Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Davey, Davey Matthews.......King Of The River Pollution Frontier!

Just in case you don't remember the embarrassing incident two years ago, Dave Matthews tour bus dumped 800 pounds of liquid waste into the Chicago River and ON TOP of river boat tourists. I knew the man was full of crap, but 800 pounds worth? Whoa!
Let me clarify, I'm no fan of Dave Matthews. I would rather wear my most grossly uncomfortable tight-fitting, boob-squishing, underwire-poking bra for 7 straight days before I ever want to hear 'What Would You Say?' again. I'm serious. Courtesy of FM radio and even XM Satellite radio, I've heard an entire lifetime quota of that song in just a few short years. The song, 'Crash,' is no romantic ditty either, despite the masses of swooning trendy suburbanites who chose that as "their" couple song. 'Ants Marching,' makes me want to march too..........right over a cliff.

Dave Matthews has also won entry into my "Just Shut Up And Sing Already" exclusive group for politically charged, yet sadly hypocritical entertainers. The man seems hell bent on taking over kid movies too. We've watched 3 films this past year all starring Dave Matthews posturing the only facial expression he knows how to pull off, the constipated grimace.

Like, Lisa Loeb, though, I do loooooovvvveee at least one DMB song. Yes, 'American Baby' rocks me in a gentle way I haven't known since my days as a suckling infant. In my opnion, 'American Baby' didn't garner nearly enough airplay upon its release in 2006. So, if you only find it in your heart to listen to one Dave Matthews song this year, make sure it's 'American Baby!'

7 comments:

Kimberly said...

Ironically, that's the only song of their's I know. =P

No Cool Story said...

I don’t know why, but I find DM very sexy. Very.
I hate it when musicians/actors talk instead of entertain me. I don’t want to know, really, just shut up.

I'm staying American baby!
(I don't know about the beautiful part)

carronin said...

I remember hearing about that incident on the news programs and the interviews with the people that got dumped on. Frankly I can't believe that Dave Matthews has nerve to show his face anywhere after that. If I was responsible for dumping crap on a boat load of people I would be so hoorified and embarrassed. I would change my name and move the Guam. Just sayin.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

kimberly- Maybe if you ask nicely, they'll modify that into "Canadian Baby,' just for you!

NCS- No. How many times have I told you? We are Republicans and we do not support hypocrite lefties. I forbid it, NCS! You must choose your man crushes more wisely. I mean, just look at Dave, he has deeply grooved worry lines in between his eyebrows. He would suck all the fun and WonderMexi cuteness right out of you!

carronin- He didn't just take a crap on someone's head, the bus let loose 800 pounds of it! My girls remember this story, and retell it fondly and laugh. It's one of our favorite 'Enviro Lib Gets Nipped In The Butt' bedtime stories. All day today I kept singing, "Dave Matthews POOP drops keep falling on my head......" Catchy, no? Maybe I'll submit to old Dave himself and see if he'll record it.

Millie said...

LOL @ "move to Guam". I think even people in Guam have heard of DM - or should we say "BM"! HAHAHAHHHAHHAA

I like "Everyday" just because of the video. I love that the hugging guy ended up on "30 Rock".

Syar said...

Dave Matthews played a paino-prodigy savant who can't button his own shirt at the age of 35 in House. He didn't look constipated there, but that must've been after he unloaded all his crap.

Linda said...

I'm so out of the loop that I don't know his political persuasion. Fill me in?