Thursday, April 05, 2007

Giving The People What They Want

Enjoy the collage of painfully depressed, angst-ridden EMO EMU who drown their sorrows in pseudo-alternative rock bands. Rock bands that specialize in poetically despondent lyrics, grousing and bemoaning the harsh and woeful existence they lead out in the tree-lined suburbs.

FEEL the urge to flop your hair over one eye.

APPLY black eyeliner copiously to form dark rings around your eyes.

PIERCE any body part you can stick an earring through.

LISTEN to Fall Out Boy on your ipod.

WRAP yourself in the standard EMO uniform issued white studded belt.

WORSHIP and pay tribute to the Godfather of EMO, Robert Smith.

Why the sudden EMO EMU onslaught? Well, I've had a mad rush of people lately, logging onto the Infidel from all across the world. Just today the site meter marked visits from Finland, Sweden, Czech Republic, Serbia, Poland, Romania, Peru, Spain, United Kingdom, Mexico, Canada...... Holy crap! Who knew that EMO-ism has spread like a virulent disease to become an International movement? So, of course I'm encouraging this behavior. Come one, come all to marvel in wide-eyed delight at the amazing assortment of EMO EMU's that I have to offer. An EMU for every taste and predilection. Ostriches need not apply.

Oh, and for the freak who logged on from beautiful downtown Tehran, Iran this morning.....SHAME ON YOU! When terrorist countries come a looking for Infidels, it strikes a certain amount of fear into me. Visions of beheadings and bombings go dancing around in head. But, no, not Mr. Iran. He had other things on his mind today. More pressing, urgent issues. I honestly think that Mr. Iran just plain has issues. Want to know what he was looking for? Dirty pictures of domestic cooking queen, Rachael Ray! May mercy be brought upon his sick and twisted little soul.


Carrotjello said...

EW ew ew ew...Rachel Ray?? Wow. I love the "If I had arms I'd cut myself" lol!

Abby said...

I just read down quite a ways...I would totally read a book if you wrote one! (So with all that extra time on your hands--go!)

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Yes, they know about Rachael Ray in Iran. And apparently, they want to see her nekkid too. I think we may know now the real reason why they hate America and want to nuke us.

I'm glad that you enjoyed the EMO EMU gallery that I lifted off the Internet. I figured that I should at least accommodate my international peeps in their EMO EMU quest.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Abby- We posted at the exact. same. time. So, very, very freaky. I'll be here when Houghton-Mifflin or Knopf decide that they need an Infidel author to pen a tome on my specialty subjects. Fart jokes, and tying together completely unrelated things to make a goofy blog post.

Burg said...

And I thought the Canadian who really wanted to see "video girl licking" who came to my blog was a weirdo.

b. said...

You know what they flock to mine for?

Jennifer B. said...

Who knew that forlorn, depressed, masochistic emus could be so FUNNY?

love your label

scribbit said...

Rachael Ray? I mean she's some cute and pretty cute but a rather odd choice I would think. :)

omar said...

Hey wait, you've got dirty pictures of Rachael Ray here? I'm going to have to find them... um... in order to see how gross they are! Yeah, that's it.

Chris said...

That Ray lady is kinda cute but she's nowhere near the voluptuousness of one Nigella "Even if I lick a spoonful of frog spawn I'd still make it look hot" Lawson.

Emo Emu is a disease all right but better that than the natural disaster that is Sanjaya "I'm gonna be the new Michael Jackson minus the odd pigmentation and child abuse charges" Malakar.

I'm sooo on a roll!

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

Maybe it's because Rachael is so well-endowed. With cooking skills. Iran guy shouldn't be looking at something about "infidels". Can't he get excommunicated from whatever freaky kill-people religion he belongs to?

P.S. Love the Robert Smith reference. :)

jams o donnell said...

Funny you should mention Emo teh Emu.. a silly long running adult comic here called Vis ran a strip called Rod Hull an Emo. Rod Hull was a dire 70s act an aussie with a psychotic emu puppet.. the Emu as Emo seemed to be loking at ways to kill itself...

THe big question is what was I doing thumbing throuhg Viz!

elasticwaistbandlady said...

burg- He was probably high on Canadian bacon.

b.- So much more efficient than Depends though. Crap! a bag.

jennifer- Sting is such an inspiration to us all. Ahem.

scribbit- In a world where Screech has his own porn tape, anything is possible.

omar- She's in a compromising position with a turkey in one of the pics. Instant hope for 95% of the male population! in da house!!!! You're on a roll with a slap of special sauce, dude.

millie- Well, it's only natural that if James Brown was titled 'The Godfather Of Soul,' that my man Robert should be graces as 'The Godfather Of EMO.'

jams- Emus scare me. Seriously. When we went to the drive thru safari, I about wet myself when they started craning their necks and trying to peck us in an effort to get more food. EMOS may scare me more though. I'm just not sure.

Dorky Dad said...

Yeah, man. Why Rachel Ray? What's the deal?

I'm still somewhat lost on the whole emo thing. I tend to see more jokes about emo than any actual emos. Then again, I haven't seen a lot of emus, either.

The Freelance Cynic said...

Who needs arms, he has a neck. I'll help!

Suzanne said...

LOL at your Emo Emu!!! You just made my morning! :D

No Cool Story said...

The Godfather of EMO is Robert Smith?

I thought the Infidels had their own Infidel Army.

So cornfused now.

Anonymous said...

EMO EMU just made my day,but then again, after computers what wouldnt? having to put up with EMOs. they're like a disease or a virus or something wher few people have an immune system. dont you just want to strangle them?
i do. hell, of course i do - my brother is one. i laugh at him every day

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