Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Sock It To Me!

"It's the eye of the tiger. It's the thrill of the fight. Rising up to the challenge of the rival." Looking around at my vast and varied sock collection, the only one missing seems to be an eye of the tiger sock. Does anyone out there have the sock hookup for me? No Cool Story is looking for a few ugly socks, and I own the motherlode!
Animal Socks On Parade!

From left to right:
1&2- Because owning just one pair of skiing pink flamingo socks wasn't enough.
3.If you don't wear patriotic dog socks then the terrorists have won.
4.Part of the Dr.Seuss Footwear Collection. One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish.
5.These are scary zombie cow socks. Check out the X-shaped eyes. Dead Milkmen approved.
6.Convict Kitty. She used the purple striped prison outfit when her cat obedience school performed a production of "Jailhouse Rock."
7.The Cat In The Hat is back.....and this time it's personal! (against sockeye fish)
8.Save The Whales.......SOCKS! Maybe these should be part of a dying breed.
9.Prince once sang in his less well received follow up to "When Doves Cry," "This is what it looks like when PIGS FLY!"
10.Only wear these with plaid shorts and terry cloth visors on the back 9. The country club will have you forcibly removed if you wear these dork bird socks on the front 9.
11.My Mom's nickname for me is FIFI. She gave me these lovely FIFI poodle socks as a gift at the tender age of 16. Living proof that fugly socks never die.
12.Do you hear Gwen Stefani?? She's saying, "Those socks are bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S."

I don't gamble, but I bet you a dollar that you love my Jackpot and Royal Flush socks. Don't you? I'm all about Casino Royale player style. However, my yellow feathered showgirl outfit has gotten a bit snug, and my fat oozes out of the fishnet stocking holes. The glamorous sock sets will just have to suffice.

1. My "electric wire" socks. The coarse wayward threads all over it nicely disguises the coarse wayward hair all over my legs. I don't shave much in the winter.
2. These are genuine BOOHBAH socks made from 100 percent genuine BOOHBAH.
3. The requisite Disco Queen socks that I wear to Church. Yes, I'm serious.

This comprises a mere fraction of my festive socks. I'm feeling holiday cheer from the breast of my hideous holiday themed sweaters all the way down to my colorfully festooned toes. Yes. I have matching hats hidden away somewhere too.

Well, this concludes our Infidel Sock Tour. I hope you enjoyed your visit with us today as we wandered through the Hall Of Footwear Fugliness. Please feel free to leave a tip in the donation jar, and a comment in the box below. Thank you.


Elizabeth-W said...

That was incredible, in the most literal sense!! :)

Carrotjello said...

I am amazed. I think I own 1 pair of colored socks.

Demosthenes said...

I'm... stunned. Truly, this is outstanding. I almost feel ashamed to be barefoot right now.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

elizabeth- I'm a SOX GOD!!!!

carrot- You're suffering from colored sock deficiency! Let's get some color back in your life. I'll send you some of my castoffs that didn't make the final photo shoot cut. I actually own a pair with dancing carrots on it!

dem- Bow before the awesomeness of my socks, you barefooted heathen!

No Cool Story said...

I'm speechless.
I bow to your sockiness collection.

Now my socks seem extremely lame (because the are).
Disco Queen rocks!, love convict kitty and scary zombie cows.

You are a fun sock connoisseur.

Sockless Syar said...

I think I have to change my display picture now. I don't deserve the honour of even taking pictures of socks.

You're like...the grandmaster of socks. Wah, kowtow, kowtow! *bows to you reverently*

carronin said...

I'm amazed that you keep those poodle socks since you were 16. I don't think I have anything from my younger days except some pictures of me and my old boyfriends.My husband wanted me to keep them to remind me what dweebs I dated before he came along.

jams o donnell said...

Now that is a remarkable collection of socks.. I think there is an installation there that would gladly grace the modern art museum of your choice.. Also several coffee table art books worth of material there!

Hey if you are a sox goddess it it not high time you wrote the Karma Soxra?

wendela said...

