Monday, May 21, 2007

How Do You Say 'Pull My Finger' in Spanish?

I think that as proud Americans we can all recognize the profound impact that the Mexican and Latino culture has had on our society. I mean, thanks to Ricky Martin livin la vida loca and breaking down long held bon-bon taboos, we can now endlessly shake our own bon-bons to our little heart's content without fear of reprisal or torch bearing mobs. Thanks to Mexico and their culinary specialties, we can experience Montezuma's Revenge in a whole new way. The searing pain of heartburn with a spicy international flair. Viva! Ole! Aye Carumba! Thanks to inventive Mexican styled luchador wrestling, we no longer automatically think of Zorro when one asks the age old question of , "Wow, who was that masked man??!!!??" Instead it conjures up mental images of lumbering wrestlers outfitted in butt hugging Lycra tights like some sort of sausage casing for men. Nice.

Yes, we should definitely celebrate diversity and the beneficial elements it's brought into our lives. However, I'm getting a little irritated about the flow of Spanish speaking foreigners taking American jobs and contributing to a lowering of an acceptable living wage while propagating an almost slave trade environment because they'll labor for a ridiculously low amount of money.

Just last week, this issue really hit home with me. My own beloved resident Mexican, Papi, sat typing away at the computer while I lay in bed trying to drift off to sleep. All of a sudden, a deafening noise shattered the silence of our boudoir and it immediately snapped me to attention. I bolted upright in the bed and furtively looked around the room to see where it came from. That's when I noticed Papi smiling devilishly while leaning to one side and again the same explosive sound echoed through the bedroom once more. I couldn't believe my ears. Here was Papi, a fart amateur, horning in on my territory. Irate, I started chastising Papi for his flagrant flatulent disregard for me. Who does he think he is???!!? I have 32 years experience in the field of farting, and here's this damn Mexican who thinks he can just waltz into this country and take over my job. Unskilled fart laborer. What's next? Will I lose my lead fart position because Papi will work for less? Will he take a second job and outsource me for nose picking too? Where does the madness end?

Remember how our parents generation received dire warnings about the future of America due to the nefarious 'Brown Wave?' I bet they never expected that the 'Brown Wave' would literally take over good old-fashioned American 'Brown Wave-Brown Panty' ingenuity. Times.....they are a-changing.

The music today reflects the fact that like Thalia, I too, 'Amor A La Mexicana!' We both look stupid in sombreros too. Arriba!