Tuesday, September 12, 2006

There Must Be Fifty Ways To Leave Your Blogger

Did anyone miss me? Anyone at all????!!!!?? I'm not going to break it down Paul Simon style and bore you with the actual list of fifty things that kept me away from all of you, my favorite bloggy friends, mostly because I can't make my list rhyme like the more talented Mr.Simon can. So, without further ado......

1. Our Internet connection has been all wonky since we have new construction going on all around our house.

2. Sunday marked my Papi's birthday! I bought him all new shirts for school in varying shades of green because he looks sexy in that color. Then again, we all know that green has a long standing reputation as the horny color. Right? That's why eating green M&M's makes you a dirty skank. In school, I pretended that I didn't eat the green M&M's to avoid the shaming of my peers, but then I put them in my pocket and ate them later ala Napoleon Dynamite and his Tater Tots. That's the real reason we had six kids in seven years. Too many green M&M's consumed in my adolescence. I also serenaded Papi with our special song, "Freak Like Me." What? Were you expecting something staid like "Because You Loved Me?", or "I Will Always Love You?" or the craptastic, "Love Will Keep Us Together?" No Way! Tender ballads suck! I changed the words to Freak Like Me just for Papi too. When Adina sings, "I need a ROUGHNECK brother that can satisfy me", I sing, "I need a REDNECK brother." Papi has long since ditched his preppy Mexican ways and now opts instead for country music, big belt buckles, and wearing cowboy boots. He's my Mexican Redneck! Happy Birthday Papi!

3. Homeschool Book Club is back in session. Customary to our "wait til the very last minute and then suffer major FREAK OUT!" bad habit, we spent a large portion of the past few days finishing this book. It's a sequel to the popular movie/book, "HOLES." We gave it a "MEH" rating. Not too bad, but not too good either. "HOLES" was definitely a better read.

4. Caterpillar resumed her dancing classes last month along with her siblings Buster and Monkey who have decided to try their hand at Tae Kwon Do. My oldest daughter, Sunbum, is playing football this season. Yes. Football. Flag football to be more specific. Sunbum is the only girl, but she's damn good! At her practices nobody gets by her without suffering at least one flag being ripped away. NOBODY! I think the boys are a bit intimidated by her if not downright scared. Awesome. Her first game is on Saturday, pictures to follow.

5. My class had the dreaded Sharing Time presentation in Junior Primary on Sunday. I loathe speaking in front of people, even little kids, but thanks to Papi this lesson was a rousing success. Well, at least more successful than the other Sharing Times I've had to do. He made this magical little oven as seen here, complete with a trick compartment in it. Papi lined everything with metallic silver so that it actually looked like the inside of an oven. So, when I put the pan of gloppy mess into it from our "recipe for faith" lesson, I then magically drew out a tray of perfectly shaped cookies(thanks Kroger's!) from the secret panel. David Copperfield has nothing on my Papi. Well, except for maybe the love of a hot German supermodel, adoring fans around the world, and millions of dollars, but whatever. I also made cute little chef hats out of cardboard and plastic grocery bags. Mine said Chef Infidel, of course! If any of you ever need, want, or desire a magical cardboard oven, I got your hook up right here.

6. There ain't nothin going on but the rent, baby! I still have to work everyday of my young life. I've only had 4 days off in over two years. *sigh* Where's Ed McMahon when I really need him?

7. The goofball dancing practice for the Homeschool Talent Show continues! I wanted to add flaming hula hoops to it to ensure victory, but the kids refused to jump through them. Wussy children!

8. I bathed our noble beast, Reagan, over the weekend.

9. Went swimming. Burned my boobs again.

10. Got into a fight with an unreasonable co-worker who thinks the whole world is persecuting him because of the color of his skin. Name calling and threats ensued. Wheeee!

11. Spent time pining over the loss of Internet communication with all of you, because my name is Elastic, and I'm a bloggeraholic!


Julie said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one playing truant from blog world. But at least you've had some fun adventures. All I can say is, um, uh...oh yeah! My husband got seven staples in his head over the weekend.

Julie said...

Oh--and I did NOT burn my bosoms. I don't have enough there to burn.

jams o donnell said...

A belated happy birthday to Papa. shorts and serenading is a killer cmninsation!

Is seen as a Green a colour for the more libidinous? I didn't realise that but then we didn't have M&Ms here until the 80s and I am not sure there were any green Smarties.. ah well

I can sympathise with the loss of connection.. I get the Delirium Bloggems if I dont get my fix.. as for the burnt boobs? Give me an S, a U an N a B an L an O a C and a K.. put them together and what do you get????

jams o donnell said...

wrr I meant Papi!