I think you could make some money traveling with that collection.
I am waaay behind in sock fashion. That's because I still have a sock darner. That's another story.

nikko said...

All I can saw is WOW. You have me beat by a long shot.

Carrotjello said...

"I'll send you some of my castoffs that didn't make the final photo shoot cut. I actually own a pair with dancing carrots on it!" thanks. I, uh, have enough socks. said...

I really like your socks can we be friends?

I like socks but I don't like to wear socks, I don't like shoes that require socks, although I will wear them when I need to.

Sometimes I go to bed wearing a pair of big fluffy sox (I too have a couple of pairs made from BOOBAH.) Then I will wake in the night and feel all angry because my feet are claustrophobic and I will angrily peal my sox from my feet and throw them with all my might across the room (sometimes they don't go very far which does nothing to subside my anger.

Lyle said...

may your feet always be happy from your heel to your toes.

Theoretical Grammatarian said...

That there is one serious sock collection. I have only a few pairs of entertaining socks and, just for you, I may have to take some pictures and post them. I even have black BOOBAH socks (ooh, goth and yet oddly perky)! I can't really compete, but I can at least show them to the world in a homage to your so festive footwear.

utmommy said...

A girl after my own heart! I love socks!

Sketchy said...

I think we need to stage an intervention...

Mimo said...

I vote for you to win!
However, I am going to have to report you to the bishop for the Royal Flush socks. He might have to release you from your calling.

Suzanne said...

I agree with Mimo and the others. I think you one the contest hands down. Or would it be feet down??? ;)

Suzanne said...

I meant won the contest! Yes, I did go to high school!

No Cool Story said...

I agree with all the agreers: you are the Supreme Sox god.
Your sockiness collection way superpasses any other, any time, any where.
Thank you EWBL, for sharing the bounty of colorfulness and awesomeness with the rest of us.

NCS (not worthy)

emma jo said...

Holy sock collection Batman! Who knew you were harboring such charismatic socks under your unassuming outer-wear!

omar said...

I like what Syar said. You're the "grandmaster of socks."

At first, I was like, "oh, well, she's got 15 kids, so of course her entire family would be more likely to have lots of colored socks."

But those are all yours. Grandmaster indeed.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Okay, here's the deal, yo. I've had some of these socks since my teenage years. They last forever because we wear flip flops most of the year. Yeah, we're Mormon but we usually don't wear socks with our sandals per cultural tradition. I have dirty bottoms though. I mean dirty sock bottoms. Some of my very favorites have been defiled by my many children as their sock collecting mania has grown. Oldest son, Buster, destroyed my Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle socks because he wore them constantly. Monkey ruined both pairs of my Scooby Doo socks by sliding around the kitchen floor in them. I guess its time to start building some glass cases to house them in like having my very own Sock Museum.

emma- You never know what lurks beneath a seemingly domestic exterior. Hasn't my blog proved that fact conclusively?

syar and omar- Will you make me a special hat declaring me "Grandmaster Of Socks?"

jams- LOL@Karma Soxra. I did write the book on "The Joy Of Sox," though!

on the run- YES! I do the same thing. My feet start out being too cold for me to sleep and then in the middle of the night they feel too hot. Aren't we a little too young for hot flashes!!??? You should have taken some sock pictures to add to No Cool Story's super special sock symposium.

NCS- There's nothing like wearing knee high Disco Queen socks to Church! Mostly my long skirts cover it up, but not when I sit down.

Thank you, thank you to everyone else who complimented and gave accolades to my socks!!!!

A Payne said...

Yeah, what they said.

I am ready for a change. Hot Fruita Moms (Shop at Kolhs)?

Of all the things I write about on my blog and that is the one that stuck?

elasticwaistbandlady said...

A Payne, are you trying to incite mutiny around here? If I take special request orders from you, who'll I have to cater to next? How about Hot Fruita Moms(terrorize Infidels)?
Or Hot Fruita Moms(love Joey Lawrence 4EVER!)?

A Payne said...

What can I say? I am used to special treatment. That's what being hot is all about. Thanks for the update. I heart Joey!