailbox...

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Oh callous communist, put your Che beret on and go back to playing with your boxed set of Fidel, Chavez, and Lenin puppets. I have to say that I DO actually like the sickle and hammered flag though. Softest butt wipe I've ever had.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Patrick, let's leave animals out of this friendly discussion, okay. Canker Commie probably is one of those eco-terrorist, animal rights kooks.

wendela, step up the praying action. Especially for our misguided and scizophrenic friends.

Radioactive Jam said...

You mean "misguided and schizophrenic feiends," right? I for one hope so.

But ICP - they've been a huge disappointment to me, mainly because they seem more intent on being crude, rude, and offensive than anything clown-related. Seriously, when I first heard of them I thought, Cool! I expected-- well, something not quite so gross and tasteless.

jams o donnell said...

Hold on am I missing something fundamental here? Wasn't the point of the original post a light hearted one about scaring someone with a clown phobia witless?

wendela said...

Yeah, jams, it was. But things always tend to veer off into directions unknown! I'm still no clown afficianado. :)

frq/patrick- I think you did well, knowing what callous was gonna say. It's what I was expecting, anyhow. What's funny is the "you'll know the truth one day and will cry at your former ignorance" line was almost word-for-word personally said to be by a conservative politician and his friend when I was younger (and very liberal). It angered me at the time- the truth hurts! They were on-target.

callous- Lighten up. Prayin' for ya, man.

raj- I'm still trying to come to grips with the fact one of my most respected blog buddies likes clowns. So much. :)

elastic- 1Thess.5:17. For all the "feiends". :)

Ok, back to the clowns, now, elastic. Sorry for a blogjack...

elasticwaistbandlady said...

I go to Church, and this is what I come back to! I must never leave the house again. I'll just become a shutin, and one day they'll have to pull my massively corpulent 7oo pound dead body out of the house with a crane.

Hi radioactive feiend! As Bruce would say to Dory, "Feiends are friends, not food". I stole your evil clown nesting dolls for my special coulrophobe gift basket. Forgive me?

jams~ A collective of varied people with different backgrounds, thoughts, and ideas turns everything into a chanting cult of personality. It's linke the psychological ink blot test, you can never predict what will come to somebody's mind. Or, word association games, where the oddest things are somehow linked together. Makes life intriguing, yes?

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Next time you blogjack, wendela, you better pay the ransom. :)

That will cost you a years supply of Nutter Butter cookies, in small unmarked packages, so that they can't be traced.

the flying monkeys said...

Holy Christ on a bike, goodness, we step away for one day, and this is what happens? Wendela finds herself accused of blogjacking? Commenters go mad from the glare?

I know the surface of normalcy must be fractured every now and again. Perhaps I should pitch my tent here and put a positive spin on things, hoping something new will be born. May be not a good idea.

I need a hot drink.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Hey obokun, this makes me want to sing some Johnny Clegg and Savuka, "It's a cruel, crazy beautiful World".

Go ahead and pitch your tent and pitch a fit too while you're at it. I believe in squatters rights. :)

the flying monkeys said...

You can sing. Good. Then I'll claim squatters rights. Just dont forget to tell your friends that you dont live here anymore, cos I'll be claiming hereditary rights to reside as well. Ok, and I'll play the chords.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

No obokun, I didn't say I could sing, just that I want to sing. My oldest daughter sucked up all the vocal talent genes and didn't share with the rest of us. That's okay, I have still have the ability to roll my tongue and I use it as a sharpshooting device. I can hit the bullseye with watermelon seeds 8/10 times. Rolling your tongue is hereditary and not everyone can do it. I'm so special.

obokun, who's your talented brother that I keep hearing about? Is Tom and alanis your children? Are you from Nigeria or just have Nigerian ancestry? More, more, I must know MORE about you obokun. I'd like to say it's because I'm intrinsically interested in mankind of all walks of life but that would be too noble. I'm actually just nosy.

Radioactive Jam said...

You're more than welcome to use ECNDs however you see fit. And if you ever want the Real Thing, let me know. They're available for special engagements at ridiculously low rates. I'm thinking 'postage.'

Aside to Wendela - sorry for the misunderstanding re: RaJ likes clowns. I'm pathologically indifferent toward them, personally, but I find them irresistible for certain weblog-related... purposes. And yes the word 'nefarious' does seem to fit well in front of purposes. #-) xogljt

the flying monkeys said...

Elastic, that makes two of us...RA, RI, RE, RO, RU Rrruffles have rrridges! I keep warming up my tongue so it can get used to some of the good positions required for rolling.

the flying monkeys said...

Elastic,

you are right about my brother.

You may want to check out his blogs:Afrofunkycool, a blog in English or/and Omo Obokun, in Yoruba.

Or you may want to sample one of his albums .

the flying monkeys said...

And yes these are my beautiful children. I was born in Nigeria. How about you?

mullet said...

those are your kids, obokun close? I'm gonna give a big Awwwwwwww!

elasticwaistbandlady said...

YAY, raj, I'd love for you to bequeath to me the evil clown nesting dolls. I'll need to take out postal insurance though to ensure the possible mishaps and perils that could happen to the poor carriers who handle such a wicked parcel.

obokun, your kids are so cute. I have a three year old also. I've heard of your brother too, amazing talent!