Thursday, September 20, 2007

I'm Trying To Keep This Post Clean

How can such a massive glut of similar businesses survive in an overly saturated market? Why, by offering a niche service, that's how. You can't toss a soiled garment around Houston without hitting some sort of dry cleaning establishment. So it's interesting to note the following places and the specialty menu they're focusing on in order to cinch up market share and a tidy sum in the process. Emphasis on tidy....don't nobody want dirty money in this line of work.

The Board Of Directors at Pilgrim Cleaners strive to achieve a puritanical world free of the scourge of dirty Pilgrims. They offer first-rate services to all dirty Pilgrims, and even hired congenial John Wayne lookalikes for their flagship locations to give a big, warm "Howdy Pilgrim!" welcome. From giving a pure-as-the-driven-snow collar the stiffy treatment down to keeping your scarlet letter bright and shiny, Pilgrim Cleaners is there for you!

*Not responsible for any Pilgrim buckle damage that may occur*

Want to make your water fowl a little less, well.......... foul? Bring them on in to Swan's Cleaners. This place and their super bubbly swan-scrubbing action means Tunnel Of Love operators can run their romantic attraction without the fear of stanky swan pollution spoiling up the ambiance. They're also the secret weapon behind Swan Lake which used to be called Mucky Duck Lake.


*After just finishing Eclipse, I want to run Bella Swan through a wash and rinse at Swan's Cleaners. Bella gets done passionately making out with her vampire and then feels up a werewolf not even one hour later? Dirty Girly!*


And finally, we don't have to hold our breaths and maintain a 'wait-and-see' period after elections anymore. Will your selected candidate do as they promise and 'clean house?' I wouldn't bet on it. Luckily, we have an easy solution all wrapped up in a one-stop shop. At Country Cleaners, you can sanitize the land that you love while wringing out the asshats and hanging them up to dry at the same time. They also do shoe repairs and alterations while you wait for your country to get cleansed.



I often over hear people lament about getting 'taken to the cleaners.' Huh. I guess I'll just have to wait for an Infidel Cleaners to open up in this area so I can experience it firsthand.

37 comments:

Nancy Face said...

My silly town could learn a thing or two from yours. All we have is the "$1.99 Cleaners." I want my dirty laundry rubbing shoulders with pilgrims and swans.

Nancy Face said...

First again? I'm looking a bit like a stalker, muahahaha! >:)

elasticwaistbandlady said...

I swear I'm not being anti-social.....at this point, I haven't slept more than three consecutive hours since Monday night and I'm exhausted. I'll be around to check on all you lovely online friends manana!

My oldest daughter also told me that this was NOT a very good post. :( It's the best a sleep-deprived working Infidel could do, though.

Kayelyn said...

Did I mention that I love sarcasm?

Kayelyn said...

Just wanted to make sure you knew that.

No Cool Story said...

Dude, Go to bed! Teh Internets will be here when you get back refreshed and awakened (awokened? woked up?).

"Howdy Pilgrim", now I want to say that sooo bad.

PS: Bella. I want to try some Mexi can Judo on her for being such a pain. We are having a Nerd get together one of thses days (as soon as everyone has finished Eclipse)

Tori :) said...

I'm with NCS- GO TO BED!!!

Bella needs her butt kicked. I volunteer. I am, after all, a wolf girl.

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

Your "Howdy Pilgrim" has me hankering to watch Ryan Stiles do his really crappy John Wayne impression on "Whose Line Is It Anyway?". Yes. It does.

Tell your daughter Millie says she loves this post.

You said "stiffy." *snicker*

omar said...

1) Do people often toss soiled garments around Houston? I've never visited, but now I'm a bit scared to do so.

2) I'm no historian, but I'd take a guess that there were not a lot of black pilgrims.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

nancy- There's always openings for loyal stalkers around here! Maybe you can be jean knee's understudy.

kayelynn- Mostly I love the entire 'ASM' family, and that includes sarcASM.....and especially orga.....well, you know.

