Friday, January 04, 2008

Why You Should Never, Ever Order A Pizza With "Everything" On It

I admire small business owners immensely and I understand that it takes a great deal of strategic marketing to set yourself apart from the pack. I would venture to say that pizza places are as plentiful as the stubbly hairs on my chin and that an owner's biggest obstacle lay in establishing a niche and appealing to a wider variety of consumers than the next pizzeria down the street.

That being said, I think Paul's Pizza Shop may be going about the "setting ourselves apart" ideal in entirely the wrong way.

I can only speculate that they're trying to rival the popular Meat Lover's and Cheese Lover's pizzas sold at the Pizza Hut franchise restaurants by marketing their own brand of Poop Lover's Pizza. Obviously they're pretty proud of their abominable new pizza creation the way their sign trumpets that it'll bring "Poop Love And Joy To All." I wonder if the Poop Lover's Pizza qualifies for inclusion on their Vegetarian menu? Will they host exclusive Poop Pizza tasting events for the most discriminate pizza gourmet snobs? Are they setting a new trend and in the future we can expect to see U.S.D.A Grade A Poop listed as toppings at other pizzerias? Has it happened already? I say, "Beware the crumbled 'sausage'!"

I'm no business analyst but I'm fairly certain that the poop fetishist market is pretty minuscule and ultimately not a very palatable group to direct attention towards in hopes of future business growth.

If You Should Ever Happen To Dine At An Establishment Owned By Humor-Blogs.Com, Ask For A Complete List Of Ingredients First.

30 comments:

Melissa said...

First? Really?? Poop pizza eh... I think I'll pass on that one...

Jean Knee said...

ha!

Tori :) said...

Taj would love it! Everything is "poop" to him these days.

Millie said...

But I don't want any poop.

Maybe they were doing the Spongebob thing - "People Order Our Pizzas."

Elizabeth-W said...

That is just weird!

Mrs. Monkey said...

Guess it's KFC tonight. I can't do Friday night pizza after that!

Ewww

Bee said...

I was gonna say something about serving the pizza topping in cups but... ::blech!::

Have you seen?? I'm like 77!!
:o{

That's okay cuz I have a plan to get my troops to clicking!!

Jean Knee said...

Ha! I think there would be a bigger market if you film scantily clad actors eating the poop pizza, then selling the films.

aubrey said...

ew. so that is what my husband is doing when he says he's "playing ball" with the guys. he's all the way the heck in houston running his own poop joint.

Annie said...

Poop pizza?! Lickety split!

No Cool Story said...

oh no
:P

And then they have the audacity to wish you love and joy.

Carrot Jello said...

Remember when we sat on the bed together in the hotel, and you held my hands in yours, and you sang me "That's What Friends Are For"?
Yeah?
Me either.
But I thought about it as I looked at my comments on my blog for my 2nd bloggiversary.
Even called you and hinted.
But still...nothing.
You were my first.
"In good times...In bad times...I'll be on your side forever more...That's what friends are for..."
Are your heartstrings being tugged?

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Papi is fixing our shower and has stripped all the tiles off the walls.

I always thought that the sight of Papi stripping in the shower would be so exciting and HAWT! But sadly, no, it only means that he shut the water off yesterday and we are all living with unflashable toilets, unwashable hands, unbrushed teeth and dirty dishes. The worst is the poop ban that has to be upheld until he can safely turn the water on again without flooding the house.

This has been the most agonizing 24 hours. :)

Nancy Face said...

What the feces?

Nancy Face said...

This post is hilarious, but your house situation is just crappy.

Nancy Face said...

Do you have to poop at the neighbor's house?

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Nancy, I just sneaked over and washed my hands in the neighbors hose. Yes, I did, while my moralistic oldest daughter stood at the door and told me I was stealing.

Yeah, well, thats their penalty for doing ugly things to their yard and making us look at it all these years.

The other neighbors are pretending they're not home. I think they know the situation and don't want 8 people barging in on their throne territory.

Demosthenes said...

I've been trying to figure out what that possibly could have said before a letter or two fell off.

I can't.

It's gotta be just "poop."

Carrot Jello said...

Woah. You have flashing toilets?

shay said...

Eww on the poop pizza and yikes on the no-poop zone at your house:(

I've been there! Hopefully he doesn't run into anything that takes days and days to fix!

Never a dull moment I'm sure.

Palm Springs Savant said...

well I guess there is something for everyone!

hee hee- looks like someone had fun with their sign. I love a good joke.

BarnGoddess said...

hey! are they in partners with the Sonic Drive Inn in Bartlesville OK?

The Sonic in b-ville was serving their coneys with a 'special' ingredient in their chili until they were busted and prosecuted for it-yikes!

Bee said...

I wish you lived right next door to me. I have 3 bathrooms that would have been at your "disposal"!

Millie said...

Oh, the poor poopy Infidels... may you have indoor plumbing again soon.

I totally have a pooping outside story! Today's your lucky day! My grandfather had typhoid fever and spent his days recovering and watching the neighbor kid out the window, who always waited till the very last possible second to sprint to the outhouse. By then he'd be shaking and dancing so bad, he could barely grab the door handle... it took several tries with lots of shaking and dancing in between. I guess laughter really was the best medicine in Gran's case.

I kind of wish you lived next door with a Porta-potty in your backyard.

OK, yes on next door, no on Porta-potty.

Lauren said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lauren said...

Poop is the best word. NO one would be able to tell you were dislexic if you wrote out poop

BrentD said...

I thought Poop, Love, and Joy were a folk group.

Maybe they meant Poop Lovin' Joy, a new specially scented dish soap.

Or maybe they were going metaphysical with the Three Commonalities of the Human Experience.

Jean Knee said...

MMMhMM I guess the facilities at Dollar General aren't looking so shabby now, huh??


Who gets to take the first crap when the water gets turned back on?

on.the.run said...

AT least they are honest... have you read Fast Food Nation - scary... very scary.

jams o donnell said...

Poop Pizza? A rare occasion of speechlessness! Seriously I hope you are back with running water again