Thursday, August 23, 2007

The Smiling Infidel Gets Rocky Mountain High!

I finally have a few minutes to put together pictures from the grand Colorado Bloggy soiree this past weekend. Nobody likes to read a lot of blah blah, so I'll just let the pictures do the talking.

This is me and Aubrey giving up some Cheese! at the Cheesecake Factory. Yeah, I know, Aubrey's flawless and thin, and didn't spill a drop of food on her gorgeous white tunic shirt either. Could I have positioned myself beside a bigger contrast? Likely not. We met Amber That Crazy Bloggin Canuck and Aubrey for lunch right after our Denver arrival. We engaged in noshing and loads of light-minded laughter.
Annie deftly and swiftly maneuvered our mini-van chariot through treacherous mountain tunnels and roads.......make that roads that descended straight down into the canyon abyss without concrete barriers. Was I nervous? Naaaahhh. We stayed at the fabulously elegant Glenwood Suites courtesy of Carrie(Carronin) and her man, El Jefe. We also Came & Went from the Kum & Go next door and didn't make any crude jokes about it. At all.

Here's a segment of random titillation (I said Tit!) for the men out there who fantasize about having a bevy of beautiful bloggers sprawled out across their bed. Not only did we party with Jim Gaffigan, but we partied in our THONGS! Oh yes, we did. And then I picked up Jim and took him home with me. Luckily, Papi doesn't seem to mind sharing our happy home with a white man.

Carrot and I shared a king-sized bed together without anyone else clamoring for our nocturnal company. Why? Well, because we're the only two that ate chili cheese dogs and I suspect that nobody wanted to spend the night with a coney addict. That's okay. We had each other, and our very own Restricted Access Chili Dog Chick Room.
Suzanne and Tori surprised us all by secretly bringing our Millie Chicken to town! Sneaky Utah people..... Yay! Here we are surrounding Mike The Headless Chicken like his very own Harem Of Hens. Millie and Tori do a hot and spicy battle in an epic War Of The Asses. Tori? The Smart Ass? Who would have ever thought?

We all got in touch with our inner shadow people and had lunch at Annie's house complete with onion rings courtesy of the fabulous Rug's Bug. Annie and Carrie's dad, Big Rich, made my day by telling me he's a huge fan of The Smiling Infidel. Then, their mom said that 'I brought much joy to their lives.' I want that stitched onto a sampler. I got to share my 'Newspaper Carrier Greatest Hits' with Rug's Bug and her husband because I knew that we all understand completely the life and times of a paper slinger, both past and present. I loved getting to meet all the kids and spouses. Loved it! Annie's Secret Agent Man is funny and hawt. No wonder she doesn't reveal his identity on her blog. I also got to see Annie's computer room where all the magic happens.

Yeah, I went up, up, and away in one of those cable gondola thingies, all the while nervously calculating how much we all weighed against the 1,000 pound weight limit. We were a movin on up.......movin on up......to the top! While eating at the mountain top restaurant, Carrie and I solidified our titles as Queens Of Inappropriate Dinner Conversation. Yay us! Think Sex And The City:The Mormon Lite Version. If you ever want to know about the risque hidden meanings to popular songs, just ask Sodak Angel, Carrie, or myself. We know everything.

And then we embarked on a cave tour where all the formations had food names like 'Cave Bacon,' and 'Drinking Straws.' Sodak Angel and I saw things quite differently, though. Fun With Phonics? No, not us. Fun With Phallics? You got it! Carrot was the star of the tour, overshadowing our sweet Natalie Portman look-alike guide with her humour and picking up new people around us to add to our entourage. I have pictures but they haven't been modified to protect the innocent yet.
That vixenish Annie was the only one to manage getting a big screw the whole weekend.

Here's a closeup of my now notorious Pink FIFI bag. We had a big gift exchange too. Well, instead of parting gifts, I got farting gifts. Sodak Angel and Carrot Jello know me all too well!

