Friday, June 01, 2007

Welcome To The Infidel Time Machine:Destination 1980's! Don't Forget Your Leg Warmers And Jelly Shoes

I constantly snap pictures that catch my interest in one way or another. I used to participate in the blogging community's collaborative Wordless Wednesday effort, but I just don't have time for it these days. I hate to see a fun picture go to waste, so today I bring you a retro 80's feel as I inexplicably undergo the task of matching all the photos seen here with an 80's theme counterpart. Oh great Goddess of Nachos, how I worship thee and your lovely processed cheese goodness. The Valero gas station attendant knows me and the full extent of my nacho addiction. She's allowing herself to slip into the role of co-dependency as she gifts me with fresh jalapenos whenever I stop by.

As I fall helpless under the nachos enchanting spell, I always think of this song: Starpoint-Object Of My DesireThe sight of this gargantuan, Pepto-Bismol pink gorilla amused my daughter, Monkey, and I this week. I couldn't help but feel sorry for this inflatable beast, though. I mean, how demeaning and demoralizing to have to wear such an itsy-bitsy, teenie-weenie, yellow polka dot bikini. What, are they trying to pimp her out to become the next Bride Of King Kong? Or maybe to win the Miss Gorilla Fingers International beauty pageant?

I hereby dedicate this little simian ditty to her: Peter Gabriel-Shock The MonkeyThis obviously inflammatory banner really caught my ire. Who do these people think they are discriminating like that with their storage business? There's laws against this sort of prejudice, you know. I mean, it's all fine and good for the elite letters of R & E, to revel in their own exclusive little club, but what about the rest of the alphabet? Will they always be on the outside looking in? Is there no room at the inn for 24 more letters? Such heartless and cruel alphabet abuse makes this Infidel profoundly sad.

It also makes these guys sad because they'll never receive an invitation to play at the R&E gigs since their kind obviously isn't welcome: ABC-Look Of Love
I'm sort of a pizza connoisseur, and I'm not afraid to top my pizza with strangely new and exciting things. Sadly, I can think of nothing more disgusting than a pizza laden with taco corners. What's next, discarded sandwich crust pizza? No, it's just plain wrong to recycle your crispy little taco corners in this way.

I think that I should recruit this man to come and speak about the perils of ingesting Taco Corner Pizza. He's all about 'Puttin On The Ritz,' but I'm thinking that I'm okay with crumbled Ritz crackers on my pizza as opposed to someone else's germy taco leftovers:Taco-Puttin On The RitzAnd finally, we find ourselves stuck at the Adhesives Inc. company. I guess it's a sticky job, but someones gotta do it. I wonder if any former employees have told the boss to take his job and 'stick it' where the sun don't shine?

I'm sure I already know what they play at the company picnic every year, their theme song, of course: Huey Lewis-Stuck With You

20 comments:

b. said...

YOU are too cool for school.

Carrotjello said...

I think you're on to something with that discarded sandwich crust pizza idea. I'm going to work on a recipe. We could go into business with that idea.

Jennifer said...

Frickin HIlarious post!!!

Tori :) said...

What a RAD FOX you are!!
Totally excellent!
Party on Dudes!

Jennifer B. said...

Hee hee hee.

annie said...

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU
Loved the good mail today!
So much fun!

Annie

Amanda said...

Like Oh my gosh, you are like so totally awesome. That pizza place is so like gag me with a spoon. (In case you couldn't figure it out because I am not nearly as funny as you, this is my best imitation of a valley girl, from the 80's)

jams o donnell said...

Taco corner pizza? is that It-mex fusion food? But surely R&E storage isn't so elitist after all it's noun and consonant in perfect harmony!

Toni said...

Love the music for this one!

PJ said...

That is why I don't stand on buildings in my swimsuit, now everyone knows she needs a little Jenny Craig in her life

Elizabeth-W said...

Just the two words "jelly shoes" almost made me turn around and not read any more because those definitely were gaggy--crocs are the 00's equivalent--just a breeding ground for impetigo, in my opinion :)
I miss the 80s in a big way, by the way.

nikko said...

The 80s were fun. I like your song choice for the day. Maybe your friends at Dumass Taco could explain Taco Corner Pizza? Maybe it's a taco thing and you've got to be in the biz to know?

on.the.run said...

Very funny - my favorite is the taco corner pizza...

Tori :) said...

I gots da goods from "ewes". I posted about it today. :)

elasticwaistbandlady said...

I just wanted everyone to know that I scored me some free nachos at Valero this morning. I work all night on Saturday and I stopped in around 1:00 AM and their chili dispenser was broken. I tried so hard not to cry or feel too disappointed about it. The nice attendant not only brought out my fresh, untainted jalapenos, but also comped the nachos! To be sure, it's a blissfully happy day in Crackertopia!

Chris said...

Yam Plaza must be a sad place to do business. I see only one establishment!

What am I saying? I want some nachos now darnit!

Millie said...

I love, love, love the pink gorilla with the yellow bikini. It's perfect.

No Cool Story said...

I hope that's a girl gorilla. I'd hate to know this is yet another subliminal message aimed at our children.
Or maybe it's a subliminal message against polka dot bikinis. Or for them.

...Nachos, hmnmmm....

Isaura said...

NACHOOOOOOOOOOOSS but wouldn't you rather have a Port OF Houston Chili Dog?!

BarnGoddess said...

omg, that gorilla is scarier than the giant blow up Shrek at the store....