NCS- Oooooh, will you be serving Nerd candies at this event? I have something I really want to discuss about Jacob but I'm going to save it up for the big book dissection meeting.

tori- I think Jacob is the logical choice since she won't have to give up anything to be with him. Whereas, choosing Edward means leaving family and the hope of future children behind. I'm so glad that I only had to choose between a hot Mexican and a dorky American and not a vampire and werewolf. Edward and Jacob would make the decision so freakin hard.

millie- It's not an Infidel masterpiece without the mark of the stiffy......

omar- I'm all about blog diversity. Besides, legend has it that this black Pilgrim was the dude to introduce the very first 'high-five' and showed off his corn husking end zone dance at the First Thanksgiving gathering.
(actually I had to really look for a good Pilgrim pic and this guy had a nice smile and was hot enough to rock the black tunic/white collar look. Not even Tyrese could make a Pilgrim outfit look so good.)

Jean Knee said...

H-town seems very complicated to moi (that's french for WTF)
think about it, if I accidentally dropped my polka dotted tie dyes off at , say the swan cleaner place, would the swan's man deliver them back to me in a pristine white condition along with that fabulous lasagne?
which reminds me: how come all the UPS guys always have way cuter legs than the swan's guys?

Sketchy said...

This has my "Clean, but not Obessively so" Norway mark of approval.

Stacey said...

My scarlet letter has been looking a little dull lately. Maybe I should try Pilgrim Cleaners...I would hate to embarrass myself by walking around with a dirty letter.

Stacey said...

Yeah my comment sucks.

I've been up since six,gimme a break.

Melissa said...

I'm gonna be a tad of a copy cat here and say GO TO BED! When you get back you'll be all bright eyed and bushy tailed...er... um... something like that.

sue said...

We only have a couple. They both suck. Big-time. That is all.

I think I need sleep too.

jams o donnell said...

Infidel dry cleaners? If you don't want dirty money how about a money laundering service. Bring a shine back to those dollar bills!

Suzanne said...

I hope you have been able to get some sleep Elastic! Oh and I think your post was just fine! :)

Lei said...

I never pay attention to the names, I never use them. Sounds like I'm missing out! If I hadn't already trained my dh to iron his own stuff I might be more aware, lol.

Kimberly said...

You is da bomb, babe. Lovin' the comical cleaning comments.

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

As part of my new "Pure Millie" approach to commenting, I hereby recant my "stiffy" comment. You never saw it.

I read here that there actually were black pilgrims. Who knew?

Lauren said...

I'm with ya...Bella needs to be thrown in the wash. indeed.

Radioactive Jam said...

If an Infidel Cleaners ever opens up in my area, I'll play in the mud* just to make sure it stays busy.

* More than, you know. Usual.

Crap Happy Mama said...

You and your filthy mind and filthy posts make me feel like I need to go to the cleaners to have it all washed away so I can be purified.

Elizabeth-W said...

This is a very interesting post. There ARE a million of those things down there. So, is it that Houstonians are super-tidy? Or are all southern (read hot/muggy and want a lot of starchy) cities the same?

Mrs. Crybaby Jones said...

What can they do for tear-stained buffalo hides?

Bee said...

[best John Wayne imitation ever]

"Pilgrim pilgrim pilgrim!"

Uh... that's all I know how to say that's John Wayne-y

Special K ~Toni said...

I have never taken note of the dry cleaners in my area- mainly because "mom sweats" are machine washable. Will have to take a look around!

mcewen said...

We have phases of dry cleaners, but those white shirts smell so chemically after a few weeks that I've no other option than to do the wicked deed myself.
Fully sympathy on the sleep deprivation front.
Cheers
[come pick up your award]

PinkPowerSuit said...

When you get to all the Natasha Clarks, I am the one whose photo is a close up of her face with pink lips and a big green eye and very white skin. That's how you know it's me. OR, you could just tell me your name and I'll find you.

I'll check out your other blog and totally relate to why you started it.

Amber said...

What about making my little stinkers a little less, well, stinky? Please say you can help!!!!

Carrot Jello said...

Hey! Did you delete my clever comment??? What's going on around here??

Jean Knee said...

WTF mines gone too

The Horror!

compulsive writer said...

At first I thought you wrote "Moby Duck Lake." I know this post was really about the cleaners, but I'm going to start calling our Utah Lake "Mucky Duck Lake." It fits perfectly!

Annie said...

Way to go Elastic!

on.the.run said...

We have far too many strip mall in Houston an every one of them contains a dry cleaner. Although I know that dry cleaners are a necessary evil I sure do hate to pay some one to "clean" my clothes and have them come back smelling like some one's (some one else's) armpits.

Glo said...

I've always wanted to sit in with the "think tanks" who come up with these things...