Tuesday, November 13, 2007

You Might Be A Redneck If.......

You Produce Your Very Own Brand Of Jerky With Your Earnestly Smiling Face Plastered All Over The Front Of The Bag.

Yes, Jeff Foxworthy has Big Bold Flavor! And he's neatly packaged it all up to hawk to you processed meat consumers. Jerky Jeff is not only a premium quality cut of meat but he's also low in fat and iron-rich....well, according to the hype printed out on the bag anyway.
Times are tough for the jerky side of Jeff, though, because his product was going for less than Boss Hawg's used portable urinal down at Big Lots discount store. I'm willing to wager its due to the fact that a little bit of Jeff in every bite probably means it tastes 'funny.'
I don't really plan on eating it, mind you. No, instead I want to put the jerky strips across my upper lip to simulate a Jeff Foxworthy mustache. Mmmmmm, so Jeffy and so jerky all at once.

27 comments:

Amber said...

You know you've sunk to a new low when...

Kind of reminds me of when hubby and I were driving out in the sticks and passed a rundown road-side stand touting "gourmet" beef jerkey. I somehow never thought it possible.

Bee said...

I'm skipping the jerky and heading over to Big Lots to get me one of those Boss Hawg's used portable urinals. Mhm!

Tori :) said...

Why can't I eat them naked?

b. said...

Do you suppose he'll ever shave that thing?

omar said...

I had the same question as Tori. Why is it his business if I want to eat them naked?

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Naked jerky eating should be reserved for the Naked Jerky Eating Olympics.....it's dangerous for amateurs to try it at home.

Its very reassuring to me how the American flag is all over the bag to let us know that like Jeff, this is good old-fashioned American jerky making at its best.. I don't want none of that foreign jerky all up in here. Got me, pardner?

nikko said...

Seriously, though, doesn't all jerky taste the same? What makes it premium?

Oh, and what the heck are those Icelanders singing about? It's all in a different language. And now they're smearing shaving cream on each other. I'm confused.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

It's not shaving cream, Nikko, its some sort of white paint that makes you invisible.....this comes in handy when you're down at the Icelandic Fish Fry Buffet and you discover you forgot your wallet and you need to make a quick escape without detecting notice.

Like most Spanish songs, I don't have a clue what they're saying. I just thought the song was pretty and interesting with all the background guitar/banjo sounds.

Jean Knee said...

do you think it comes in bacon flavor?

Lia said...

Is it the meat or the guy with his face on the package that's jerky?

Kayelyn said...

LOL- I was wondering the same thing as Tori;)

Stacey said...

If I can't be naked when I eat that beef jerky then I just won't eat it. So there Jeff!

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

"These deep-fried hog jowls are so great, you'll wanna eat them while you're robbin' a bank with a panty on your head or while lickin' your lady friend's one intact tooth. But don't."

Poor Jeff Foxworthy. What a comedown.

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

P.S. I never eat naked.

Julie said...

Mmmm. Tastes like chicken. (or is it chickin?)


You find the scariest stuff at Big Lots. Truly you are gifted.

aubrey said...

mmm, i love beef jerky. but it's been so long since i've had some. maybe i'll have to go pick some of that up. and i vote to see a picture of you with your jerky strip mustache. please...

BarnGoddess said...

Jeff Foxworthy is still around?

JustRandi said...

That last picture is really creeping me out for some reason.

Seriously, who cares, and why bring it up?

Carol said...

I can't say a whole lot 'cause I married a redneck.

We don't need no stinkin' Jeff Foxworthy jerky though. We have our own made from the meat of poor defenseless little deer that my redneck hubby rids the world of each year.

Admittedly it is very yummy and no one tells us we can't eat it naked. Not that we would do that sort of thing... well not me anyway.

rachel said...

My husband loves jerky--if there is an animal that can be jerked, and the funkier the animal is, the more willing he is to try it.
I think last week he had goat jerky. It's really embarrassing. I'm thinking I'll just make this comment anonymous :)

Bee said...

I wonder how I would look if I had Jeff's mustachio? I'd have to trim mine though...

*2 clix for you!*

Nancy Face said...

Boss Hawg's used portable urinal? Ewww, sick!

Like Aubrey, I wanna see a picture of you with your jerky strip moustache!

Lisa said...

Yeah, I'm a bit redneckish. I enjoy Jeff Foxworthy. But Jeff Beef Jerky??? Sort of weird. We pick up little snack packs of jerky at Costco and no one's picture is on that stuff.

Melissa said...

Hmm... seems a little cannibalistic to me....

Lauren said...

The disclaimer about not eating it naked is...awkward? Yes.

jams o donnell said...

Jeff Foxworthy is one of those comedians I've heard of but I have never seen his work. He plays a redneck doesn't he? I am disappointed that some great american comedians are simply unknown here in the UK. I love George Carlin's but he is not known here. Bill Hicks on the other hand was more famous in the UK than the USA.

jams o donnell said...

We did get the Dukes of Hazard though!