Thursday, October 04, 2007

An Infidel Quickie!

You know that this Infidel, well usually, 'she love you long time.' Yeah, that basically means that an abbreviated blog rendezvous at The Smiling Infidel's red-velvet wallpapered headquarters rarely happens because my posts tend to run long. Really long. Ridiculously long. Looooooonnnngg. But not today! My Fat Melody is obsessed with Christmas because she knows her birthday lies somewhere around that magical date. She coyly asked me all summer if it was time to put up the Christmas tree because that's her sneaky little way of gauging time in correlation to her birthday. Fat Melody thinks she's the center of the universe and that all time stops and starts based on the annual marking of her grand entrance into the mortal coil. She's our baby, so Papi and I have never told her any differently.

We went swimming yesterday and as I floated around the pool ferrying Fat Melody like the Grand Poobah Princess she is, she asked me what I wanted for Christmas knowing full well that the conversation would evolve into birthday talk.......again. I told her that I only wanted everyone to be happy. Melody smiled and persisted with, "Me gonna buy you a necklace!" I made my neck disappear under my considerable chins kind of like the guy in the picture is doing and I laughingly told her "Oh, so sorry. I don't have a neck to put a necklace on." Melody thought for half a second and brilliantly declared, "For Christmas, me gonna buy you a new neck!"

See, blog quickies can be a satisfying experience because it's all about quality; not quantity. So.......was it good for you?

*I'm Not A Mommeeeee Blogger. But I Play One Sometimes On Teh Internets.*

41 comments:

wynne said...

first?

wynne said...

how about second?

wynne said...

Oh, I'm so excited I nearly wet myself!

Wait...scratch the "nearly."

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Wait, you're not going to mock me for posting something so chirpy and sparkly mommy-like?

Bless you wynne!

wynne said...

Now I'm going to go back and actually read the post, instead of getting so excited about "0 comments" and racing to be first.

wynne said...

Then I'll mock you.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

What have I become, wynne? Next I'll be asked to guest write Family Circus while I wear my argyle cardigan sweater as I'm singing, Barry Manilow's Greatest Hits.

What's next? Infidel Meatloaf Recipes?!!?

wynne said...

No--that was quite funny. Way to go, Melody! A new neck. It'll look fabulous! Don't forget to take a picture of it.

"Infidel Two-neck"

You could sell tickets to have people come see you.

I'd pay $.50 to see an "Infidel Two-neck." Cool.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Maybe I'll just start hosting a stuffed animal exchange. Or featuring a Precious Moments Of The Month Club.

Wanna swap coupons and tell me a surefire home remedy for diaper rash, wynne?

wynne said...

And...er...you're not going to be putting any Starbursts or Mexicans in that meatloaf, are you?

wynne said...

And forget the diaper rash remedy--find me a fix for boys who don't want to be potty trained. That I'll swap you for.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Wynne, I'm a Texan.

Make that Infidel Two Neck REDNECK! Yee Haw, That's what I'm talkin bout!

elasticwaistbandlady said...

You don't want to know the tricks, treats, bribes, and sorcery involved in potty-training my last son. Don't ask. Let's just say that I'm glad we live in a warm climate because I started hosing him off instead of wiping the sheeeet off him. It's just too gross when a kid hits 3 and a half.

Tori :) said...

Ok, I wondered how you had 13 comments already. Sheesh.
I like your no neck story. It's very touching. A new neck is a lot better than 2 front teeth. Just be happy you don't need those...

Tamra Norton said...

Melody is one smart cookie! C'mon Elastic--throw the kid a big b-day bash! I'll bring the cheeze-whiz and my kiddos. What more do we need?

Jennifer B. said...

Awww.

That was so chirpy and sparkly. I feel warm all over (but not because I peed myself like Wynne).

omar said...

I think you softened the "chirpy, sparkly mommy-like" vibe when you called her "Fat Melody."