Have you ever spent an entire weekend surrounded by people who lavish compliments and undeserved praise on you while simultaneously making you snort with laughter? I just did. My girls asked me about my trip and I've started referring to it as the 'ME TOO!' experience because I had so much in common with so many of these ladies, every conversation turned into me saying 'ME TOO!' The best part though, was coming home to my six kids who actually missed me....and showed how much they missed me by the mountainous clothes pile stacked and waiting for me in the laundry room. Papi missed me so much, he endured over an hour of hearing every minute detail of the weekend.

Thank you so much Annie and Carrie for providing us with a place to meet and frolic and wet our pants from laughing so hard. Okay, maybe only one of us wet our pants from laughing so hard. I always bring extra undies in case of unforeseen events. I love all of you people in ways that I never imagined I could before. Thanks for the memories. In Carrot's case......FRANKS for the memories!

45 comments:

SoDak Angel said...

Me too! Me too! I am super happy girl too! perfect dipiction of out perfect weekend....and...where is the Boulder Gas? I was sure it would make it...

b. said...

Kum'nGo? and not one joke?

Awww...I love hearing about the festivities!!
And thanks for the great pictures!

nikko said...

Sounds like an awesome weekend. I loved hearing and seeing your take on it all. ;o)

Jean Knee said...

first of all infidel, I imagined you with shoulder length hair so that's really throwing me off a little, and then to have it long and fabulous cuts to the bone. didn't you tell me you had a fro?

second; whaaaat no kum and go jokes? there should be a law against that.

third; those fart presents were the beeeesssst

fourth; I don't have a fourth

Suzanne said...

I love how you put the part of the picture that had your shadows in it instead of the view you were taking a picture of! LOL! I wish we could have stayed all weekend! :)

Kimberly said...

I wanted to make you a welcome home banner as well, but my html skills failed me. =P

Special K ~Toni said...

Sounds like you had a well deserved mini vacation! The hubs and I were in Mino-freaking-sota last summer, driving back to Texas we saw a Kum & Go- it is the ONLY picture I took the entire two week vacation! Thankfully, the hubs remember to take pics of the kids and me tipsy 24/7.

I am so HAPPY to FINALLY see a picture of you! You are so beautiful and funny! Lucky Papi!

Tori :) said...

ME TOO!!!!!
Of course, we were all too sweet, innocent and demure to make Kum-n-Go jokes...
EWBL, my little smiling infidel, you are awesome!!!!!! I can't believe how much you a Carronin look alike in that pic from DQ. Both so black and rectangular... Crazy. I guess NCS and I aren't the only twins. :D
Yay for welcome back signs! I just came home to a baby with an arm splint. :P
I heart Elastic. I wish I'd been able to stay longer.

PJ said...

So fun, so very fun.

jams o donnell said...

I'm glad you had a great time, It must have been fun to meet everyone. I see one fellow blogger at work and that's about it!

carronin said...

Elastic, ME Too! Even though we have spoken twice on the phone since you've been home, I miss you! I think you should move here. There are papers here you can throw

Kayelyn said...

Loved the recount. I love the twist you present it with.

My daughter K loves the fart presents and I love the froggy on your sidebar wiping his butt. Too funny.

shay said...

How fun does all that look!
Looks like you ladies had a blast! Thanks for sharing.

Lei said...

Oh stop... please stop! I am crying I am laughing so hard. Mormon Lite Version? Oy, stop already.

Elizabeth-W said...

Great trip!!! I love that gondola, and the creepy rocks.

aubrey said...

awwwww, your rendition of it truly was the most entertaining. i think for only having a few minutes to throw that together, it was fabulous. what is noshing?

aubrey said...

p.s. could you forward me that pic of you and myself? i am trying to gather pictures so i can do my own blogmeet post since i didn't have my camera. at paul and aubrey at hotmail. thanks, chica!

Carol said...

Sounds like a fabulous trip! Colorado had to be more pleasant than Houston. Especially if you happen to enjoy running...

Stacey said...

It looks like all had a fabulous time! Thanks for sharing the pictures.

Love the farting gifts and the big screw!

