Saturday, December 02, 2006

The Stockings Were Hung On The

Crappy Broken Formica Countertop With Care, In Hopes That Ed McMahon Would Soon Be There....... Oh, alright, that's MY secret wish.
*Cute Infidel Kid Story Alert!* I repeat: *Cute Infidel Kid Story Alert!*
Had this been a NON-cute Infidel kid story, you would have already felt the urge to roll your eyes and sigh at the shameless Mommy blathering displayed. In the unlikely event of you being forced to actually read someone else's NON-cute Infidel kid story, barf bags will be provided. This has been a message of the National Cute Infidel Kid System. We now return you to your regular blog already in progress.

As soon as Thanksgiving dinner was digested, the fight over the last slice of pumpkin pie was over, and the toilets unclogged on Friday, the kids pounced on the Christmas decorations and busily went to work. They even deftly reconstructed the jillion pieces of our artificial tree with their nimble little fingers sans instructions. Sadly, I can take no credit for their supreme intelligence since I couldn't even install our new toilet seat correctly.

In a few short hours, my little brown elves transformed our home into a twinkling sparkling Grand Christmas Central. The best thing is how the decorations cover up most of the toddler graffiti splayed across the walls around here. Our littlest elf, Melody, impatiently stomped around the house all afternoon with her chubby arms folded across her chest demanding to know where her presents were. She feistily told me, "My stocking has hung there for three whole hours, and Santa Claus hasn't brought me nothing!" We all laughed while Melody marched over to her stocking, turned it upside down, and was amazed to see some forgotten chocolates and hair clippies from last year spill out onto the floor. She triumphantly yelled at us, "See? Santa loves Me, and not YOU. You no have nothing in your stockings. Ha-Ha!"

She's wrong. I looked into mine and found the traditional red cotton lint ball and dead silverfish that I get in my stocking every year.

13 comments:

mullet said...

Lol...your christmas stocking sounds like mine! Aach well, suppose it goes along with the territory...being parents!

She is cute! Who does she resemble...you or papi?

Julie said...

Very cute indeed. Last year one of my sons found a shriveled orange. I guess Santa loves him too.

No Cool Story said...

AWWWW! WHAT A CUTE STORY!!!!!!!
I LOLed then BMGWL, I CSL and FOFL.

But cereally, that was cute :)
Maybe Santa left those on purpose so she would have an early present, so the joke is on all of you non-chocolaty infidels.

Elizabeth-W said...

How do you keep her 'clueless' in a household with so many older, wiser siblings? Looking for some parenting advice here!! :)

elasticwaistbandlady said...

My Melody looks and behaves exactly like her Great Grandma Dee. Only two of my children are light skinned with green eyes, Melody, and my older son. You can mix all the dominant Mexican/ Mayan Indian genetics you want, but my feisty family characteristics still broke through!

julie- I bet his stocking smelled good though. I would have put a spin on it that Santa left him dried orange potpourri to keep his stocking smelling nice while in storage.

NCS- Santa is just senile around this house. I wish there was another explanation for the events that unfolded. Being senile means that she gets more presents because I keep buying additional stuff forgetting what has already been bought and stored in the closet. Maybe it'll be cheaper to just open an Elf Workshop in my backyard. You can't beat slave wages. Ask Wal-Mart.

elizabeth w- Nobody goes to public school, and the older kids just dont have the desire to ruin it for the two little ones. They would much rather torment the youngest kids in other ways.

on.the.run said...

TOOOOOO funny! This is out first stocking year, we have never had a fire place before and it never occured to me to hang them from the counter top. My sister and I were shopping for stockings in Target and were commenting on how huge some of them were, you'd need a whole produce section to fill some of them. A lady near by said you simply fill them with newspaper... I thought oranges were lame, imagine getting a stocking full of newspaper. (by the way news-print makes my skin crawl, I don't know how you can stand to touch it.)

jams o donnell said...

Lint balls and dead silverfish? Luxury! when I were a lad I got ground glass for christmas and I were grateful!!!!

Gloria Glo said...

Blogs have become so musical lately! Nice choice.

That's a cute story. We hung our stockings last night. The kids didn't do nothing' - but the 3 cats all batted at them quite entertainingly.

Chris said...

Too...
cute...
must...
kill...
rabbits...
...noooooo!

Mimo said...

I got mouse holes in my stocking this year :( Maybe my gift fell out the hole.

wendela said...

That's a nice homeschooling bonus- the older kids don't ruin it for the younger ones. :)
I'm still looking for our stockings. We moved 6 months ago and I still haven't unpacked everything.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

on the run- I learned to put stockings on the countertop from my White Trash Basics handbook. See, most trailer homes don't come equipped with chimneys. The print seeps into my skin, and when I sweat, I swear that I sweat black. My friend, Barbara at Exxon calls me her "Soul Sister" because my hands get almost as black as hers by the time I finish my route.

jams- Better than ground glass than ground ass is what I never say!

GLO!!!! You've changed your name!!!! You've complimented my "Just Be Yourself" theme song!!! You've brought images of this to my mind! You bring out the exclamation point side of my personality!! I'm so excited and I just can't hide it!!!!

christo- My Melody is cute but deadly. Chocolate must be on hand at all times to soothe the savage beast.

mimo- I bet those mice left you their own kind of "presents" though, didn't they? Next year stuff D-Con into them before putting them into storage.

wendela- You can always use tube socks..... The irony is that I like to stuff socks in in the stockings as gifts. This year is no exception, and I hope my nosy girls don't read this.

Tori :) said...

"Dead silverfish..." LOL! I haven't seen a silverfish since I moved from Texas. Too funny!