Still, cute story! As we speak, I'm making you a "Sparkling Mommy Blogger" award for your sidebar.

Special K ~Toni said...

That was sweet of her! Can I get in on this for a new butt??

compulsive writer said...

Yeah. Where, exactly, does one find one of those? And are they cheaper in bulk?

Nancy Face said...

Wait...for a minute there I thought I'd butted in on your IM conversation! :0

Fat Melody is simply brilliant!

I'd love to see me an Infidel Two Neck REDNECK Texan!

Omar's comment cracked me up! :D

emma jo said...

Though this is an endearing story about mother and daughter, I am still thinking about the casserole. I have to admit that I will continue to think about cheese and macaroni noodles in a casserole until I get some....and meatloaf, did you have to mention more food? I'm hungry.

Lisa said...

Smart and cute! Did she ever get you to talk about the "really important" stuff?

Suzanne said...

So neck hiding is in the Smiling Infidel's bag of tricks! What else can you do? I'll bet you can make a plate of yummy nachos disappear in an instant! :D

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

What's she gonna do about your neck CRUMBS?

Hey, I was just asking.

Stacey said...

Awww,my eyes are filling up with tears. *sob*

I would like to order slim,long legs please.

Lauren said...

Melody and I have a lot in common I see. Not only do I want to get my mom a new neck for Christmas, I also am obsessed with me own birthday. I like to use this technique:

(I enter room...smoothly)

Me: "Speaking of Birthdays..."

Mom: "Wait, who is speaking of birthdays?"

Me: "Well now that you mentioned it..."


Yep, works a charm...

Melissa said...

Now that's one smart girl! All your hard work homeschooling is really paying off! :)
So, are you running a "body parts" shop? Where is she getting this neck? I hope she doesn't get you a pink flamingo neck... the neighbors might try to hang you from their trees...

Carrot Jello said...

Best I ever had.

Amanda said...

What a tender, sweet moment! You are a mysterious creature elastic!

Speaking of birthdays, mine is 4 months from tomorrow (january 6th to be specific). You still have plenty of time to find me the perfect gift! :D

Jean Knee said...

well, I'm not sure. still considering..

can you pass me a cigarette

Jean Knee said...

that was an answer to, was it good for you..just to clarify

elasticwaistbandlady said...

The best, jean knee!

You know what they say.....once you go jean knees you'll never go, ummmm, 'peking knees?'

Yeah, I love you more than a Pekingnese and I ain't skeered to tell the whole world.

Jean Knee said...

dear infidel, I plan on having many sparkly, perky and gosh, just plain fun, parties on my blog.
you still have to view and comment, you just don't have to like it.
here are a few to get you started:

wow

I didn't know you could make that out of cream cheese

Go skeletons

Woo Hoo black cats

Halloween rocks and so do you

Is that my belly button lint on there?! You said you wouldn't post it...

Bee said...

You sure do look different in that picture!

Me thinks your daughter has an answer for everything, I wonder where she got that from!

*click* x 2

We movin' up in the world!

Bee said...

had to come back cuz I forgot to click...

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

RAH HA HAHAHHAHAAHHAAHAHAHHA on Jean Knee's comment.

tsmnmecn: Could this be a longer, stupider word verification?

Huh? Could it?

Anna Maria Junus said...

Hey I can do the disappearing neck trick too!

Elizabeth-W said...

Smart girl.
After my daughter has birthday in July, she kicks into high gear in planning Halloween. This second even as I type she is hanging on my back begging to have a Halloween party!!

jams o donnell said...

I realy should check I get the veritfication right before leaving!

Very funny and anice comeback fron Melody. I am glad to see that the junior infidels will be carrying the torch of humour!

aubrey said...

i love this song Tenderness!! it's from clueless.

"me love you long tim"

tell me how that new neck works out.

aubrey said...

hmm, that might not be funny to you if you never saw that office episode. sorry.