Hmmm...I never thought I would say those 2 things in the same sentence.

Lisa said...

Cool recap! Sounds awesome!

So, yeah, when did thongs become flip-flops?! I can't even believe there is a store called Kum & Go. And cute Fifi bag!!

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

*sniffle* I miss you!!!!!

I'm so glad you posted a picture of yourself. The Smiling Infidel's beauty should not be kept a secret.

So you're saying it was a good thing I retired to my own bed that night...

Melissa said...

Sounds like you had a fantastic trip! I'm still insanely jealous... but one day I'll get to meet y'all... one day...

Nancy Face said...

I ♥ all the great pictures...especially the one of you!!! You have such a beautiful smile! I'm glad you didn't hide behind a black rectangle, haha! Thanks for sharing this...I enjoyed reading all about it, and I'm so glad you got to be there!

omar said...

How come you showed your face in some of the pictures and blocked it out in others?

Next year, you all should have your blog meet-up in western NY. Visit for the Hill Cumorah pageant, then stop by at my house and say hi. I'll even bake a pie.

Lauren said...

Thank you for sharing such a fun experience! And I know I have said this before...but your humor never ceases to amaze me :)

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Disclaimer Time!!!!

I act like the fun one on my blog but having six kids has made me wary, cautious, and tired. I was the first to bed and the first to rise every day. Yeah, I was on the Ben Franklin Plan minus the 'Healthy, Wealthy, and Wise' part.

I screamed like a maniac on the rider operated roller coaster that went down the mountain much to the amusement of Carrie. People, it WAS scary for a first-timer. And it was raining.

My mom raised me to be nasty at home and more refined in public. Only Carrot got to experience the joy of Infidel farting. I was on my best behaviour because I wanted to seem respectful.....well, until Carrot made me laugh so hard I fell out of the bed and peed my pants.

Some of the pictures with me look okay but I'm surrounded by peeps who didn't want their faces shown. I'm lazy and just stole the pre-black rectangle face pics from other party attendants who assumed I didn't want to be seen. Or assumed that nobody WANTED to see me.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Sodak- That is the intellectual property of Carrot Jello. I don't need no stinkin picture anyway, I actually had Boulder Gas courtesy of Noodles And Company.

b.- I wanted to impress these ladies with my sophistication. I only thought up a few Kum & Go jokes and laughed to myself.

Nikko- Gracias! We got enough peeps for a Texas Bloggy Hootenanny, don't we?

jean knee- I have mild-mannered straight hair on the outside, but on the inside is a party Fro just waiting to emerge! I told you I'm growing out my hair for Locks Of Love, right?

suzanne- My heart sank when you guys took off. I'm like a little child, I prepared myself for you guys leaving, but nobody told me that Millie was leaving too. It made it so much worse.

kimberly- What? You feel too good to make me something out of macaroni?

toni- The Language Of Compliments Is Always Spoken Here! And know we have a shared Kum & Go sighting in common. We're bonded forever.

tori- It takes me a while to feel comfortable with new people. And right when I get to that point, you guys left. :( I call a Blogger Instant Replay! By next year we should know more about one another and bypass the pleasantries and dive right into pure, unadulterated FUN!

elasticwaistbandlady said...

PJ- More fun than I could shake a coney dog at!

jams- Yeah, but did you share a bed with him and wet your pants in front of him? that's the stuff that blogger bonding dreams are made of, my friend!

carronin- Are you trying to whore me out to the Grand Junction Sentinel? I am the number three carrier around here and my services don't come cheap. I had the most Me Too's! with you and Carrot. Along with a lot of "Really's?" because I'm so dang gullible.

kayelynn- The Kandoo Frog is the patron saint of The Smiling Infidel. Bringing moist wipie freshness to butts everywhere.

shay- We ate chili dogs. Not once, but TWICE. Of course, it was a BLAST! Was there any other choice?

lei- yeah, cable turned down our show pilot though. They'd rather only show Mormons in 'Big Love,' than being real and funny.

elizabeth- I maintained my composure because I understand the tattletale code of ethics among fellow bloggers......and I didn't want them to write ELASTIC IS SUCH A BIG WUSS. Whoops, too late. Carrie did do that already.

