Monday, April 09, 2007
And All Shall Obey The Command Of The Roach Whisperer!
What could my sexy-Mexi Papi possibly have in common with these three people? Well, while he may possess lovely little man chi-chis that look like slices of Mexican pepperoni, they certainly don't rival the chestage of 'The Ghost Whisperer.' Papi remains firmly old school in his doggy and child training practices too. No, soft voices and feel good mellowness did not factor in at all when he established himself as the alpha-male of our household. However, Papi has a gentle side that really surprises me sometimes.
Last week, my daughter who suffers from a phobia of insect close encounters of the worst kind, ran screaming from the house because she had spotted the biggest, baddest, ugliest cockroach in the history of cockroaches loitering around our front door like a roachy vampire just waiting for an invitation to cross the Infidel threshold. What did I do? What I always do when a roach is involved. I summoned forth Papi, our resident Roach Bounty Hunter and legendary Roach Slayer. My Sunbum and I watched from a safe distance as we waited for Papi to give that roach his last rites and extermination orders. Instead of the much anticipated Cucaracha Smackdown, though, I witnessed Papi leaning over the roach, speaking to it, and gesticulating wildly with his hands. What the frick?
I cautiously moved in closer and heard him telling the roach to move away from the house as he shooed it from our front stoop with a paper plate. The roach didn't scurry away at first, and actually had the temerity to rise up as though he needed more instruction from his master, Papi The Roach Whisperer. I wanted to give the roach directions too......to the nearest Raid Roach Motel! Where he could check in but never check out. Papi had one foot up in the air, and I wondered if our cucaracha had his entire life flash before his beady microscopic eyes as he literally waited for the other shoe to drop. Finally, Papi succeeded in ushering it out to our front yard where I hope it became supper for one of the many lizards running around. I couldn't resist teasing Papi calling him a 'closeted Buddhist' and 'The Roach Whisperer.' I imitated and mocked Papi endlessly, taunting him with a soft and whispery, "Move on now roach. Your business here is done and you need to go towards the light where your kazillion little roach family members are waiting for you."
So, aside from my title as The Smiling Infidel, I am also the 'Muchacha de la Whisperer Cucaracha!' This roach exorcism might have been just an anomalous event. We can't feel entirely certain that this little roach wasn't the stoner star of the 'La Cucaracha' song, so high from his 'marijuana que fumar' that he could barely stumble around, let alone figure out how to enter our house. Even with the door wide open. Oh well, at least he didn't try to sing us any Bob Marley songs or tell Cheech and Chong jokes. I should patent my Papi's awesome roach whispering skills. He's like the Roachy Pied Piper. I'd live in fear of the major insecticide companies, though, looking to rub out their superior roach extermination competition.