Tuesday, August 08, 2006

I'M ALL SMILES!!!

Why am I all smiles? Well, mainly because I have a gigantic pimple on my right cheek. Yes, that's correct, an oozing blight overshadowing my otherwise ravishing beauty. It's a cruel..... cruel summer.

Luckily for me, the pimple of doom is strategically centered on my crater deep right cheek dimple. Yeah, I have a pimple on my dimple. I've always enjoyed my dimple because I only have one, and that's relatively unique. My oldest son, Buster, is the sole winner of the genetic dimple lottery, and he sports his, smack dab in the middle of his right cheek too. Buster also has a Luke Skywalker butt chin that makes all the 8 year old girls swoon.

Since gaining weight, this means that I'm a true dimpled darling. You get to see a dimple from the front and dimples from the back too, but only when I'm wearing shorts.

I discovered that by smiling really wide, the pimple disappears into the vast nothingness of my dimple, leaving me looking like my usual unblemished plus-sized supermodel self. After parading around all smiley at Church yesterday, my cheeks ache, the facial muscles are screaming for mercy, and I think I made more than a few people nervous with my newly adopted Cheshire cat look. Seeing as how I'm The Smiling Infidel and all, I would have thought that my usual malevolent grin had conditioned the facial tissue. Tis not so. I suppose, there's a price to pay for beauty. I hearken back to the prophetic words of Fernando, who said "Remember darling, it's not how you feel, it's how you look; and you look mahvelous, simply mahvelous". Oh Fernando, ABBA was right to sing a song in tribute of your greatness. Can you hear the drums?

As a side note, did you know that Dimples is a fairly common name in India? Undoubtedly, a side effect of the over consumption of curry. So eat moderately when you go to the Indian Buffet, because America has enough problems without kids named Dimples running around.

17 comments:

Moi said...

Oh my gosh, I have so done this. I have a dimple in each cheek, but one is deeper than the other. Luckily, I've only had zits in the deep dimple. Kinda sounds gross.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

So, what are you saying? Do you think you're somehow superior to me because you have TWO dimples, carrot? What happened to the Church's teachings of having a humble spirit?

We'll have a dimple contest to determine a superior dimple victor. I can hold a small pencil and various candies in my dimple for an extended amount of time. What can your dimples do besides camouflage acne, carrot?

Lianne said...

I've a pimple in my dimple,
but the dimple doesn't mind.

I've an oinkle in my doinkle,
but the oinkle doesn't know.

I've a pickle in my dickle,
but the dickle doesn't grow.

I've a pimple in my dimple,
and my life is very fine.

omar said...

There was something in the air, that night. The stars were bright.

What's this post about again? I got lost in ABBA.

the flying monkeys said...

i used to be someone's dimple many years back but have never seen a carrot with a dimple, let alone two dimples...

the other day I peeled a potatoe that had two large eyes (honest), and a long massive nose and a smiley mouth

the flying monkeys said...

and a big congratulations to you on your little love's birthday

I can feel your smiles elasticwaistbandlady

jams o donnell said...

To deal with a dimple pimple is very simple

Julie said...

Don't try to please it;
Just squeeze it.

Moi said...

HA! I collect rain water in my dimples, and give it to thirsty birds on hot summer days.

Mimo said...

*Mimo dances around singing*
Pimple in your dimple... pimple in your dimple...
It's quite catchy. I know you want to sing with me ;)

Moi said...

Mimo, you sound like Rumplestilskin, lol.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

WHEN DID MY TALE OF ACNE ANGUISH AND WOE TURN INTO A POETRY READING??!!!

This is all your doing, lianne, and I LOVE it, although I question what a dickle is, and why, pray tell, it doesn't grow.

Omar, for me, when the strains of, "Knowing You And Knowing Me", start up I can't help but start singing. How I love Sweden. They've given us meatballs, Volvo driving soccer mom :), Ikea, and ABBA.

I am smiling obokun. I'm just a little ray of sunshine lighting the World from sea to shining sea. Once my dimple pimple is gone though, I'll revert back to my snarky dour self. It's like Cinderella at the stroke of midnight, only mine is a pimple tale.

You win the Shel Silverstein award jams and julie!

Hello mimo, my old friend. It's good to see you back again and serenading my pimple too. You ARE a good blog buddy!

carrot, nice try. I'm single handedly saving my family from contracting The West Nile Virus that spreads through mosquito bites. You see, my dimple is not only beautiful, but also functional as I use it as a mosquito death trap. They fly in, but they can't fly out. One big smile, and they're crushed, thus eliminating the threat to my kin.

Moi said...

Okay, you post a picture, and I'll post a picture of your deepest dimple.(on your face please) Go ahead, you first. ;)

wendela said...

My dimple's also on the right side of my face. Between that and the National Geo chests, we must be related. But you got all the humor genes. No fair.

jams o donnell said...

How do you tell the sex of a chromosome? Pull down its genes and have a look..I'll get me coat!

White Man Retarded said...

Pimples are like leftists: at first you take them seriously, they begin to grow on you, then you realize how silly you are to be wary of them, you pop them, understand their contents are nothing but excrement, and they...disappear. Popping pimples brings satisfaction. The really nasty ones grow in between your butt-cheeks.

Tom said...

Elasticwaistbandlady, I saw your comments on obokun's blog shhh. I have never had a dimple, but you are so funny and witty, and I have not stopped laughing.