Sunday, February 24, 2008

The Good, The Bad, And The Utterly Delicious!

I used to have these struggles with nagging doubts and internal conflicts that manifested itself as little outward appendages of my conscience. On my right shoulder lay the voice of goodness and righteous clarity- while the left shoulder harbored the force of darkness who often whispered to me that it was okay to do naughty things like pretend I can't hear Papi when he's in the bathroom frantically yelling that there isn't any more toilet paper or silently wishing that the person giving the never-ending prayer in a church meeting would contract sudden laryngitis and finally sit down and shut up. Anyway, my turmoil has ceased since I had the Little Devil and Little Angel surgically removed from my shoulders....
and replaced them instead with the non-judgmental and perpetually smiling, Little Debbie.
What??!!? What's that you say Little Debbie? Speak up, I'm having a hard time hearing you. Oh, you think I should have another oatmeal cream sandwich cookie? How can I possibly say no to your cherubic self, Little Debbie?

*humor-blogs.com wrote the Little Debbie biography wherein they expose how she turned her inner demons into Devil's Food Snack Cakes*

30 comments:

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Don't harass me about covering up my face. I was working. I got sweaty. I looked shiny and greasy like hogs getting waxed in anticipation of the grand prize judging at the county fair. I would have taken home a blue ribbon based on my glistening performance. I just know it.

When I write The Smiling Infidel Book maybe I'll include all the out-take pictures that didn't make it for blog post publication.

Bee said...

FIRST!!

Bee said...

The pictures dont show on my cell but I could't pass up the opportunity!

No Cool Story said...

I'm not going to harass you about the hair, but I do want to say that even though I know it's you...still freaks me out a little bit :P

Behind that Little Debbie smile is a tyrant trying to take over the world.
I wouldn't trust her.

It's Just me! said...

I still have the angel and devil on my shoulders. Can't seem to shake them! Maybe I need to try the surgery thing because I tend to hear better on the devil's side! I love the little Debbie idea although my booty says otherwise!

Sketchy said...

Can I get those ones that are like peanutbutter wafer cookies covered in chocolate? I think Little Debbie makes those herself. In heaven.

Bee said...

Okay, Oatmeal cookies are goooooood for you. The cream filling is a very healthy nutrient for the digestive system.
I'm thinking about replacing my A/D with the Twinkie Cowboy. Good idea?

Amber said...

Imagine my conflict when I am that lil' devil and it is Hubby who wear's the halo. Maybe I should torching it with that pitchfork of mine....

Carol said...

Little Debbie is practically a saint in my book. When on a project in Oklahoma City, the team I was working with set a goal to try all of the Little Debbie products that we could find. I'll post pictures of the Little Debbie Wall of Shame if I can find them. Ah... Good times!

b. said...

Yes, a thousand times yes on the angel/shoulder bit. I do the ignore the "outta toilet paper" thing too. "Waddle over and get your own toilet paper" is what the dark side says in my head. Okay, and today? Dark Side was wondering, while someone was taking advantage of giving the prayer in SM to launch into a speech, if he kneels by his bedside in personal prayer and goes off like that....or does he save it all up for just this public opportunity. I think we all know the answer to that.
Would you look at all that hair? I seriously thought you were standing with your back to the camera. Nice!!

b. said...

word ver: momizshy (HA!)

Lisa said...

After the prayer ended today in SM, Don says to me, "Good night." We had a long one!

Beware of Lil Debbie. She is the devil in disguise. Or Don would say "A tool of the devil". ;)

Elizabeth-W said...

We had the best talks today at church, the kind that made you reallly glad you went.
Elastic, if I had hair like yours I'd grow mine long, too. :)

Little Debbie said...

Kill him next time he shouts for TP... kill him next time he shouts for TP... by the way, you're almost out of oatmeal cream pies...

Millie said...

Amen! You have the most gorgeous head of hair... work it, baby!

