Where Do Old Chefs Go To Die?

Do they go to 'An Old Chefs' retirement home where they compete in cooking contests using only bran and prunes as ingredients? Maybe they get sent out to pasture where they can run and frolic freely alongside packs of wild chefs? The answer is:none of the above.
No, apparently they all get shipped out to the special Santa Paula spice factory crematorium where their culinary essence is transformed into a rusty orange powder and packaged right up for retail sale at fine generic stores everywhere.
Always one to set himself apart from the crowd, Super Chef Emeril Lagasse has bottled his own name-brand essence to reduce the chances of having to co-mingle his superior essence with the essence of a more common chef who probably only ever wore a foufy little white hat while serving up runny omelets stuffed with imitation bacon bits to bloated tourists down at the La Quinta Inn breakfast buffet.

Now, I know all you gourmands are saying, "But hey, that Emeril guy is still alive!" Exactly right. Much like the mystifying question, 'Who's buried in Grant's Tomb?' we have to wonder who's really inside Emeril's Essence.

He's obviously perpetrating a fraud when he claims you can have a little Emeril in every bite. BAM!

*I sprinkled some Essence of humor-blogs.com on my meal but it made it taste funny.*