And I'm revoking your naming license right now!
I've become a name obsessed freak the past year, and whenever I see birth announcement signs posted in people's front yards, I have to cruise slowly by to check out the baby's name. Then, I either gasp in horror, or clasp my hands with unfettered delight. I spotted a stork sign a neighborhood over from me proclaiming the joy of their new arrival. What I saw made me want to weep for the baby girl they brought forth into this world and then slapped a hyper-testosteroned masculine name on.
Sawyer on a boy, while not my favorite is marginally passable. Sawyer on a girl is an abomination. My heart sank when I saw the pink details painted on the stork and the little pink bow resting above the crapalicious name. This girl doesn't even have the luxury of a decent middle name to fall back on. And what exactly do you nickname a young lady named Sawyer? Do you call her Saw for short? Sometimes, if a first name is gender neutral you can tell the sex by looking at the second name. Sawyer Quincy is doomed to be mistaken for a boy from administrators, coaches, and everyone else for the rest of her life. Thrusting gender confusion on your innocent child. Good job Mom and Dad!
Obviously, the groundbreaking federal law from the 1970's faced a modern day overhaul, and eventually voters repealed it, calling it "antiquated." Yes, I'm referring to the little known statute that stipulates that you must never engage in watching the television show, "Quincy M.E." while simultaneously listening to RUSH's "Tom Sawyer" on the radio as you're attempting to conceive a baby. It is expressly forbidden since it causes great harm to the unborn fetus. We need to start signing petitions TODAY to stop this naming tragedy from happening all over again. Who's with me?