BrentD said...

So your new shoulder adviser has a split personality?

Evil and good alternately. You should get some sort of conservation award for that.

Geosomin said...

All I know is that those are still the best cookies I have ever had in my entire life...and not so easy to find either.
Every time I see them in a store I listen to the littl e red guy and buy a couple of boxes...sooo gooooood

elasticwaistbandlady said...

brentd-I hearkened unto the sage wisdom of Little Debbie in regards to your comment....

She told me I should hunt you down and suffocate you with the cellophane wrapper from my Oatmeal Snack Cake.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

NCS- I used to have Mr. Bluebird on my shoulder singing Zippety-doo-Dah all day. He left a lot of mess on my shoulder. :(

It's Just Me!- Sometimes I'd like to smack the conscious out of my conscience.

sketchy- My daughters and I have a joke that the girl on the box is actually Little Debbie's sister, Brenda because she's too morbidly obese to even fit on a box of her products.

Bee-A soft Twinkie-shaped cowboy full of cream.....naw, that doesn't sound dirty at all!

Amber- Yeah, but you got a forked tail that even an angelic being can't resist pulling.

Carol- In the world of snack cakes, Little Debbie is the original BIMBO! (you know what I mean. We're Texans, after all.)

LISA and B.- Okay, we had a really nice Home Teacher. (That's how I preface talking amck about someone without guilt) Anyway, he gave these long-winded speeches with a "Dear, Heavenly Father" and an "Amen" book-ending it to make it look like a prayer. We always joked that his family never dared let him say the dinner prayer because everything would have to be re-heated by the time he wrapped it up.

elizabeth- I'm only growing it out for charity. Every time I get the split ends cut though, they're so stinkin long I have to continue growing out more hair for Locks Of Love.

Millie- I'm going to take Victorian Hair Jewelry Making at the Community College. Can I interest you in an Elastic Hair Brooch?

geosomin- On my loooooonnggg list of sins, Little Debbie is somewhere on the bottom. And somewhere on MY bottom at the same time. :)

Melissa said...

Hmmm... but, will you eventually walk lop sided? Having the angel and the devil brings balance... perhaps you should ask Betty Crocker or Chef Boyardee to sit on the other shoulder.... the key is balance!

Jean Knee said...

blogger ate my comment but..I ..will...not..be..stopped.
I love that Little Debbie. I cut her picture out, glued it on a tag that said"oh no, someone ate me" and put it inside Jean-Uh's locker at school. Jean-Uh in all her awesome innocense did not get it. awww

Jean Knee said...

Ha, I got through that devilish word verification

elasticwaistbandlady said...

You are wicked, jean knee.

Will you be my BFF?

elasticwaistbandlady said...

I've eaten Sara Lee, Betty Crocker, and Chef Boyardee. Sometimes, on the same day. Does that mean that I get around? Should I feel ashamed?

Stacey said...

Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee.

jams o donnell said...

We don;t get that brand here but I'm sure there is a British alternative conscience! When it came to my 12th or 13th cookie I used to say "Satan get thee behind me".. Sadly he only pushed me towards the packet...

Nancy Face said...

I thought that was a picture of your back...I love that it's really a front view with your hair in your face, haha! :D

Nancy Face said...

Little Debbie used to make Cookie Wreaths every year at Christmas time. They were chock-full of sweet and spicy goodness, and decorated with frosting and sprinkles. I LIVED for those things! My family lived for those things! A part of us died inside the Christmas those Cookie Wreaths failed to make their greatly anticipated yearly appearance.

Why, Little Debbie? How COULD you do this to us? WAAA!!!

Rebecca said...

Mmm...Little Debbie. I mean, Little Debbie's snack cakes. I don't eat children.

It's a good thing I don't have those in the house right now. They never stand a chance.

I think it's time for a snack...

aubrey said...

mm,i love those little debbie oatmeal sandwiches. mm