Friday, January 12, 2007

Don't Tell The Bishop!

Okay, the past few days I've been sick. What? You may be asking yourself. That Smiling Infidel chick is always the head, that is. No, this sickness has spread from being insane in my membrane to an actual cold. Gagging and magging relentlessly? Check. Coughing up lovely shades of green mucous? Check. Rubbing my nose raw with Kleenex? Check. Aches and pain and whining? Check. Starve a cold, feed a fever? Like heck, I will! Having a cold did not dampen my appetite in the least, and I made some comfort food last night.

This is 100 percent genuine beer bread using 100 percent genuine beer. You know how everyone keeps saying that they have no use for Bush anymore? Well, I happen to have many uses for Busch beer! I added some cheddar cheese, garlic, and chives to the recipe, and it was so very, very good.

My family is steeped in Germanic heritage and ancestry. We practically have sauerkraut juice and beer flowing through our veins. I took the excess cup of beer from my beer bread recipe and soaked the sauerkraut and sausage ingredients in it as they simmered over the stove. Pure Xanadu!

Just when the world seemed too dark and bleak to possibly go on yesterday, these videos finally arrived. I bought them on ebay for super cheap. Sledge Hammer! was one of my absolute favorite childhood shows, and I couldn't wait to share the craziness with my herd of kids. They weren't disappointed. We watched three episodes last night, and laughed ourselves sick. In my case I laughed myself sicker.

A gratuitous shot of my boogery Kleenex pile. Evidence of my sickness and a valid excuse to neglecting blogger duties this week. I guess that I could take a picture of an authorized doctors note and post it here. Likely, I'd probably clean my nose with it first. Fear me, and my mucosa, paper products!


Theoretical Grammatarian said...

I'm not sure if I'm buying this "sick" business. I mean, those tissues could have come from anyone! Unless I see a shot of your feet in brightly colored Sneezing Monkey socks, I am going to be sceptical. ;)
Seriously though, feel better soon!

Elizabeth-W said...

Unless I see a shot of your nose all red an' chappy I won't believe you. I mean, honestly, baking bread and making good food for the family while sick means you're not thaaat sick. Don't they have take and bake piza down there? Hope you feel better soon. Unless I'm barfing, I'm hungry when sick, too. said...

I love beer bread; I am going to have to try that recipe. With Simon being a drinker we are never in short supply and I add it to all kinds of foods.

You are a better woman than I cooking all that food even though you feel sick. Along with my horrible rash I had "flu symptoms" and until today, have done nothing for about a week. Several people at church offered to bring meals but Simon adamantly refused. I think he secretly likes having things like soup and frozen pizza for dinner... plus he is scared of "Mormon food."

Demosthenes said...

Bauernfrühstück indeed!

Lyle said...

well, well, well. What was that number again for your Bishop? I must admit, I was at a "scout" reunion camping trip in which a member of our company had marinated some thick juicy steaks in some Budwiser. They was da best tastin beef ever.

Another former neighbor of ours in Utah used beer as garden slug control [no lie].

Radioactive Jam said...

Thank you for sharing that fine pile of Kleenex. My day is now complete.

compulsive writer said...

Two words.

Puffs Plus!

(feel better)

elasticwaistbandlady said...

THEO-I'm feeling the blogger love! Thanks. By the way, I could send the tissues out to you to be DNA tested by a CSI style laboratory to prove authenticity of real live Infidel boogers.

elizabeth-I made Papi schlep the kids to all their various activities. Staying home and cooking was preferable to any of that. Especially since I could be braless.

on the run- I just may have to pop over and surprise ya'all with a big dish filled to the brim with the goodness of Tater Tot Casserole. Of course, it's de rigeur to add a dessert of Jell-O with unidentified objects frozen in gelatinous time too.

demostenes- I have no earthly idea what that means, but I'm swooning over the awesomeness of your guturally enhanced keyboard. I love the group Royksopp, but can never tell the world of my love since I can't properly spell it. I feel really disenfranchised with my non-accent mark making computer. :(

lyle- My mom always used beer in her garden. I secretly felt guilty to get a kick out of watching slugs shrivel up in their tiny little beer puddles. Although, I secretly felt guilty to get a kick out of watching friends shrivel up in their tiny little beer puddles too. I'm all about diversity. We shop at the Krogers across the street from the Houston Temple. Do you know what a covert mission it was to buy beer? Half the cashiers and checkers are members, so I had to bury the beer under our Mormonly casserole ingredients. What a thrilling life I lead.

RAJ- I'm giving you permission to save the picture for your very own. Blow it up and post it on your wall as a warning to any Kleenex that may get out of line. Use it as a desktop image. Carry it around in your wallet next to pics of your family. Oh, the possibilities.

compulsive- I'm puffy enough as it is without any additional puffs, thank you! I also know all the words to Puff the Magic Dragon, and some of the words to Puff Daddy's major hits. I like cream puffs. I huff and puff when I have to get up to get another cough drop. If that isn't Puffs PLUS, I don't know what is.

Anonymous said...

