Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Guns Don't Kill People......But They Do Make Them Fat!

I'm a terrible mother. I left my precious children unsupervised on Christmas Day while I went to take a nap; forgetting all about the gun I left out unlocked and unsecured on the kitchen counter.

I awoke to piercing screams and went rushing into the kitchen to find this most disturbing sight.....








my kids had gone all Cookie Thug on me and baked up a batch of buttery Christmas tree-shaped Spritz delights completely on their own and were jumping around whooping it up with excitement as the first tray came out of the oven.

Now they think they iz some kind of bad ash bakers breakin it down all independent Infidel style without their momma around. My son said biker gangs are for wusses and he wants to join a hard-core Baker Gang instead. I'm thinking we could film a modern update to the classic film, 'Easy Rider' and call it Easy Baker. My son volunteered to do all his own Easy Bake Oven stunts too without even the safety of an oven mitt. His street name is Pillsbury, for obvious reasons.

When I trotted out my rolling pin and dough for traditional cookie-cutter treats, my newly cookie gun-licensed mini-Infidels were all like, "We see you rollin, we hatin." I bet cookie dough conflict was the true inspiration behind Chamillionaire's big hit song.

So now my kids can wipe their own behinds and make the cookies for our Christmas family get-together. My work as a mother is pretty much done here. Yeah, having kids shooting up the place might bother some people, but I don't really mind at all.

You won't usually find cutesy advice on decorating or fashion or mommying-to-the-multitudes tips here but I do have to share this Spritz cookie recipe with you. It made the best cookie gun cookies I've ever tasted. Ever. Butter Snow Flakes.

Click here for more exciting gun refreshment recipes to take to your next local NRA meeting: humor-blogs.com.

40 comments:

Nancy Face said...

AAAGGGHHH!!! I've been doing the clickety thingy for you just about every day, but I guess I was doing it backwards, and IT DIDN'T EVEN COUNT?! Humph! >:(

Nancy Face said...

Okay, now I'll go read your post and it'll cheer me up! ;)

Nancy Face said...

After I point out in my vain and foolish way that I was first, second, and third!

Nancy Face said...

They see ya rollin...

They hatin'...

HAHAHA! I gotta get me one of them there guns!

Nancy Face said...

And fourth...and fifth!

Jean Knee said...

NOOOO!!!! I sent my cookie gun to goodwill 2 years ago cause I had never used it at all, in the 13 years I had it. Now I wanna shoot some cookies.



Guess what else i has? Got me a sweeet little Holy toast maker.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Get a cookie gun Jean Knee and we'll duel John Wayne style.

Chef John Wayne that is, of the fabulous Las Vegas bistro fame.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

You can comment as much as you want Nancy Face but I still beat you at the comment game!

Get you a cookie gun Nancy and I'll challenge you to a duel just as soon as I wipe the floor with Jean Knee.

Nancy Face said...

Here's my sixth! HA!!!

Nancy Face said...

And seventh! Na na na na na na! I WIN! So there!

Nancy Face said...

OHHH NOOOO!!! I can't even count...you already had seven! :0

glittersmama said...

WHAT?? Kids wipe their own butts? When does that happen?

Bee said...

So yeah um... I hate to take this time to lecture you but there are some of us here in blogland that do not appreciate the way you brag about your baking/cooking ability since we don't have any abilities what-so-ever! And now you're gonna rub it in my face that your kids do it too???
I do not need to sit here and be insulted!

Bee said...

I really like the picture you posted of yourself in a bikini on humor blogs! You look fantabulous!

You can see at humor blogs, just click on the "humor blog" icon located on the Infidel's side bar. You won't regret it!!

Bee said...

CORRECTION:
"see it"
Although, you can also SEE at humor blogs sometimes even HEAR.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

I have to go to work so I guess you've won this round Nancy Face! But I'll be back....with a vengeance.....for part two....are you scared?

123checkoutthefamily said...

hilarious! I can't wait till Brayden can do more things for himself...well, and for us :). Right now the only thing he's really doing is teaching me patience.

carronin said...

Your kids are good-looking, smart and can cook! How do you do it Elastic you must write a parenting book and share your secrets. I hear there is a opening slot for one now that Mrs. Spears book got canned.

Diesel said...

I need to get me some a those gangsta cookies.

Happy New Year, Infidel!

Lauren said...

You are so cool for letting your kids shoot up! Me want cooooookie!

Sketchy said...

I thought it was over for the "see me rollin/they be hatin" joke. I thought it had been applied in every possible situation. But no, once again, my infidelic friend you have confunded me.

Confunded!

PS: Please send cookies

Carrot Jello said...

I freaking left a comment after Jean Knee about making bling bling outta tin foil. Where'd it go?

sue said...

Perfect!

Happy blogiversary... and of course, Happy New Year! I'll try to be a better 'blog reader' in '08!

No Cool Story said...

I can't compete with Nancy Face's very obvious attempts to monopolize your blog. Oh well.
Yumm, cookies.

"They see me rollin'/they hatin'" 4-ever!!

shay said...

Argh not the infamous cookie bandits?!

Actually I'm impressed there was any cookie dough left to bake. that's what happens here when the cookie baking starts, the dough eating commences:)

aubrey said...

ah yeah. that is what we use to make our little cookies. those are the best. unfortunately they go so darn fast because they're so small.

Mrs. Monkey said...

Looks like you all got the smack down going on in your hood. How long before the cookies were gone. I know I didn't get one. ;)

nikko said...

Yummy, yummy! Unfortunately, my cookie gun is cheapy plastic junk and keeps cracking, rendering it completely unable to make anymore cookies. Sigh.

P.S. I had to make my blog invite-only due to some unwanted traffic. Email me at threeblondboys@hotmail.com so I can send you an invite!

JustRandi said...

I'm trying to to vote for you on the humor blog thing, but I can't figure out where to click. I'm not usually this um technologically challenged! Aghhh.

jams o donnell said...

Watch out Ewbl. If they do become outlaw bakers they may pop a bap in someone's ass!

Geosomin said...

Oh sure... now I have to go home and shoot some cookies out of my twinkie maker filler thingummy (yes I have one. Don't laugh...it makes twinkies. Good ones) and make and eat them.
Damn.
I was going to be all healthy this year but that's out the window now.
Oh well...nothing for it I suppose!

Happy Holidays :)

Melissa said...

A cookie gun? Why haven't I heard of this? I live in Southern Cali... you'd think these things would be rampant in the streets...

Millie said...

Those cookies look surprisingly lifelike.

Millie said...

I need a gun that shoots chocolate chip cookie dough...

Elizabeth-W said...

I love those cookies.
Your kids are too funny :D

b. said...

Look how cute they are all gangsta-like!!

Bee said...

I couldn't remember if I clicked from so here I am clicking. You know my motto. No, not the one about beating people, the one that goes like this:

"It's better to click and click than to never have clicked at all."

Bee said...

here being home.

on.the.run said...

This is an exciting and important step towards adulthood... any mother could stand by and cry with pride.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

On the run- While I sit here recuperating from working all night in the frigid weather my kids are playing with our new kitchen toy, an Omelet Maker.

I rationalize that following recipes and executing them correctly pertains to matters of logic, instruction following, reading, and mathematics, and home economics all rolled up into one and it qualifies as a tasty hands-on homeschooling curriculum.