Monday, October 01, 2007

Hang Em' High:The Pink Flamingo Version

And then when my eyes bore solemn witness to the macabre scene left behind on the grounds of the secret Plastic Flamingo Gallows- a cry of anguish escaped my pursed lips and burst slowly forth, punctuating the eerie silence. Despondently, I tallied up the carnage of those who had met the wrong end of the noose this fateful autumnal eve.

Since when does decorating your yard with the always delightfully-kitschy plastic pink flamingo constitute a capital offense? Who made these people judge, jury, and executioner that they could play Flamingo Hangman like this? Maybe the Homeowners Association President lives here, and he's trying to send a message out to any and all who dare landscape with flamboyant flamingo panache--Do it, and the flamingo gets it. Capiche?
Well, if we're going to punish abhorrent tackiness and fug in such an appalling manner, I move to take down A Flock Of Seagulls before targeting a Flock Of Flamingos. We must also stop to consider all the sad and lonely garden gnomes bereft of their flamingo companionship. Won't you please think of the gnomes?!? Stop the senseless flamingo violence today for a better flamingo tomorrow.....

*No Flock Of Seagulls Were Harmed In The Making Of This Post Because They Ran, They Ran So Far Away. And They Ran, They Ran All Night And Day.....*

27 comments:

on.the.run said...

I feel pressure to say something witty since I am making the first comment but I just wrote a paper about Andrew Carnegie and the Rise of Big Business so my wit is tapped. You see some crazy stuff sister.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

This post wasn't particularly witty, so no pressure to reciprocate in kind.

I want to make a joke about Andrew Carnegies Mellon........

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

And I ran! I ran so far away!

(That's as witty as it gets over here. Did they really hang flamingos? What's their beef?)

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

Appropriately, "Flies on the Windscreen" just started playing on my blog. :D

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Who knows? Bunch of flamingo hatin sickos! Clickety on it for the close-up. They really left the poor things twisting in the wind.

Tamra Norton said...

Awwww--their poor pink necks! This is *not* right!

Tori :) said...

I wondered why you said you were thinking about flocks of seagulls today...
Speculum
Speculum
Speculum

Nancy Face said...

I would so love to be driving down the street and suddenly come upon that macabre scene of flamingos hanging out, looking all pink and dead! I wonder, how would I react? Would I slam on my brakes and gawk in utter amazement? Would I jump out of my car and grab as many dead flamingos as I could possibly get away with? Or would I keep driving and crash into the next yard due to my rubber-necked stare? I don't know, but one thing I'm sure of...I want my yard to look like this, muahaha!

Johnna said...

Whoa, there's got to be a PhD thesis out there for the woman who can parse the socioeconomic implications of the pink flamingo graveyard.

jams o donnell said...

Hmmm attacking A Flock of Seagulls? SOmehow I think the march of time will have punished them a hundredfold.

I would expect the one with the daft hairstyle has a fringe line that starts at teh back of his head now. Surely that is punishment enough, EWBL?

Carrot Jello said...

What's next? Skinned lawn deer??

nikko said...

Great. Now I'm going to have that song stuck in my head all day long!

Jean Knee said...

oh yeah, i clicked for an up close look. did you see that pink pile near the front door?
what do you think that is????

Kayelyn said...

Super Tramp just sand "all the birds in the trees" how twisted is that?!

Now back to my original comment:

In Utah we could sick a flock of seagulls on them and they could do NOTHING. Nothing, I say, because the seagull is the state bird and is protected for that cricket thing they did years and years ago. Seagulls poop on my car. Flamingos don't> Guess which one I like best.

I don't even want to think about what the pink pile be the door is.

Lisa said...

I think the pink adds a nice touch to the gray.

No Cool Story said...

Tori has your number Elsatic.

I'm with Jean Knee: What the heck is that thing by the front door?

Stacey said...

I think that thing by the door is a love sac made from Pink Flamingo skin. Heartless jerks!

When will the madness end Cruella??

Physcokity said...

Speaking of gnomes...check this out.

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

I think the pink thing is a tutu. The homeowner is a secret cross dresser and everyone knows about it but his wife. So he has to strip out of his girly stuff before he comes in the door from work.

Maybe they weren't hanging flamingos so much as they were trying to create an homage to Poe's "The Raven," except they couldn't find any ravens. So they used flamingos.

Annie said...

The lead singers bangs are so long he can wipe is nose with them! HA! Now that is funny. Why didn't you write that?!

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Best. Comments. Evaaaahhhh.

I think I'll start doing one of those caption contest things and just let you guys fill in the storyline behind the picture.

Melissa said...

You know, this does nothing for interspecies relations! And we were so close to flamingo peace...

Bee said...

My gaze was drawn to my liken... so you're sying my hairdo is coming back or not???




This is how we click---et!

aubrey said...

i strongly dislike all plastic lawn decorations of any and all sizes. i would have done this.

Sketchy said...

OK I had to go click on the picture before I could post, just to check out the pink poo left on their front steps left as an "artistic" statement by the real flamingos, who happenned to be passing by while in migration to the San Diego zoo. A protest against the abuse of the plasticien cousins.

Lauren said...

Oh how precious! Little flamingos hanging by their necks... :) awww

wynne said...

Perhaps they just really, really wanted to hang something with a noose. And hang lots of them. But they didn't want to frighten anyone or truly offend anyone, and so they tried to pick something...oh, quasi-innocent and universally semi-disliked.

The flamingo may have been a good choice. You know, compared to the neighborhood pets. Or girl scouts.