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Seven staples??!!!?? in his head? Did you guys get into a big fight with office supplies this weekend? My Mom gave me a hideous grandma bathing suit with a hibiscus print all over it. It smushes my breastage up front thus making it more prone to burn from exposure to sun rays.

jams, I live life dangerously every moment, no sunblock for me! Papi listened to my serenade complete with dance moves like those from the video I linked. This is a ten year tradition with us, so he's built up immunity to the effects of my horrific singing by now. As for green, well it does symbolize life so that may be where the "horny" reputation came from? I don't know but my Papi has the perfect coloring and copper eyes that green really complements, He's like the Frog Prince!

omar said...

That makes 100% of blogs I read that have mentioned someone having a birthday in the past week. Seems as though there were lots of HAPPY NEW YEAR celebrations going on.

My own brother's birthday was yesterday, though I haven't yet mentioned it on my blog. Also, he was brought by a stork, and there were no New Year celebrations going on. My parents don't do that sort of stuff.

What was this post about again?

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...


Glad to see you're back. I didn't burn my boobs either - I kept them well-covered as usual. (Notice I didn't say "as always.")

Happy Birthday Papi, you redneck maker of Sharing Time ovens.

:: hoarding more green M&Ms ::

mullet said...

i noticed you were away....absence makes the heart go wander. No sunblock - hardcore, a girl after my own heart! Jiggling about to freak like me with burnt boobs sounds painful.
Jams - we have little blue M&Ms at the chemist(or from a street dealer if you are well connected)for this type of thing!

Radioactive Jam said...

I see all this blogger away-ness as conspiracy theory fodder.

Leading, of course, to the mother of all conspiracy theories, the development of which is left as an exercise to the blogger.

White Man Retarded said...

Are you offended by the word 'whore'? I prefer blog-whore to blogaholic....(I'm referring to myself, not you)

Lianne said...

We totally missed you! And I have to say, any Homeschool Mom is a hero of mine. I franklyt think I might have killed mine had I homeschooled them longer than the year I attempted it.

Angela said...

So, I came to check out your blog because you leave the most hilarious comments on a couple of blogs I read regularly. Your own blog was not a disappointment.

I've heard that flashing sunburned boobs at unreasonable coworkers solves all sorts of problems.
Not that I would know...

Elizabeth-W said...

We are totally a product of our generation. I bet if you were to ask 14 year olds today if green M&Ms had a certain aphrodisiacal (is that a word?) effect I wonder if they would know it. I can remember my mom had a dress in the early 80s that was MandM green, and I felt she was just shouting out she wanted to get some action, and I was always thoroughly mortified to be seen with her at church in that dress...Ever heard the phrase 'nervous as a whore in church on Sunday'??
Happy B-Day Papi!

christo said...

I like eating green M&Ms. I never once felt skanky.

Or do I have to be a female to feel skanky?

Anonymous said...

Louis Sachar! I just re-found his wayside school books at a book fair I went to last week. they're ridiculous, but they remind me of 2nd grade. which at 18, was aaaages ago.

caterpillar looks lovely in her dancing clothes. colour me envious.

-Syar (because Blogger won't let me be "other" and Beta Blogger won't let me be "blogger")

elasticwaistbandlady said...

TMI Omar. Ruminating about possible conception times for your brother. Who knows what facilitates such madness? Maybe it was a celebratory evening after finding burritos buy one get one free at the grocery store. Not that I've ever done that for that reason. Whatever. Carry on, carry on.

millie, Eating green M&m's hath rendered me hormone crazed. Watch your back, and your green M&M stash.

Hey mullet, do you like the Sugababe/Gary Numan remade version of "Freak Like Me"? I personally hated it. We should start our own Burned Boob Secret Society mullets!

RAJ- You're still here and I'm still here, so all is right in the blogger universe!

patrick- Not a day goes by that I don't write or say the word, "whore". It's Biblical, isn't it? That makes it okay.

lianne- My dirty little secret is blogging when the kids are around me doing schoolwork. Otherwise, I either fall asleep or feel annoyed at having to fight them to finish their work and quit hitting one another.

Hello Angela. Welcome to the asylum!

elizabeth- We can rule the world with green M&M's! You can administer it as anger management treatment.

Oh christo, You'll always be a dirty skanky to me, even with or without green M&M's. :)

Syar, We were laughing that Caterpillar looked all poochy. We need to work on posture ASAP! Yeah, Louis Sachar has churned out some great books. Small Steps doesn't happen to be one of them though.

migrainemommy said...

I missed you! I kept coming back to play that video... I now have a new addiction. Thanks.

Happy Birthday to Papi- it's not my fault I'm late wishing him one.

Mimo said...

Uh... that's me up there... not sure how I posted like that. *scratches head*