Aubrey- Noshing= Stuffing Our Faces Until We're Too Full To Even Share A Slice Of Cheesecake. Yeah, I'll get that forwarded in just a minute. Did you see how shiny my forehead is? If Rudolph ever retires, Santa can guide the sleigh with my freakin forehead. I really let my 'inner light' shine.

Carol- It was 97 degrees.....and I didn't sweat! Yes, Colorado is expensive but you can breathe there.

stacey- I hung the decorative wodd thingie over the mantel next to the sampler stitched with 'Home Is Where The Fart Is.'

lisa- maybe they don't get the 700 Club in Colorado and it's no holds barred on business naming without the Christian Right oppressing them?

MILLIE!- I call a do-over. Nobody told me that you were leaving too. And then i sat there, all dumb-founded in the parking lot while you got driven away. Well, I mean, more dumb-founded than my usual dumb-foundedness.

melissa- there's enough Melissa bloggers to host our own Melissa Party. We should do that.

nancy face- My shiny, shiny forehead didn't blind you? You're one of the lucky ones.

omar- You know that you just extended an invitation in writing, don't you? Legally binding. Start spreading the news, i want to be a part of it... NEW YORK! Actually, the ladies have their sights on Oregon for next year. Will you come along as our token bloggy man? We talked about you and your awesomeness this weekend. I won't say who, but some of the other ladies are jealous of the Omar attention Carrot, NCS, and I enjoy.

Lauren- Do you 'Stand All Amazed?'

Bee said...

WOW!
Looks like you had tons of fun!
Glad you're back though, we here in the Midwest need some funny blogs to read to cheer us up! :o)

sue said...

What fun! Thanks for sharing it all~~

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

(((((EWL))))))

It's why I braved 40 hours of Greyhound, baby... just for the sight of you.

on.the.run said...

Looks like fun. Those mountain picture make me miss CO.

SoDak Angel said...

I just wanted to come over here, and say *giggle*.

Amber said...

Good gracious. Little did I know Denver was merely the appetizer. Next year, I'm coming for DESSERT!

Nancy Face said...

You know, at church they tell us, "Let your light so shine..."

aubrey said...

awwwww, look at my shiney new link! you are wonderful. do you know that?

utmommy said...

I SO wish I could've, made it there. It sounds like so much fun.

Carrot Jello said...

I could have sworn I left a comment.
That's what people say when they realize they haven't left a comment yet.
Can you come over to my house today? I'll wait for you all day. I know it's a long flight, but you'd do it just for me, wouldn't you?

Annie said...

Thank you again for my brown and turquoise thongs. I wore them all day yesterday. As if I am not already the envy of Fruita already, having such fun and famous bloggers come to visit my hometown. Now I can say that I own hand-rendered thongs made by the elasticwaistbandlady.

Annie said...

I love your recap. So much fun, it such a short amount of time. It's taken me awhile to digest and catch up on my sleep. I vote my recap as the "Most Lame" of all. Your's is awesome! I like big bolts and I cannot lie!

compulsive writer said...

No carrot--I would've sworn I left one too. Weird!

Anyhoo, I'm with Millie: The Smiling Infidel's beauty should not be kept a secret.

Glad ya'll have a great time.

No Cool Story said...

I see you!!! You are so lovely, chili dogs and all :D
That weekend was so awesome, you all rock!

elasticwaistbandlady said...

I'm a comment commenter slacker!

Disclaimer Part Two:
Despite my name, I did not, in fact, wear any elastic waist band pants for the entire weekend. Neither did Carrot wear anything with carrots on it.

wynne said...

"Have you ever spent an entire weekend surrounded by people who lavish compliments and undeserved praise on you while simultaneously making you snort with laughter?"

Oh, no. But I really do wish I could someday. And you better be there when it happens. Even if I have to hire you as the entertainment.

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