Tuesday, September 18, 2007

The Sandwiching Witching Hour Draws Nigh!

We took an official Infidel Field Trip yesterday out to the gargantuan warehouse that holds the Halloween Express store. They had more bloody dismembered body parts scattered about than you could shake a bloody dismembered body part at. So, as we wound our way around the children's costumes, we saw a gaggle of wide-eyed little girls excitedly ooohing and aaahing over the sparkly fairy outfits and begging their parents to buy them Pretty Princess costumes with glittery tiaras to match. My fat Melody was not one of them. She instead rushed over to one side of the aisle and pointed out a bag that caught her interest while declaring, "Mommy, me wanna be this for Halloween." Did she want to dress up as the fiery Little Mermaid, or spunky Tinkerbell? No, my Melody wants to be the black-robed, and malevolent Emperor Of Evil. Isn't that sweet? It's nice to know that at least one of my girls will buck the Disney cuteness juggernaut. The money I save on Hannah Montana merchandise alone will keep me in name brand cheese until my retirement years.

And then we spotted the rack from High School Musical- more specifically 'Gabrielle's rack.' Oh well, I guess by this time, most of the world has already seen Gabrielle's rack! My older daughters know the deal and started laughing as I remarked that the costume bag was empty except for a really big smile.
This particularly nasty costume almost made me barf. When you push a button, real diarrhea liquid squirts out the rear. This costume did in fact hold the honor of winning my personal award for 'Reasons Why Mankind Deserves To Be Destroyed.'

We only celebrate Halloween by buying half-priced candies the next day. But what about you guys? Anyone have a super special or super funny costume past or present that they'd like to share with the class?

*I painted the poodle shirt that Melody's wearing. It has real bows and a pearl necklace on it. It's one of my most favorite things that I've crafted.*

51 comments:

Nancy Face said...

In my "Trekkie" days, I made official Star Fleet Uniform costumes for my entire family, complete with communicator pins. We attracted lots of attention! :D

The diarrhea costume doesn't bug me near as much as Gabriella's rack. >:(

LOOOVE Melody's poodle shirt! :D

Nancy Face said...

Ohhh, I was first! Isn't that just so cute, haha!

Jean Knee said...

oooo me me me me me oooo me. mee

call on meeee.
Halooween is the most funnest and fabulousest and magical time of the year. I already have my Haloween count down on my blog.

ooo ooo me me meeeeeee

here's a disturbing question for you and your readers: Why don't they want to wear their 'more expensive than oil' dance costumes??? Lean was cinderella in her recital but will she be cinderella for Hallowween. that would be no. heck no... don't ask again no

uhhm, infidel, you send cat box cake with turd recipes to friends and a little runny costume creeps you out? whas up wit at?

omar said...

I was Don King for the past couple of years. It goes over well at work, but the dang kids who come to my door all think I'm a "mad scientist". NO, you morons! I'm Don King!!

I might try the diarrhea costume this year, thanks for the idea.

Qtpies7 said...

I haven't done halloween stuff in years and years. One year I was a pregnant lady. I don't know why I did that. But I went on to have 7 kids, so go figure what I've always been obsessed with, lol.

The squirts thing is just too nasty! Why? Why????

nora.lakehurst said...

`K the diarrhea costume is GROSS> I was like what the Ok well that is just sad. I think its funny that they have more and more gore and whore stuff coming out for halloween these days.

Tori :) said...

I went as a booger on a kleenex one year. I just sprayed my hair green, added some green silly string, painted my face green and cut a hole in a white sheet. I stuck my green boogerhead thru the sheet. Wah-lah! A booger on a kleenex. I won Best Costume at a party for that. :)

Bee said...

I wish I could give you a full description of my costumes but... well khhmm... I need to stay "G" rated right?


Oh!
Were you talking about Halloween Costumes??
Yeah I'm always a Vampire!
Love the neck suck!

Bee said...

If that was too much info you know the drill... delete me.

Melissa said...

Nope... nothing interesting here. Last year Baby Girl wanted to be a fairy princess superhero firefighter. We didn't get the firefighter part in there... Family Fun usually has some creative costume ideas on their website.
(BTW - the shirt is WAY CUTE!)