I marinated ribeye in Shiner for 24 hours and then grilled shishkabobs (sp?) with them and they tasted wonderful; I had a bunch of Church people over also with them. If anyone gives you feces over yer brot, then ask them if they use vanilla extract.

jams o donnell said...

Beer bread? Beer was caled liquid bread but with good reason. The recipe looks great!

Don't think Ive ever seen Sledgehammer. I'm sure it would ahve been shown here, I just don't remember it. Then again we never got Gilligans Island either.... (not sure if that is a bad thing!)

I hope the cold is clearing up. I certainly hope you don't go through what I had in Nov and Dec!

Mimo said...

Well, I'm glad to see your 20 posts is removed... I was a little worried that you passed out on your keyboard or something.
What a wierd comment you got! OY!

I'll only tell the bishop about your socks if you share that bread with me!

jedimacfan said...

Your beer bread looks (and sounds) delicious. If I bring you some more Kleenex, can I have a slice?

elasticwaistbandlady said...

anonymous- I know who you are! I laughed at the phrasing of someone giving me feces over my brot. Yeah, I made BEER bread and sauerkraut with BEER. Difference is, I don't have any plans to share.

jams- I'm not breaking any ribs, but I nearly coughed up a lung this morning, and busted a gut yesterday. Sledge Hammer is a classic cop parody show. I've noticed a plethora of digs at Republicans too that I probably missed the first go round in the 80's. The music is done by none other than Danny Elfman! I thought the comic bits would have been outdated or over my kids head, but NO. They loved it. Good thing too since we have approximately 1,0000 hours of show to watch. Jokes about Reagan's Star Wars program, a takeoff of the movie, "Witness", a vocational College of Elvis Impersonators complete with an Elvis lookalike serial killer......oh, the stuff that hearty laughs are made of, friend.

mimo- Is this blackmail? Isn't that a sin also? Woo HOO!!! We're a couple of sinners. Now, I'm going to tell your Bishop what you've been up to, missy!

jedi- A slice for my homeslice! Between your Old Fish And Lemonade and my beer bread and kraut, we'll have a veritable feast. Nice to see you around again, Jedi.

Julie said...

I always thought it was starve a fever feed a cold. Or was it carve a Stever, bleed a fold? Or perhaps fart a believer, sneeze some mold... Hey this is fun.

No Cool Story said...

You know what I always say? I always say: "Say No to clowns and sauerkraut".
Sorry EWBL, we are so alike, but for the sauerkraut . We'll always have Poe.

Sorry, you have being so sick, again and again. You are a tough woman to be sicko yet deliver those papers every day, no wonder you get so much $$$$ for Christmas. But stop getting sick ok?,

Bread looks good, recipe looks easy. I even have some beer (sssh, don't tell my Bishop) in the pantry.

Megan said...

"We practically have sauerkraut juice and beer flowing through our veins."


Rhonda said...

Well, this solves the mystery of who buys Kraut juice. There's a can of it on my blog if you need it for your next dish.

carronin said...

It's wonderful the way you embrace your German heritage. I curse my German heritage everytime I have to pluck a big black hair out of my chin.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

julie- You're my kind of poet!

NCS- Okay. I guess I won't be bringing my sauerkraut casserole to the Blogger Potluck after all. I'm bitterly disappointed but I live to accommodate your taste buds! Hey, have you ever listened to this chick named Feist? Her musical style is very Poe-esque. Also, is it just me, or is Sean Paul dueting on every single pop track out there right now? I swear UPOP must play a Sean Paul collaboration 4 times an hour. It always sounds the same too. Don't Jamaican dancehall guys know anything outside of "Yo Yo?"

megan- AWWWW, thanks. I haven't actually cut myself open, but I wager that there's a bit of bratwurst grease flowing through them there veins too.

rhonda- Add it to a recipe? Nah, I'm going to guzzle it straight from the can. It'll put hair on my chest. Maybe, I'll stage a Fear Factor contest at home and challenge my kids to drink it without barfing for cash and prizes.

carronin- When I'm rich, I'm going to buy my own electrolysis clinic. I plan on opening a philanthropical foundation too where we take in the poor, downtrodden and super hairy, and treat them to some free laser hair removal. Just once, I'd like to hear a beauty pageant contestant say that and shut up about World Peace ambitions. My mom keeps tweezers with her at all times for plucking chin/neck hairs. She even stows some in her trucks cup holder so she can pluck during red lights. I hate driving with her anywhere. Didn't you notice that Danny Elfman composed the music to my beloved Sledge Hammer! I thought you'd get a kick out of that.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

NCS- I meant to say that I hardly ever get sick. Usually twice a year. I last was ill back in APril, so my time was due. I'm healthy as a horse, strong as an oxen, and funky like a chicken all rolled into one person! It is hard to have to roll out of bed and go to work in the middle of the night when you feel like crap. No days off for the paper carrier, but we don't whine like postal workers who get days off all the time. Like today for instance. We didn't get MLK holiday off, but mail workers did. Maybe I should ignite a "peaceful protest" at the paper warehouse over it. MLK would be proud.