Stacey said...

I love that your daughter is her own person. My daughter is very much a girlie girl...she is all about princesses,jewelry and makeup.

I'm not creative with the costumes. One year I was a pregnant vampire,the next year I was an angel. Go figure.

I could totally see my aunt in the diarrhea costume. She's all about bodily emissions.

Amber said...

I would have liked the last costume were it not for a certain protruding substance.

And little Melody, oh how she looks JUST LIKE YOU in that picture. She only learns from the best....

Kimberly said...

It's beyond disturbing to me that there are people in the world inventing some of this stuff.

Special K ~Toni said...

The shirt is adorable! Guess I need to find out what I need to get Luke this year! Hopefully Daddy will be home to take him begging around the neighborhood!

No Cool Story said...

We are living parallel lives. Fashionista and I made a trip to the halloween warehouse.

The "costumes" for women, were...well, 2 inches of fabric attached to dental floss.
I wanted to sing:
It's halloween biotches!
Gimme gimme more
Gimme more
Gimme gimme more
Gimme gimme more
Gimme (Uh)
And that's all I have to say about that.

Amanda said...

When I was pregnant with Megan I wanted to wear my missionary name tag and go as a pregnant missionary. Scott said no. He always spoils the fun!

Um, that diarrhea costume has got to be THE most disgusting thing I have ever seen....and I've been visiting your blog for awhile now. ;)

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

"I'm going as Diarrhea Guy for Halloween!" What kind of people would find this entertaining? Besides my brothers.

Good for fat Melody, bucking girly traditions. :)

Jean Knee said...

Where's my gotta go cat??? huh????

no one wants to see your virginal sandwich

Lisa said...

Cute shirt! Amanda is all about pink poodles.

JeanKnee-Amanda had 4 costumes for dance this year and you better believe she will be one of them. There is no way in heck that I am spending more money on more costumes.

We do the traditional, witch, cinderella, hippie, 50's girl. I am so hoping the teen can skip it this year. It is way too stressful to figure out a costume for her.

Why oh why is there a diarrhea man? He won't be able to sit all night. No need for that one!

elasticwaistbandlady said...

jeanknee- dareth you impugn the chastity and holiness of my grilled cheese sandwich??!?

The BLASPHEMY!!!!

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Pssss.....Hey Omar, your comment gave me and my girls fits of giggles as we imagined you as Don King.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

I forgot to compliment that cute little booger, tori.

Myoldest daughter is going as the first vampire Elvis impersonator this year. Yeah, I put her costume together last year from the 90 percent off after Halloween sales....

Carol said...

One year all my friends went as Barbie rejects. I was "Sleeping Her Way To The Top" Barbie. My mom is so very proud of me!

b. said...

The shirt's adorable and so is the kid. Is she really fat? Because you can't tell from the picture....

Elizabeth-W said...

We're gonna be vampires this year.

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

I love the Barbie rejects idea. If only I didn't only go to church Halloween parties. (sigh)

Anna Maria Junus said...

You just had to show a picture of diarreah man and make me barf too.

Thanks a lot.

Kayelyn said...

Based on the conversation with the teen boys that I work with last night- well lets just say diarrhea man would be their choice. *shaking head*

I usually go as witch dressed as me. Sometimes I wear a hat. Witch hat, that is.

I think I'll present Tori's bugger idea and see which kiddo decides it's cool.

Thorny Tree Lady said...

My brother went dressed like Diarreah Guy once, except he had a hypodermic needle sticking out of his behind. Oh, and he was on Rollerblades. He REALLY had to go in a hurry!

I'm going as a Mom Who Actually Gets More Than 3 Hours of Sleep Per Night this year. It's my dream costume.

Dapoppins said...

Are you saying you don't like princesses? But I wan't to know if you bought your darling different girl that costume? Did you see that sweet face? Those pleading eyes? Did you buy it?

Lauren said...

Hmm...no costume truly sticks out in my mind from the past. This year I am going to be a Barbie...but I don't know what kind. I need ideas...

If I get lazy, I am going to be wampire :) teehee

Lauren said...

wow...not a wampire.....a vampire.

Actually, I just invented a word for a woman vampire.

woman + vampire = wampire

Grant Miller said...

Halloween is for godless heathens. I spend that day inside reading the Bible.

Jean Knee said...

you're gonna have to ban that grant miller. I smell trouble

jams o donnell said...

Hmm we're really dull. Trick or treat only took off here in the last 10 years or so. We just hand out fun size bars to kids but hope as few turnu p as possible so we can eat them ourselves!

wynne said...

I love Halloween. As a matter of fact, I was going to do this post on my blog, but whatever. When an infidel beats you to it, what can you do?

My all-time favorite wasn't my costume, but my friend cross-dressing as a pregnant nun. (But I think a preggars missionary would be even funnier, amanda.)

I also dressed as one of the Three Fates one year, but that wasn't so much funny as fun. (Come visit my site in about two weeks and you'll see.)

PinkPowerSuit said...

I ALWAYS use shakeable dismembered body parts as a measuring stick for time, too!! We are twins.

People are thinking about Halloween already? That's so American.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Grant Miller sounds like just the kind of guy I want to do The Monster Mash with, jean knee!

b.- We call her Fat Melody in a loving way. Like Fats Domino-just a nickname.

lauren- Don't you mean a Waaaahhhhhmpire? Kind of like a Lucy/Vampire hybrid.

No, we did not buy Melody The Emperor Of Evil costume. Something funny though....she thinks the Fairy Godmother in Cinderella is a wicked witch! She's been walking around cackling in a deep voice "Bibbidy Bobbidy BOO!" and then laughing really wickedly while pointing and making noises like she's turning us into toads.

I'm not ignoring anyone....I'm just really busy with work. This is the middle of my work week, and I'll be around tomorrow afternoon. If I survive the intense Houston heat, that is. Crap, I sweated through TWO butt towels just today!

carronin said...

That little cutie of yours would look sweet in any costume. I got it easy this halloween my boys think they are too old to dress up and my daughter wants to wear the same costume she had last year.YES!!

Emily said...

Melody is beautiful! Why is she referred to as fat Melody?

No Cool Story said...

Wow. I feel so ignored now.

I had a dream with you: You and Annie came to my house for dinner. We sat at the table to wait for Millie, them I told the maid to serve the salad.

And this how my hostessing efforts get rewarded?

Demosthenes said...

It would be one thing if bathrobes really work like that... but how could a butt just... protrude like that? I don't even get it.

I'd comment more, but it would involve devoting attention to HSM. Which I don't do.

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

Millie's late for everything, including every meal. Bad me.

It's gonna be a cool night, just let me hold you by the firelight... if it don't feel right, I'll slip you a roofie....

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

P.S. Diarrhea Guy looks like he needs some Kandoos for Christmas.

Tamra Norton said...

About 10 years ago I won the penny-pincher homemade costumes of the century award when I made paper mache alien heads for all of my kiddos. I bought large balloons as forms to put the paper mache strips on and when they dried I painted them green and used silver pipe cleaners as antenna (since we all know aliens have antenna).

The poopy-butt costume picture is disgusting! :)

Jean Knee said...

that venus fly trap reminds me of one of those urinals

Corrie said...

My 12 yo son's favorite costume is to dress up like a 'bum' and wear a cardboard sign around his neck that says "Will work for candy" - not exactly PC, is he?

My favorite was the year my hubby dressed up as the Joker (complete w/green hair). Ahhhhh Halloween.

aubrey said...

bummer, i left a nice long comment on this post and it got eaten. how sad.

Radioactive Jam said...

Can't even THINK of costumes untile I get the image of that poo-spewing butt scrubbed off my brain. This could take some time.

Although thoughts of "name brand cheese" do help. so thank you for that at least.

Crap Happy Mama said...

I'm going as the Big Bad Blog Reaper for Halloween.

Yours is first on my finito list......

b. said...

Sooo....what you're saying is I'm fat?